Life

Trying to find myself.

Do you ever wonder what is missing inside of you?
Yeah people get upset about things and somtimes its hormones or maybe they're lonely
But what if you have someone who would give you the world and you would even do the same for them.
Yet you still stay collapsed on the bathroom floor
Crying and choking on the tears that are always there
And sometimes, you don't even know why
You just wanna cry and cry and not stop until you have to suck it up bc you can't cry forever.
Even if it feels like you need to.
And all you ever wanna do is escape.
From everything because sometimes its just too much.
Those feelings then make you feel weak and it gets worse
Nothing you ever do is right
And if it is
It doesnt last long
But maybe this is apart of life
Unbearable, continous pain that you get stronger from
But I don't know if I am
How do you know?
Is this what life is about?
Doubting yourself within?
Perpetual sadness and longing for something
And the need to be better, and such a desire is so difficult to grasp you can't figure out why.
Questions of, are you just not destined for greatness?
Are you not good enough?
Were you ever good enough?
And the cycle continues.
Sometimes, I just wanna give up.
Because of torturous efforts just to live a good life
To be just left futile and depressed
Can all just be gone and so will the suffering
And so will the people around me that get caught in the crossfire of my sadness
Because you don't want them to think its their fault anymore
It's just,
Yours.
But then you think of the good times
With friends, family.
The love of your life.
And you don't want to hurt them
And leaving them, won't be better for you.
So what do you do?

Author's Note

Ignore grammor problems. Didn't take the time to edit. Just poured out my heart.