The black butterfly

�What? !! What do you mean she�s gone?�
�Don�t yell at me, Laura, I told you I don�t know. I just woke up and couldn�t find her�.
�I�m sorry, Grace, but I really don�t understand. You�re sure she won�t come back?�
�That�s what they�re all saying� Some even say she was kicked out!�
�Kicked out?!! Oh My God!... What could she have done?�
�No idea��
�Ok that�s enough� I�m going to talk to Sister Theresa�
�Don�t bother � You won�t get any answers�
�What makes you so sure ?�
�I�ve already tried myself.�
�And?...�
�She said she had nothing to justify��
�Oh My God� Now it�s really getting serious��
�I don�t know� I could understand nothing more��
Laura sat down, lost and confused � She couldn�t believe yet Rachael had left the dorms forever. She was holding her head between her hands, she didn�t notice that Grace had left the room and Mary, her psychotherapist, was standing by the door, staring at her.
�You�re late, Laura. I�ve been waiting for you for about 10 minutes. What�s going on?�
�Today is my turn to ask questions��
�

�Believe me, Laura. You can�t do this to yourself.�
�Well, try to stop me��
�Laura, honey, you know I�ve been trying to help you for almost 2 years. I barely had the time to celebrate this little improvement you made lately. Please, don�t ruin everything!�
�Did you never ask yourself why I made this little improvement lately?�
�Maybe because it was time � after 2 years, imagine!�
�Mary, it�s because of Rachael� Since she became my roommate, she changed my life!�
�How ?�
�She simply gave me hope� She told me her whole life story, since she was a kid� She told me about her parents, who tortured and abused her mercilessly, and how her sister was killed, about her trip with her aunt who imprisoned her in her room, and how she ran away, etc��
�And that�s how she gave you hope?!�
�I mean with all what she went through, I was glad to see her living a normal and cheerful life, she had a job, lots of friends, several hobbies, she treated me like a sister, and, most of all, she achieved her ultimate goal, I mean she got involved in a serious affair and was about getting engaged, I guess� She showed me she could be the happiest person on Earth if she wanted to� and so can I.�
�So you are saying all my efforts were useless � You owe everything to Rachael!�
�No� not exactly�I didn�t mean that, come on��
Mary took a deep breath, she seemed confused and hesitant.
�What is it, Mary? � Tell me�
�You are not supposed to know, none of the girls are supposed to know� But I see ignorance will hurt you much more than the truth��
�Please tell me, was she really kicked out?�
�Well, Laura, I think Sister Theresa will never forgive me for telling you the truth�but, you see��
�Speak!�
�It has been 2 years� I was desperate; I thought you�ll never get over your tragedy. I was about giving up� Ah, Laura, you can�t imagine how catatonic and introverted you were when you first came here��
�The truth about Rachael, Mary� I�m still waiting��
�I don�t want to see you ever again like you were before. But if you got better because of Rachael, I believe you can�t enjoy this recovery for long.�
�Because Rachael doesn�t live here anymore?�
�No� it�s because Rachael wasn�t real� she was just a fairy tale!�
Laura stared a few seconds at Mary, trying to understand her words but soon started laughing so loudly that Mary became worried.
�Laura, listen to me� you can�t build your recovery on lies� and Rachael told you nothing but lies!�
�What?!!�
�All her stories were unreal��
�How did you find out?�
�Well, we�ve been doubting and investigating for a long time� and yesterday we had proof we were looking for.�
�You met her family?�
�Yeah� and Roger too�
�Roger?!! Really� I, myself, haven�t yet!�
�Have you ever wondered why?�
�Why she didn�t introduce me to her boyfriend? Well she said Sister Theresa didn�t allow him to enter girls� dorms and I never dared asking her to take me out with them, I thought it was just inappropriate.�
�That�s because he never existed!�
�No, it can�t be� He came many times to take her with his car, I saw him myself, and every time he called her, he said �Say hello to Laura�!�
�And you believed all that?�
�Why not? Why would she lie?�
�The guy who came weekly with his car was her brother who took her to her sister�s house, who�s been married for 5 years and who invites all her parents to lunch every Sunday, including Rachael!�
�So, they weren�t dead?... They were on good terms all together?!!�
�Plus� there was no Roger!!!�
�That�s just incredible � So who was the guy who called her everyday?�
�She could use any phone call to fool you. Besides, we found out the real Mr. Roger was her boss on whom she has crush since several months and who keeps telling her she would be fired some day if she doesn�t leave him alone��
�Oh My God!!! Then why did he never fire her?�
�He�s a really nice guy� He knew about her family conditions and didn�t want to take away the only hope she had, her job!�
�What�s wrong with her family?�
�They�re just poor people� but she�s the only member in that family to feel so ashamed of poverty! That�s why she kept lying and Sister Theresa didn�t want you to believe her anymore� She had to ask her to move away in order to protect you.�
Laura was really crushed, she felt she had lost everything�. She didn�t know what to say
�

Mary entered Laura�s room and found her sitting by the window as sadly as usual.
She didn�t even look at her.
�Laura, Sister Theresa wants to talk to you�.
No answer.
Sister Theresa followed Mary to Laura�s chair.
Sister Theresa was the main responsible of the girls� dorms. It was not a regular dorm. It was a part of an institution made to help the war�s victims.
There were handicapped people, orphans, refugees, people who lost their families, their home, their properties etc�
Laura had lost all her family members, some of her school friends and teachers were killed, too. A bomb had destroyed her school. She had nothing, she had nobody. When the sisters found her, she was so shocked that she couldn�t speak nor walk. First they thought she couldn�t hear or understand their words. They took her to many doctors but they all certified she had no organic disease, yet she was still in the same state she was found in. Several months passed and she made no improvement. She was then taken to a psychiatrist. A special psychotherapist was chosen for her and she stayed with her at the dorms because she needed continuous and careful watching. That was Mary. But Mary never understood why her sessions never gave any results all over the 2 past years. All the other girls she was treating had gotten over everything and were back to their previous life. She was always sure that Laura was so sensitive that she must be left alone in the room. She was the only girl who never had a roommate. One day, Rachael came to the dorms claiming to have nowhere to stay for some weeks. They didn�t have enough rooms so they had to let her stay in Laura�s room. A few days later, Mary was astonished to see Laura talking, laughing and reacting as normally as if she was never depressed!!!
She tried to find the real cause but never could. She asked Rachael who stated that Laura was that cheerful since the day she met her. She said she never noticed anything abnormal about her and she seemed quite sure of herself!!! That�s when Mary began doubting in Rachael�s intentions and authenticity and asked Sister Theresa permission to hire a special detective to follow her and gather information about her.
�

Since the day Rachael had left the dorms, Laura went back to her previous state. She never talked or laughed or ate or went out of her room anymore. Mary and Sister Theresa were really worried this time; they talked again with her psychiatrist who proposed a new attitude toward Laura.
�Laura, listen carefully to me, said Sister Theresa. It has been 2 years since you�re here and we think we�ve done all we could to help you. None of the girls who came since 2 years are still here. We have new people to loge. If you want to stay here, I�m afraid you�ll have to get a job��
Suddenly, Laura stood up and gave Sister Theresa a look full of anger and challenge and said: �Ok then�. I will!�
Sister Theresa and Mary looked at each other, deeply shocked.
Laura insisted to look for a job all by herself. She allowed no one to help her. She even told Mary that she would start looking for a new apartment as soon as she gets a job!
�She must definitely think we hate her��
�Remember what the doctor said, Mary, our goal was to bring her back to life, and we succeeded�, Sister Theresa replied.
�

�Excuse me, Sister Theresa. Can I see you for a moment?�
�Sure, honey. What is it?�
�Well, I just wanted to tell you that I�ve got a job. I�m starting tomorrow�
�What? !!�
�You didn�t expect it, huh?�
�I mean� Laura, I�m really happy for you! But how could you? So quickly��
�Yeah! It seems I did it !�
�And what is it?�
�A receptionist in an orphan�s institution.�
�Wow! That sounds great�
�Yeah� And they will help me find an apartment as soon as possible�
�Laura, that�s not necessary. I don�t want you to leave. I just wanted you to get a life��
�Okay, fine�we�ll see.�
Sister Theresa was surprised. She never doubted it was the social worker of the dorms who helped her find that job!!!
Anyway, Laura never spoke again about moving.
�

The first day Laura went to work, she thought everything would be so simple and clear.
It has been almost 2 years she didn�t go out or talk to people.
The first person she met was Sarah who was supposed to give her instructions but soon Laura understood that Sarah was soon quitting her job and she was hired in order to replace her.
�How long are you staying?�
�All the time you need to learn. That�s what Sister Rita said.�
�Sister Rita?�
�She�s the one who hired me� and you, too. She�s in the human resources department�
�I see�
Sarah showed Laura what she had to do, it was quite simple. She just had to answer the phone, to bye-bye welcome visitors, organize appointments, doctors� visits, entertainment journeys, holiday celebrations, and take care of each child�s profile including his studies, his health, his family� she should know everything about each kid in order to deal with any occurring situation.
At lunchtime, Sarah asked Laura:
�We have a one-hour-break. Any plans for lunch?�
�No, nothing special.�
�Do you wanna come with me to the cafeteria meet the rest of the staff?�
�Why not?�
Sarah introduced Laura to everyone and they had lunch together.
Sarah was asking too many questions and Laura hesitated to answer.
�Laura, I notice you�re somehow shy� Don�t you like making friends or is it just because it�s your first day?�
�I think I just need some more time��
�You�re right, excuse me if I bothered you�
�Not at all��
�So, you don�t wanna talk about your family, can ask you about your hobbies, your interests, your college, your previous work�?�
Laura was really embarrassed� She didn�t want to tell her truth� She barely knew her.
Yet she wasn�t used to lying. She was too shy to say: �It�s none of business�. After all, she needed Sarah�s help. She didn�t know what to say� Sarah, however, never ran out of words. When Laura didn�t answer her questions, she kept talking about herself.
Laura wasn�t listening� She was thinking about Rachael� she was the last person she had a real conversation with. How different her words were!!! Unlike Sarah, she knew how to capture all her attention. Suddenly, Laura got an idea� an idea so strange that she was astonished�
�Excuse me, Sarah� What were you saying?�
�I said I wish I had siblings. I never knew what it felt like��
�Oh! You must have spent such a lonely childhood, right? I don�t know what life would be without my sister and my brother� I love them so much�
Sarah was smiling. And Laura found herself telling long unreal stories about her family, their trips, their constantly switching houses and schools, her relationship with her parents and siblings, their latest adventures together� and so many lies that she thought herself like �a second Rachael�!
Sarah was listening with great interest, she seemed to believe every word she said and Laura was quite happy about it. Finally, Sarah asked her:
�I see you�ve got a ring� Are you engaged?�
�Oh yeah �His name is Roger�.�
And she went on telling the same stories Rachael used to tell her about Roger in all details�
�

Several months passed. Laura was happy at work. She liked Sarah and was sure Sarah liked the girl she thought Laura was.
She was only afraid Sarah would discover her lies. Sometimes, she heard Sarah argue with Sister Rita but never asked about the reason. She was too discrete. Anyway, she was getting used to work and she knew Sarah hadn�t much time left. She tried to keep the relationship as distant as possible but it was not that easy. Sarah always kept inviting her to her house for dinner but she never agreed.
�Ok, she always said, but before I leave work, I wanna throw a party and invite you all�.
Laura�s birthday was getting closer. She had forgotten about it. In fact, she never celebrated it. But Sarah had read it in her application and was planning to surprise her.
She thought of many ideas but, according to the nice stories she heard about Laura�s family, she judged the best would be celebrating with her family. She made several tries to make Sarah give her her land phone number but never got it. She proposed as well to drive her home but Laura never accepted. Finally, she decided to follow her one day after work. And so she did. She saw the taxi stop at the dorms and Laura going inside. Sarah knew very well these dorms, for they had collaborated together during the war period. First, she thought Laura was visiting someone but she waited for a long time and Laura never came out. She decided to follow her the next day to find out where she lived and she was astonished to see the taxi stopping again at the same address!
She used to think Laura was too poor to have a land phone or even that she lived in such a poor neighborhood that she wanted nobody to see her house. But she never imagined her living in such a shelter!!!
�

The next day, when Laura came to work, she didn�t find Sarah there and had to do it all by herself. When she came back to the dorms, she stood by the door, unable to move� Sarah was there, sitting with Mary!!!
�Sarah� What are you doing here?�
�She knows everything, Laura. Why did you lie to her?�, Mary asked.
�What?!!! Who�s she anyway?�
�That doesn�t matter, Laura. The point is� you behaved just like Rachael!!! Sister Theresa was right. I hoped you didn�t meet her again after she left��
Laura�s eyes were glaring with anger�She went out and closed the door violently.
She never came back to the dorms nor to work.
Everyone spent several weeks looking for her but she had just vanished!
�

More than a month later, Mary called Sarah to tell her someone found Laura�s new address and gave it to her. Sarah wrote the address and told Mary she preferred to go see Laura on her own.
When Laura opened the door and saw Sarah, she was about to close it back!!! But Sarah entered the house and stood confidently before Laura and said:
�Okay, Missy, listen to me. You have the right to do whatever you want with your life. We are all people who chose to help you for free. You owe us nothing; if you see it�s right to destroy overnight all that Mary and I tried so hard to offer you, that�s up to you. Just remember that God gave you life twice and saved you from death. If you don�t owe your life to yourself, you owe it to God�.
�Okay� Then what? What do you want from me? You came here to tell me I�m free to do whatever I want?!! I know that!...�
�I came to remind you that you haven�t been dismissed yet. I�m still quitting in a few days if you remember� You are supposed to replace me. If you want to quit too, you have to wait for Sister Rita to find someone to replace you, and give this someone the time she needs to learn just as I did myself�
�What??!! I�ve barely been there for a month!�
�Well, yeah, Missy� Yet you already have responsibilities to assume� Unfortunately, life isn�t just about you!! Welcome to the real world, Laura�. Next Monday, I won�t be at work, you�ll have to go� And remember Sister Rita has your new address!!�. .
Then Sarah left.
�

On Monday, Sarah went to work because she was sure Laura wouldn�t come. So she entered Sister Rita�s office to discuss the subject with her in order to find a new girl to replace Laura.
�Good morning, Sister�
�What are you still doing here?, Sister Rita almost yelled at Sarah. Weren�t supposed to leave today?�
�Yeah but Laura never came back�
�Oh that�s something�
Sister Rita sat silently in front of her desk for a moment trying to figure out a solution.
�You know, Sarah, I really don�t care. I prefer not to have a receptionist rather than seeing you here again!�
Sarah had tears in her eyes.
�How could you talk to me that way? Isn�t it enough you took me away from the children?�
�You are not supposed to see the children. If I could, I should have fired you immediately!�
�Sister� come on� You�re talking as if I were a danger to the kids!�
�In fact you are!... what if the children notice you�re not treating them equally! You can�t keep on teaching them!�
�And that means I have to cut all my links with them?�
�Yeah� those useless links�.�
�Sister� you know that�s not true��
�If you were convinced you won�t adopt Ralph, then why insist seeing him?�
�Because I just love him!�
�Well, Ralph doesn�t need your love� Thanks . Now go away�
�Sister Rita��
�You�re a single mother, Sarah. I�m not insulting your motherhood if I don�t let you adopt Ralph. No one else would allow you to�.
�I�m not a single mother, for God�s sake, I�m a divorced mother because I lost forever my chance to be a mother and that�s all because of you!�
�What? Because of whom?�
Sarah took a deep breath � Now she was frankly crying.
�Well, sister, I never wanted to tell you this � Because I didn�t want you to give me Ralph because you�re afraid or threatened or feeling guilty� but because I love him��
�Are you insane? What are you saying?�
�But as I see my struggle has come to an end, and I�m about to lose the battle, I�d rather tell you the truth� I�d never accept you to consider Linda as an exception but not me!!!�
�God, Sarah, I told you a million times Linda is a widow, you are totally different cases. The poor woman lost her husband while she was coming here with him to adopt a child�
�And I, Sister� I lost my own child - and my husband- while I was coming here to adopt all your children��
Sister Rita seemed confused��
�I� I don�t understand��
�The day I was coming here to apply for a teacher�s job, I had a car accident with my husband. I was pregnant and I lost my baby� and I got hurt in a way that allowed me no more to get pregnant again� So my husband just left me because he wanted kids and I couldn�t fulfill his wishes. He divorced me� Now tell me, sister, which story is sadder�
And she fell down crying loudly�
Sister Rita was shocked.
Suddenly, Laura entered the office shouting:
�Sarah� my dear Sarah, it�s ok, honey, it�s ok��
�Where did you come from?�, asked Sister Rita, furiously.
�I work here, sister�
�Oh, Laura� I didn�t know you came��, said Sarah with a great surprise.
�I came, Sarah. I came because you taught me responsibility�I heard you talking, I came to see if you were here, but I never dared coming in when I heard your discussion� Oh My God, I would have never imagined such issues between you!!!�
�It�s none of your business, miss. And I forbid you ��
�Excuse me, sister�. Sarah is my friend� and I refuse to continue working for someone who treated her with so much injustice!�
�I did nothing to her� I was just applying the rules...�
�The rules tell you to give an orphan child to the parent with the saddest tragedy rather than the mother who loves him the most?!!!�
�Don�t you dare talk to me that way, miss. I can fire you, now�
�I was going to dismiss myself anyway� sister�
Sister Rita was so angry.
�Listen to me, both of you�. Now I want you both to leave my office because Linda will be coming soon to see Ralph�
�After all what I�ve told you��
Sarah couldn�t believe this nun was so cruel.
�Well� I have no proof of what you said��
�Sister�, cried Laura, you�re merciless�
At that moment, a lady entered the office and all three stared at her, astonished.
�Rachael!!!�, shouted Laura and Sarah together.
�Rachael who?, asked Sister Rita with great surprise. This is Mrs. Linda�
�Oh My God! You know each other!!!�, said the lady. She seemed so embarrassed that she was about to leave�
�What are you doing here?, asked Laura. And why did you tell me all those lies?�
Rachael, or Linda, whatever her name was, didn�t know what to say.
�Oh My God�Sister Rita, is this the same Linda who wants to adopt Ralph?�, asked Sarah, obviously shocked.
�Yes��, answered Sister Rita who understood nothing after Linda arrived. �Why? Do you know her?�
Sarah hesitated a few seconds before replying:
�She was driving the car that hit me that day� Her husband and my unborn child were killed in the same accident!�
�What ?!!!�
It was Laura�s turn to get confused�
�So that�s what made you such a dreamer and liar?�
�I�m not�I was just trying to fight��, whispered Rachael who was now crying.
�Do you know her well, Laura?�, asked Sarah
�That�s what I thought but it seems I was wrong�it�s so sad��
And Laura told them all she knew about Rachael.
�Oh My God�, said Sister Rita, who was about to collapse�I was going to let an orphan get adopted by the woman who took away the motherhood of the woman who loved him the most!...
She was so shocked and confused�
�What�s your real name? Is it Rachael or Linda?�
�It�s Rachael, sister�
�And how were you gonna provide all necessary papers for adopting while using a false name?�
Rachael kept quiet.
�Answer�, insisted Sister Rita.
Rachael was ashamed, yet she could utter some words:
�I�ve got a false ID�!!!
�

Two weeks later�

�I heard you came back to the dorms, Laura. Is that true?�
�Yeah � but it�s only temporary � I need to go back to my village, to live with my cousins, to go to college and get a real job. And that would have never been possible without your help, Sarah� as well as Mary��
�Come on, Laura� I did nothing��
�What about you? Any news?�
�Yeah, I�m back to teaching��
�Oh really?!!�
�Yeah, meanwhile�I�m trying to found my own institution� I think it would be much like your dorms� just for the kids living here when they get to high school��
�Great! You mean� you�ll be able to keep Ralph?�
�Mmm� Not only Ralph� Sister Rita was right�All kids should be treated equally despite our emotional preferences��
�That�s right� you know� I�d like to be a social worker�
�Wow, Laura� you�d be able to work with me� in my own institution!�
�I hope so� I really wanna thank you�. You taught me a lot��
�In fact�I�d liked it if I could teach you more��
Sarah seemed mysterious.
�I don�t understand��
�Have you got 30 minutes?�
�Sure�
�So come with me��
�Where?�
�You�ll see�
�

Sarah drove to her grandfather�s house. Her grandpa was a farmer, he liked to raise caterpillars.
�You know, Laura, maybe you have lied to me� maybe it was just the impact Rachael made on you, maybe you wanted to protect yourself from the society�s judgments, or simply you were trying to imagine yourself living a happier life�But you know� I didn�t tell you the truth, either��
�You just had your secrets, and it�s your right� it�s ok�
�Maybe� but nonetheless, I wasn�t less ashamed than you by my reality��
�Really?!! You had an accident; there is nothing to be ashamed about��
�You lost your family during the war� There is nothing to be ashamed about��
�Yeah� you�re right�It might be some form of denial��
�Yet� My grandpa taught me a great lesson about it��
�What is it?�
�You see all this caterpillars on this tree?�
�Of course not� I see only butterflies!�
�Indeed�we are all caterpillars and butterflies��
�How is that?�
�My parents got divorced when I was still a kid. I was raised by my grandpa.
When I was down and when my classmates used to judge me and criticize me, grandpa always brought me here and told me to watch the butterflies. He kept saying that each butterfly we see remembers itself only as a caterpillar, even if we don�t know that, even if we haven�t seen any caterpillar inside its cocoon, even if we ignored the efforts it did to build the cocoon than to tear it and get out of it, to build wings and fly by itself�. Despite all the reasons a caterpillar had to be ashamed of its past, it has to tear its cocoon and go out to the light, no matter how ugly it thinks it is, it must believe people will see it as a nice butterfly� He always said: �You, too, are a butterfly� And you must fly out of the cocoon, no matter if you�re black or colored� The destiny of all caterpillars is to become butterflies� and all butterflies are born to fly�� And today, because of him, I know that I might be black�yet I�m still a butterfly, and I�m made to fly��
�Yeah� your grandpa was right� I think I�ll begin to fly, too� no matter how black I am�.�