Old Man and his Thoughts

The second hand of clock is broken;
Mist settled on my window, my legs are frozen.
The man on radio keeps on blabbering,
I'm half deaf, and I have lost my will of understanding.
I knocked down my spectacles accidentally;
I don’t recognize you, I struggle with my own identity!
I seek refuge from the odor of medicines;
my bottom itches, I apologies for my etiquette.
My neighbor’s daughter feed me bread,

My son never returned from battle
where’s my old woman?  She’s dead.

My insanity ripples me, my silver hair beacons me.

Forgive me for my handwriting

My hands tremble, and I can’t see.

 

Reviews

[Gurdeep...The Lost]

I really liked the last two lines. At first I thought why are there silly mistakes in spellings and tenses, but I then I realized the 'agony' of the 'old man', and his indifference to these petty things :-)

[Mayank]

thank you sir!

[Frieda P]

Amazing sentiment here, the imagery and emotions are poignantly written...albeit sad. Well done Mayank.

[Mayank]

Thank you Frieda!

[A. Amos]

I like the way you portrait the emotions of an old man and his emotions and feelings...simply awesome!

[Mayank]

Thank you so much, Sir.

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome buddy ...

[Renee]

Strong message, pretty sad too..

[Mayank]

thank you for feedback, yes, it's sadness being lonely when you actually need someone to hold your hands.

[Ashley]

nice poem i like it but its sad where the women is dead an the son never came back

[Mayank]

True... the life is incomplete without loved ones.

[Ashley]

ya I know how it feels

[Avinash]

It takes a lot to go ahead in time and become the subject of your poem . But I will say this is a brilliant poem but my suggestion would be keep the last line to be a sucker punch. Please revisit the last two lines and make it a knock out.

[Mayank]

Thank you for an honest feedback, will try to work on it. As of now I was going with the flow. The flow continued with the sadness...

[Avinash]

Don't change the lines just reorder the lines in such a way that it becomes like a thriller. I will suggest if you wish you can replace the 2nd last line "Forgive me for my handwriting" to "If you can't read my handwriting"

[Ruth]

Sad...silver hair beckoning - touching imagery...