Old Man and his Thoughts

The second hand of clock is broken;
Mist settled on my window, my legs are frozen.
The man on radio keeps on blabbering,
I'm half deaf, and I have lost my will of understanding.
I knocked down my spectacles accidentally;
I don’t recognize you, I struggle with my own identity!
I seek refuge from the odor of medicines;
my bottom itches, I apologies for my etiquette.
My neighbor’s daughter feed me bread,

My son never returned from battle
where’s my old woman?  She’s dead.

My insanity ripples me, my silver hair beacons me.

Forgive me for my handwriting

My hands tremble, and I can’t see.

 

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

My insanity ripples me, my silver hair beacons me.
Forgive me for my handwriting
My hands tremble, and I can’t see.

Excellent characterization in this piece, Mayank.

[Mayank]

thank you so much Pryde!

[Briana O'Connor]

I love how within the dark depths of this piece you still managed to add humor. That line about scratching your bottom was priceless!

[Gabby Nieves]

Wow very deep and I can tell you feel everything with great emotion. Love the analogies, thank you for sharing this.

[Mayank]

My pleasure Gabby, glad you liked it :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

This piece reminded me some good narrative poetry,
a good story can be written on this subject,
I like it

[Mayank]

Thank you Hardeep for stopping by and appreciating... I am going through some kinda writer's block and I have completely stopped writing because I make blunders one after another. In fact, I have seen errors in all my work uploaded till now. I might write short story on this someday...

[hardeep sabharwal]

life is a process and no one is error less,
I hope u understand this, keep on going

[amrit]

quite engrossing , for a second i thought im reading a novel .. liked it.` I don’t recognize you, I struggle with my own identity!` this just had my heart .. touche!

[Mayank]

thank you friend!

[Simran Kewlani]

It's amazing. I don't know how you managed to write something like this but I loved it.

[Mayank]

thank you Simran... Blame it on whisky!

[Simran Kewlani]

Haha! I thought alcohol never did anyone good. But it certainly does for you.

[Simran Kewlani]

Haha! I thought alcohol never did anyone good. But it certainly does for you.

[Mayank]

I will just quote my favorite author here - I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they have always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

[Stonz P.]

There is a striking similarity between this and my piece, One-sided Conversations with Grief which I wrote so long ago. Haha, guess, the subject is not unique afterall.

Coming to the piece, I like the tone but again the grammar and here, the flow disrupted my read.
You should work on these things.

Good luck, man.

[Mayank]

I try to write something off beat. The emotions which are generally not felt by everyone... I guess, copious of whisky do this to you.

[Stonz P.]

Well, I believe each individual is different, so there is no need to think out of the box but only be out of the box.
haha, not just this, whisky does a lot more, my friend.... Whisky does a lot more ;)

[Mayank]

I was high on weed and whisky. I wasn't able to move my a*s and this is what happened next...

[uNmAsKeD-dEluSiOns]

Wow This was a neat surprise- I love this. I think you described this so well, everything fit just right and some of these lines were pure genius- very smart. I love how the sadness slowly draws out yet ends so powerful. Very great piece with a great message

[Mayank]

thank you so much...

[Eve Ola]

Mayank Its super best i really enjoyed . you expressed beautifully the thoughts of that old man. settled mist, bottom itching, silver hairs and trembled hands ... its like you are sitting right beside him or is that you behind the title ;)

[Sophy Freebirds]

Damn boy!! This is brilliant. I will go with Gurdeep . I thought it was a typo. But then it is the old mam and his thoughts which has resulted in his this state.. this was intelligently penned.. :) good work buddy

~Sophy

[Mayank]

thanks sophy!