Ten Commandments of a Golden Child

It's just a thing I wrote a couple years back and i think it was an important part of my development as a person and as a writer.

I.Never speak up or out unless it is to demonstrate how intelligent you are. Never speak up to parents, no matter how wrong they might be. You can check google later

II. That smug sense of self-worth you get from actually googling it later,is worth just about as much as penny these days,  Fact: They spend more money making them than pennies are actually worth.

III. When you get a question wrong for the first time in a VERY long time, don’t cry in class. Resist the urge to run from the room. Don’t look around, they are just as shocked as you are.

IV. When that question haunts you for the rest of the night don’t tell your parents you got it wrong, they’ll look at you different as if you were some freak like your older brother. Hide it in yourself, like that first crush, or like the first time, your parents asked you if you were stupid.

V. Always repeat the mantra: Words like stupid, useless, McDonalds, and job don’t apply to you. You will get a career, you will not fall to the wayside like your brother, you will make every aching breath, every  sleepless night, every private panic attack count. If you don’t it will all mean nothing. The I wanna die and cry about it feeling will mean nothing. The fact that your self-worth comes from a scantron sheet will mean nothing. All the conditional affection that you pretend is unconditional will mean nothing because you won’t even have that anymore.  Breathe. Smile. You have an Honors class to get to.

VI. When you get into an Early College high school  that your mom thought was a good choice “because you’ll be two years ahead of other college kids” and you feel like you’re drowning, say nothing. You went to the orientation speech where they told you that the salt water that is currently filling your lungs is “bearable, you just have to get through it.”

VII. When you realized you’re depressed, say something but nothing that they’ll notice because nothing it can’t  be their fault that you’re depressed and you just couldn’t deal with having one more problem you’ve created. Just drink seven cups of tea a day to keep those s****y panic attacks a bay and when the tea doesn't work just say you don’t feel well go into your room and attempt to slice the depression out of your arms. When that doesn’t work lay there with aching, blotchy bloodless arm and ‘self-harm’ onto the list of things you couldn’t accomplish.

VIII. When your mother barges into the room, stay quiet, hold the tears, none of this his her problem, this is your education, remember?

IX.When she knows about your depression, tell your mother you are sorry because the guilt of having a mental illness is too much. Try to remind yourself that she loves you every time she throws it back into your face and it falls on you like an artillery shell . She just wants you to do better, she wants you to love yourself  like she promises she loves you. Remember, you can’t run away from the demons you carry with you, Remember, it’s in the family, remember that you didn’t have a choice but you have one now. Remember that the blinding light of your depression should not stop you from staring into the sun in an attempt to look beyond it.  remember to take your meds, remember that because she went through the trouble of getting your meds you have to prove they are working by getting all A’s again.  Hope that all of the A’s will wash away years of academic guilt you haven’t talked about yet.

X. Study for that test you have tomorrow, you can’t be honest anymore, all that matters is making the grade.