When It Rains

Caitlyn needs someone to understand, but until she finds that person, all she has is the rain. She knows that when it rains, everything changes.

I like rain. I like listening to it tapping against my window, I like watching it bounce off the road. I like standing outside when it rains, listening to the deafening noise it makes as it hammers down on the tops of umbrellas. I like just letting it soak me, run down my face, my hair…

I like rain because it’s the only time I can cry. Who’s going to notice when it’s raining? Who’s going to notice a girl crying when the heavens have opened and people are dashing to get inside? It keeps me safe, makes me feel like I can finally be free. I can stand outside for hours, in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans while the rain pours down. I just close my eyes and wait… wait for the tears to stop, or the rain, whichever comes first.

I like the rain because it washes everything away: your sins, your regrets, your disappointments and leaves you clean again. So when it stops, you can start over. You can sin some more, regret some more, be disappointed some more… until the next time.

I don’t understand people who don’t like rain, why everyone races to get inside when they feel the first drops. I stand and wait for another drop and another until it’s all come down and there’s nothing left. That’s when the sun comes out and the clouds clear away and I have to stop crying. I have to be locked back up again until the next time it rains.

 

It rained that day. The last day of Camp. I cried then as well, out of habit, because that summer was the best. I’d been happy and free and I hadn’t needed the rain for a long while. But it must have known then, it must have known that I needed it because I had to say goodbye.

            Goodbyes for me aren’t usually hard, they don’t usually require rain, but that one did. I had to say goodbye to her...

That day, it poured down so hard that I felt like I was being battered, but I still stood out there because I knew that I wouldn’t get another chance to be truly free for a long while. As I stood there, eyes closed, face turned to the sky letting the rain soak me, I heard someone calling out my name.

‘Caitlyn? What are you doing out here?’

I had opened my eyes to see her stood in front of me, shivering, her arms hugging herself as the rain soaked her too. I didn’t say a word, just frowned and wondered what she was doing out here. Most people wouldn’t venture outside in the rain without an umbrella or coat, but she was dressed the same as me, t-shirt and jeans.

‘Caitlyn… are you crying?’

I didn’t understand how she had known, how she had seen, the rain always protected me… but not from her, she knew.

‘Caitlyn…’

She’d wiped the tears away, but more had fallen in time with the rain. She had frowned and moved closer to me, I’d been frozen to the spot, not daring to move in case someone else saw through my shield.

Without another word, she’d kissed me. A kiss so gentle, that I’d thought I’d imagined it, until she kissed me again, harder, then pulled me into a tight hug. She hadn’t been as wet as me, so I’d felt her warmth and it had seeped into me, warming me too.

We had stayed stood in the middle of Camp for a long time, her arms tight round me and mine, eventually, coming to encircle her. The rain didn’t stop for hours, but she never left me, and for some reason, a reason I didn’t know, I was glad.

No one had ever stood with me when it rained. No one had ever understood, but a part of me knew she did.

When she had pulled away, the rain starting to slow up, I saw that she had been crying too.

‘Jessie...’

I’d wiped her tears away and, without knowing why, I’d pressed my lips to hers.

‘Thank you.’

She had smiled at me and I’d hugged her tight one last time before I turned and left.

 

It’s been exactly a year since then and I was back at Camp, on the last day… and it was raining again. A small part of me just thought it was a coincidence, but the rest of me knew better.

As soon as I heard the first drops hit my window, I pulled off my jacket and made my way back to the same place. The place I knew she would find me.

I’d only been standing here a few minutes, staring up at the sky as the heavens poured down on me, when I heard footsteps and my name.

‘Caitlyn.’

It wasn’t a question this time. She knew I’d be here. I look down and see her in front of me, just like last time. No coat, no umbrella… just her: Jessie.

‘I thought I’d find you here.’

She smiles. Moving closer, her eyes fixed to mine and mine to hers. She’s beautiful, even more so in the rain, because that’s what rain does, it sets you free, shows who you really are.

I don’t know what to say so I just nod and wait, as she leans slowly towards me and presses her lips to mine the same way she had a year ago. This time I kiss back, wrapping my arms round her waist as hers circle my neck, pulling me to her.

I feel the tears escape and run down my face, mixing with the rain and… her tears. She’s crying too. I pull away slightly, to see if what I’d felt was real. She looks at me, understanding.

‘I think I like the rain.’

I nod, not able to find my voice.

‘I understand, Caitlyn. I like the rain, because… because when it rains… I get you and you show me who I really am, you set me free.’

She kisses me softly before hugging me again. Then I hear her whisper...

‘You’re my rain, Caitlyn. And I want to be yours.’

I feel something tug in my chest as more tears spill over and run freely down my face.

I was her rain.

‘I didn’t understand last year, Jess. But I do now… because when it rains, I always think of you.’

And she was mine.

I should know by now, that when it rains, everything changes.