In the End You Must Choose

Again, a segment from "More Than One Beginning;" always written as if it were a poem.

The voice said that it had chosen me for something. 

          It was for me to say whether I accepted or not, and there was no shame in saying no.  Something turned to me and said it is an honor I should be asked by Him.  The thing that had turned and spoken to me said “Him,” not ‘him,’ in that “Him” was a proper name rather than a pronoun.

          Him.  It could have been Her.  But the form said Him.

          I did not answer, but there was a cacophony urging me to “say yes.”    

          How could I?

          And then darkness.  It was everywhere.  I could not see the thing referenced as “Him,” and I could not see the things, un-bodied, urging my answer in the affirmative.  Nothing said say no.  Why is nothing telling me to say no?   

          And I asked Him, why?  A million whys.  He had said there would be no penalty, but He never answered a why.

          I didn't get answers, only His look and the peace that comes with His dwelling.

          The darkness is not because of the choice you have not made, but because you have not chosen.  You are neither hot nor cold.  There is no yes, there is no, no.  Only ...

          Only what?

          He asked, why can you not choose, even if the choice is no?  There is nothing wrong with saying no, only in not choosing.

          "I don't like being told I have to do anything, I guess,” was my only reply.  I was embarrassed not for what I said but for the recognition that the answer was completely true to my sense of self.  I had not chosen, I had refused to choose, because I was told I was given a choice and must choose. 

          He held no malice toward me or my lack of choice. 

          "But in the end you must choose, even if the choice is no."

          And I loved Him.

Reviews

[LW Stark]

Interesting excerpt. Lines 4 - 7 could be reworked; the fixation on literary terms such as "pronoun" take away from the mood. I liked cacophony but I'm on the fence about whether it should be used or not. I really liked the format, subtle changes totally helped twist the mood.

[Max64]

LW - thank you for your review and suggestions. Your comments were very helpful. I think ending line six after "proper name" flows far better than my original words.