Ever Lonelier

EVER LONELIER

Some twenty - thirty years earlier,
I was much livelier.
With her by my side,
It wasn’t so lonelier.


Some twenty - thirty years earlier,
We went to the sea.
Holding each other’s hand,
Laughing with ease.


Some twenty - thirty years earlier,
I lost her to the sea,
Coupled with my happiness,
Snatched away from me.


Some twenty - thirty years later,
I stand on the beach.
Near the sea,
That took her from me.
It remains as unchanged as ever,
Even though it changed me forever.


I wanted to grasp those moments,
But alas! I couldn’t.
Only for them to get hazier,
And me to be ever lonelier.

Author's Note

Please everyone, give your reviews truthfully (even if they are harsh). This is my first try at writing a poem. So tell me how I have written so I can do better next time. Thank you for reading my poem

Reviews

[Gladys]

Good job for a first poem. I like the story of how "she" was taken by the sea.

I think the last stanza can be better - the poem ended a bit abruptly for me. Somehow, not having the "time stamp" made it a bit of a sudden ending for me.

Also, "It wasn’t so lonelier" doesn't make sense. Did you mean "lonely"?

[Max]

Thanks for your truthful review. I'll try to write better next time and keep your comment in mind.read moreThanks for your truthful review. I'll try to write better next time and keep your comment in mind.
Lonelier is comparative adjective of lonely. So I compared that he is more lonely without her.
Thanks a lot for your review.

[Akansha]

Loneliness and pain come in our life in some or the other way.A painful yet beautiful piece!

[Max]

Thank you for your comment. Means a lot coming from a good writer like you.

[Akansha]

Thanks for the compliment but I am merely a beginner penning down my thoughts! :)