26

Stagnation treadmill

so much love and pain and apathy

  I don't think I can find it in me

overwhelming and smothering and suffocating

listless stalling denial of every passing moment

no questions and no answers and no reason

  I can't compare what I don't understand

  I can't live something that I cannot feel

  I cannot feel anything but everything at once

assaulting my mind and halting my progress

..to an end or a beginning or nothing

carelessness intertwined with self doubt and self awareness

the mirror doesn't reflect the shell or the core but the state

the state doesn't reveal the self

only the lie and the result

avoid my gaze and forget

..and sleep

..and die

get passed by and removed

..from my own plans and the empty vision of a future or failure

the future of a failure in motion

powerless to acknowledge my own power to dictate the terms of my destruction

..or resurrection

prevailing weakness entrenched closely within

it comforts as it kills

forecasting perceptions of invalidation

acceptance of inevitability

a mirage of futility

psychosomatic internalization of defeat

admission uncovers a red herring

the plot holes of a story unwritten

avoid my life and forget

..and sleep

..and die