Heavenly Moments in Nature...

I love thinking about spending my time in rich green meadows and in forests so here's something for my Mother Nature...

I was walking on the dew-laid grass

Grass so rich and lush green.

As far as my eyes could see

There were bushes, shrubs and thick undergrowth

And amongst them stood tall and firm-

The silent and mighty Trees

So lofty and huge that even

A beam of sunlight could barely manage to seep in.

It was so refreshing, so pristine

It soothed my soul to the core of my heart

I ran and danced on the picturesque land

Sparrows and Butterflies, Deers and Bears

Were all my lovely peers...

Everything bloomed in perfect harmony

Because the Evil man had not yet

Pounced on this heavenly abode!

I became a different me...

Capering and frolicking in the lap of Nature

I wanted this to be my past, present and future...

I didn't want to leave...

Wished to spend my life here forever...

Before my brother growled at me

For sleeping till late!

And I opened my eyes to see

I was prisoned in the four walls of my room...

My ecstasy vanished and what left behind was all Gloom :(

Author's Note

It comes straight from my heart... :)

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear harman,

What a wonderful dream. Sorry you had to return to the stark reality of four walls.

You did a wonderful job of imparting the free and open freedom one feels in nature. Sometimes it feels as if there is no ceiling to your soul and that you too also extend to infinity. It's at times like these that one is the most free, colors are the most vivid, that air is the freshest and tastes almost sweet as it fills the lungs.

Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[The Perfectionist]

It's pretty, but there's not much else to be said. I like the dream aspect, and your description, but you may want to watch how you end a few of the lines. Whether you want it to or not, a line break creates a pause in the reading, and some of the places you've put them look strange (line 7 and 15 are particular examples). I would understand it if you had any kind of form, but this is free verse, so I'm left to wonder.

Also, does the odd capitalization seem out of place to anyone else?

[WriterSki7]

"It comes straight from my heart... :)"
As most poetry should! (You ever hear a poem that didn't come from the heart?)

Now in regards to the poem this is not a stanza peice. Albiet I bite my tongue on the issue of true tranquility, I must say the scene painted here is quite serene. Your flow is rather smooth and you use of language is fine. A few terms were confusing, conflicting with the rest of the poem but overall you did a fine job.

[deeps]

I thought this read well. There are rhymes in here.
I like the emotion you put into this write.

[MagiCrystal]

Poetry never has to rhyme...it's like Seasons not one it's alike !
The heart it the final word.. from you and I second that emotion!
Bello

[Tapsi]

feelings well expressed:)
the thing is some of ur lines do rhyme while others don't. that obstructs the flow of you poem a bit. otherwise it was very nice :)

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

this was very lovely:)

[Constance-Outspoken]

This is beautifully expressed, and a dream I've had before, with a few different details.
You did rhyme a couple of times, and its better to continue not rhyming if you don't plan to rhyme. Rhyme and meter must work together to make rhyme work and feel natural. In other words, to make the unnatural natural we must plan it out very very well. It takes practice, and I too am still imperfect. I like to play with form, experiment.
It's certainly not absurdity, in the least. Thank you very much for sharing this beautiful gem.

[Princy]

This was sublime! I love this aspect of nature you can keep on admiring it for hours and hours. And the last stanza where the dream is broken and your back to the boring compact center of your room is perfectly explained. Overall a beautiful write. :-)

[Nayan]

Oh! such a lovely green dream and expressed so beautifully!