You Can't Deceive Me!!!

I was a girl who used to believe in people very easily... But that's not good... So now I am trying my best to change myself... and I have succeeded to a great extent!!!:) So this one is regarding it.

With your bewitching smiles,

Your pretentious eyes,

And your glorious lies...

You think you have won my heart;

But its not all that easy...

Excuse me! You cant deceive me!

You tell me I have a heart of gold,

You bend and fold and twist and mold,

Make me feel on the top of world!

You think you have won my faith;

Oops! Its not all that easy...

Sorry! You cant deceive me!

I peep into the nooks and corners of your heart

Without your knowledge I judge every part;

I don't believe in first impression

'Coz it can later lead to depression

I take time to build any relation...

So please don't try to cheat me

Because it's not all that easy

NO! NO! You can't deceive me!!! 

                                                                                                                13/03/10

Author's Note

Don't trust people easily Take your time... Test your relationships... This is the message I would like send across through this poem...

Reviews

[Kirsty Leigh Walker]

Such a great poem, really felt every word and relate to them strongly !

[MagiCrystal]

Never go into the deep water.. don't test it.. please

[Nayan]

Hahaha! Loved the repetition of the line "You can't deceive me" in every stanza! They make the poem even the more strong and rhyming.

As far as the meaning behind the lines are concerned, I must reiterate that every innocent person in this world feels the same :) The world is not a very good place for the good-hearted!

[Dev]

Okay so technically I'm not as good as Delphine so I wont touch that.. But I think that you've conveyed your emotions really well... Trust is to be earned and once its broken its very hard to avoid the big crack that develops .... & No I wont try to deceive you ;)

[Delphine]

It's considerable, though I spot a few problems.

First, I'll talk about the structure. The structure is boring, it's bland, it reads like clumsily-written prose. When trying to convey emotion to the reader, you need to keep the structure interesting, because it leaves the audience enraptured, it leaves them intrigued and it makes them want to carry on reading. This is not a feature in this poem. You wrote this poem as if this was how you'd say it, and for you, that might have been the desired goal, but for me, it makes it look amateur.

Experiment with the structure. Experiment with words. It doesn't have to make sense as long as you know what it means, as long as you can find meaning in it and as long as it means something to you.

Another thing is imagery. Draw the scene out for us. Don't just tell us of her frustrations, tell us of where her frustrations took place, and that's when we'll really be allowed to imagine this poem, these scenes.

[Simple_mee]

A very cute write. Ur poems are always very difffrent and have that casual tone to them that make them all the more fun to read.
Every word was true to the core. People should not be trusted blindly....