QUEEN BEE

"QUEEN BEE"

Dark secrets hidden in a blissful tale,

in name, I am the queen, in substance the captive.

Never before was my story heard,

now that I have a chance, I won't hold anything back.

When for the first time I left my hive,

breathing in the sweet scent of the world.

Little did I know that my maiden flight

would be the last one I would ever take.

I was grandly made the queen,

something I never wanted to be,

Being fed and cared for always,

but what is life, when you are not in control of it?

I silently watch the others, moving about on their own accord.

How I silently sob, and envy their liberty.

How I wish the day would return,

when I had taken off, for the first

and the last time of my life!

Author's Note

Just something I thought of in the middle of the night, so pretty random...And the queen bees leave their hives only once in their life :)

Reviews

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!
this is sad yet beautiful.........
well control is an illusion.......
even if we turn back time........we cannot ensure that this time things won't go wrong........there is black and white......but also 50 shades of grey.........
amazing write....
i loved it!!!
:)

[Maumil Mehraj]

Thanks so much for your lovely review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong and powerful use of words.
"Dark secrets hidden in a blissful tale,
in name, I am the queen, in substance the captive."
The above lines are amazing. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Reina Love]

Ok sorry but this is just a bit creepy for me cause i ended up freaking out about a bee on my room it was a queen bee and i wish so badly that he didn't do it but my fiance trapped her and she died hours later. So yaaaaaaa reading this is a bit creepy for me after that happening to me haha but its still a good read.

[Maumil Mehraj]

Hahahaa!! poor bee :( Thanks for reading

[R Smith]

excellent poem Maumil, certainly a sad tale of the queen bee, just taking that one flight and you write about it superbly, lovely work :)

[Maumil Mehraj]

Thanks very much sir for your kind review! :)

[Ashadan]

There's nothing i can say for the reason of the review below=) .I actually like the flow of the poem =)

[Maumil Mehraj]

Thanks. I am glad you liked it :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

The poem is great! Simply expressed but very deep. The longing, the pain of the queen bee is evident throughout the poem. Excellently expressed. :)

Dark secrets hidden in a blissful tale,
This line is so effective in itself. Great job! :)

in name, I am the queen, in substance the captive.
Another very deep line. Beautifully written! :) There's one thing about this, though. I was wondering whether ''by name, I am the queen........'' might not be more appropriate here. As I assume you've used ''in'' to give a poetic effect to the line i.e. ''in name'' and ''in substance'' would go well together but I think ''by name'' is how we usually write it.

Never before was my tale heard,
now that I have a chance, I won't hold anything back.
These are such great and compelling lines. One just has to know what happened next. :)

I was grandly made the queen,
something I never wanted to be,
I love the humbleness of this bee. ;)

Being fed and cared for always,
but what is life, when you are not in control of it?
Now that's so true. Freedom is everyone's birthright. You've expressed this really, really well. Great job! :)

I silently watch the others, on their own accord.
How I silently sob, and envy their liberty.
I like this silent-watching business. Watching in silence gives out a great feeling of distress and agony. The choice of words is excellent. :) However, we don't say ''on their own accord'' but ''of their own accord'' and that too is an incomplete statement. It's basically like you do something of your own accord like ''I slept of my own accord'' which would mean ''I slept as and whenever I pleased''. Apart from this, I loved the lines and the clear meaning that they convey. :)

How I wish the day would return,
when I had taken off, for the first
and the last time of my life!
Wow! You've done a wonderful job here! These lines are so effectively moving. Amazing! :)

An absolutely marvellous poem. Keep up the good work! :)

[Maumil Mehraj]

Many thanks for your review!

[613]

I suggest switching out "tale" for something else. You use it twice in close proximity to each other; it doesn't flow very well. At least not to me.

Overall, very nice job!

- Brittney

[Maumil Mehraj]

I'll consider that. Thanks

[613]

Sure thing.

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome write... enjoyed this poem very much :)

[Maumil Mehraj]

Thanks very much :)