Modern Teenager

A Story by Matyushkin

A page long satire about the difficult years of adolescence and the point-of-view of teens.

Crazy people surround me.

Today was such a nice day that I decided to walk to Wal-Mart in the rain to buy the ingredients for super. You know how father is... He never cooks and it's not like three-year old Jayson can do it! And, here I go again getting off topic. Where was I? Oh yes, the walk to Wal-Mart was splendid--I got drenched with rain. I wore only my bathing suit because I love the feel of autumn rain on my skin, so cool and wet.

I was feeling so good from the wall that I did a summersault in the entrance and I got the weirdest look from the greeter. She was an old, gray-hair that clearly has never seen a bathing suit. It made me feel twisted up inside the way she looked at me. I asked her what she was gawking at but she just shook her head.

Weird, I know...

Wait, the weirdness doesn't stop there. When I went to the frozen meat part of the store, I got more of those looks. This one guy (I didn't catch his name and honestly, didn't want to--he was so rude) called me wired. Well, he used a different word but, really? I'm the crazy one? Buddy, I wasn't the one telling a complete stranger how she should dress (and also when she didn't even do anything to you). I started thinking then, "what in the world is wrong with people here" as I walked looking for the meat.

They had lamb, pork, chicken, beef and even horse but that was all. I looked and looked (all while the people stared at me!) then concluded that they probably kept it in the back. I mean, I was looking for some high-priced meat.

"It's definitely in the back, Abby. Ask someone to get for you from the back", I told myself. This one nutty lady eavesdropped onto my conversation with myself and turned to walk in an opposite direction as me. I guess she has never heard another person talk...

Again, the people here are nuts.

My stomach was growling from hunger when I found a stock boy. I told him to go in the back and get me my dinner (it was getting late and I was annoyed at all the looks). He looked terrified. It was as if I'd told him that I wanted to eat him for dinner instead. Honestly, I would have if he hadn't run off. Then came all this crap with the police...

The boy came back with this hard-faced girl in a blue uniform. She told me that they'd called the police and that I couldn't leave until the cops showed up. I told her about my aching gut. I was starving and she just told me to be quite. She had a stun gun. I saw her fingering it when I starting looking around for the quickest get-away route. So, I stayed.

People are insane. I walk into a store wanting to buy dinner and get arrested for asking someone to get me something from the back. Isn't it there job to assist their customers? I can't believe that they tried to handcuff me! Yes! When the cops came, they tried to cuff me! And all for a question; all because I asked a stock boy to get the human heads from the back so I could have a decent dinner!

The people are all crazy. Crazy people surround me!