Prologue

Please note that I am consentrating on Realm 3 and so chapters in this Story may be a long time in coming. this is a short prologue not told in first persson like the rest of my story.

PROLOGUE

Aniris hurried along the path but did not run rather walked very fast. He was muttering to himself as if he might be mad. Occasionally he would pass a guard who would only catch a few words of his mutterings, such as “a whole day and night” and “who knows how long.” Unless you heard what he was muttering you wouldn’t be able to understand… this is what he was muttering. “The messenger ran for a whole day and night to reach me, and who knows how long the guards were dead before the messenger was sent. An entire Army could have been sent through, by now the five of the prophecy could be dead and may never reach our world, we must send our own magician at once… but I have to tell Nila first, besides she knows which magician it will be best to send. The war has now started in earnest.” Suddenly the air filled with a whistle and in the blink of an eye a single arrow shaft buried itself in his chest. He would never know that Nila did already know that the guards guarding the door to another world had been mercilessly slaughtered. And that she had already sent the best magician for the job. But that single arrow said many things as Aniris's blood stained the snow a cold blood red. Don’t interfere. Guards won’t stop us. And most terrifying of all, nowhere is safe.

Author's Note

I have only just written this about 1 hour ago (its currently 12:33 AM saturday 9th of january 2010) it was never part of my first copy or even my later ones.

Reviews

[Lowesy]

ok first of all you need to break up this big chunk of a paragraph, where the characters speaks, start a new line. I liked it, Aniris' voice was believable of someone of his...authority, that's the impression he gives anyway, someone who is in charge of people but doesn't seem military, maybe a messenger himself just in a higher place. You didn't drag us down with too many words that would distract from the original point and actions, although I think it would be better if you to include a few characteristics of Aniris'. Trends and fumblings he may have, make us familiar with this character, not bonded but not watching him from a distance, the shock of his death would be ten fold if you were to do this. I liked the last line, it summed it up nicely in a bow, very good.

Mark

[Katie]

Definitely a good start. I think that you may want to start another paragraph and separate his muttering from the body of the main paragraph so that it doesn't mesh into one long entity. But overall, good job!

[Ama May Cooper]

A interesting start, a little empty but something to build on.
The use of descritption is loose, but still possible to congure up some interesting images, it flows well is clear and presice. I see promise in this story x

[James Watts]

I can't do a decent review on the prologue alone, but the concept does seem intriguing.

[sawreese]

Nice intro. I won't repeat the stuff that's already been said, but I enjoyed this. Too short to really analyze your writing style, but it's just a prologue so that can be expected. I do like the foreboding tone though.

[Sci-Fi]

definitely agree with Persephoneia, add a few commas towards the beginning. other than that, mad.

[Miss Coral]

I think that this is really good, but I would change and/or omit the sentence
"Unless you heard what he was muttering you wouldn’t be able to understand… this is what he was muttering."

and possibly add in a few commas here and there, especially towards the beginning. Great job overall, especially in the ending.