Life

This piece is mostly older, at least 2 years, recently dug it up and finished it.

Bang.

 

It was the last thing I remembered, the last thing that meant anything.  Funny, how they say it flashes before your eyes, it doesn't.  They say there's a light, a tunnel?  There isn't.  That the one you love is imprinted in your eyes, so you can see them one last time, the mercy of a final vision.

 

She wasn't there.

 

Everything slows down, crawls really.  You feel your heart drop, everything drops.  Your stomach, your arms, your thoughts, they all slow down into a sluggish emptiness while everything around you rises.  The clouds lift further out of your vision, comrades, their backs to you, not even noticing you fall, rise above you.  The blades of grass already begin to blanket you.  You're even further below the ants.  You drop out of the world itself, the sweat on your body freezes, and everything slows down even further.  Time continues to slow.  The ground continues to rise. 

 

Then, there's nothing.

 

Slowly, the dark luminates.  It doesn't become bright, but the darkness releases you, even through closed eyes you can feel it.  The cold thaws, and feelings come back.  Slowly at first, then rapidly, just to slow down once more.  As if undecided what it wants you to experience.  Tingles ripple from the stomach, not from the belly button, but someplace deeper.  Not from anything I was aware of before.  Not a feeling as if it came from the inside, but somewhere deeper.  Not from anything or any place physical, but ley line of my body.

 

An anchor.

 

There is light now, but... am I ready to face it?  They say there's resolution, closure, you will know what you did, and see how your ripples will flow across the pond afterwards.  And the questions that everyone is scared of, more so than actually dying, more than any other fear, the true fear.  The fear that stems from their heart, mind, and soul.

 

Did I make a difference?

 

Will I be remembered?

 

I feel the response more than I hear it.  A rumble through the bones more than a wave through my ear.  Deep and soundless, almost like silent thunder. It was the response I had expected, the blunt truth of it, of a direct reply held more strength than any response I could have recieved.  I knew it would come.  And yet, I didn't feel remorseful or angry, or even false hope subside.

 

It was as I expected.

 

I nodded, it was a loose nod, my chin dropped to my chest and rose back up.  I could move again, but, I still did not want to open my eyes.  Thoughts came back to me, of where I was, and what had happened.  How would everyone continue?  Not a question of guilt or anguish, but of pure curiosity.

 

Am I ready?

 

I opened my eyes, not suddenly, not slowly, but, ready to drink in all that would follow, this was going to be a time of answers, of resolution, of closure.

 

What are my ripples?

 

There he stood before me, not with an aura of gold, or sunlight spouting from him.  There was no chorus, or chirping.  He just stood before me, I know who he was and why he was there, but his body was familiar, too familiar.  Realization washed over me.  The wave knocked my confidence away, left me before him naked, no armor protected me from his gaze.

 

He nodded and turned, and began to walk away.

 

I am ready.