Sail along the Thames

Short poem about a sail down the Thames on a barge boat, part story part metaphor. Comments welcome!

Barge boat, sailing down the Thames on a bright April day,

Through the canal waters in the country, the city smoke far away.

Waiting for you to join me at the stern, take in the crisp morning air,

We’ll share a thermos of English breakfast tea, once you join me there.

 

Drift alongside the towpaths, past the Sunday morning football games,

The youth players warming up say don’t expect you yet, but I don’t know their names

 

So I sail a little further, watching the early Spring light dance over the wake

And I wave to the pathside walkers, who wait to throw a stick as their dogs shake

After a quick friendly banter, they say it’s too early for you to see

I sigh, say thanks, then sail on wondering how they knew to tell me.

 

So I decide to meet you at the lock, that I lazily glide onward too

Though as our boat arrives, you’re not there so I have to go on through

The old lock captain assures me he’ll pass on the message I couldn’t wait for you.

 

The sun softly begins to fade over the water, casting a cinnamon glow

I enjoy watching the gulls in flight, and the white swans paddling with the flow

I think to myself that, as darkness falls, I’ll wait for you in a quay-side Inn

There’s a favourite of mine that serves good food, real ale and Plymouth gin.

 

I put the motor on to help navigate and anchor down starboard to the quay

The Inn’s ferryman silently nods me aboard, and we set off from the jetty

I wonder; looking back in the dark at the empty boat, “where was she?”

 

Reviews

[Ian]

O my you are the King of Imagery seriously i like the part in your poem" The sun softly begins to fade over the water, casting a cinnamon glow enjoy watching the gulls in flight, and the white swans paddling with the flow" you are the best for doing something like this telling a story out of this poem of your trip and what you seen along side it. I loved it

[Taylor H.]

I'm making up for reviews I haven't returned. So you may get a few from me depending :). OK, this was beautiful and made me think I was on a boat lol. You're such a great writer. I wish I could steal some of your talent. :)

[JudeTrain]

I thought Thales was a philosopher...oh never mind. Well i'll be the first to say this has great imagery-Ahem-anyways my favorite stanza has to be the third, the bit about the dogs makes it very real to me, along with talking about the inn that serves good food. I mean have you been to this place or something? haha well done 80/100

[Millionth Muse]

First, beautiful imagery, but that almost goes without saying. As if I didn't already, this truly made me want to see the Thames and experience this part of the world. At first I felt as though the poem itself was a bit bulky, as i tend to write in favor of shorter lines, but in the end I think that this is your style and it works for setting an amazing mood and breathtaking picture. Look forward to reading more of your stuff!

[Theresa]

Wow reading this I felt like I was on the boat. You create such a beautiful and realistic picture from your words and descriptions. I like the story that was created as well and how you end it with a question. You can feel the longing for the girl and the disappointment of her not being there. Another great piece. Really loved it.

[emmajoy]

The poem glides along, line after line, just as the boat does .. gently, wondering, excited and anticipating .. some wonderful phrases 'watching the early Spring light dance over the wake And I wave to the pathside walkers, who wait to throw a stick as their dogs shake '.

'The sun softly begins to fade over the water, casting a cinnamon glow - I enjoy watching the gulls in flight, and the white swans paddling with the flow; - 'cinnamon flow- , yessss!

There seems to be a little mystery here .. waiting and waiting for 'her' to arrive, yet never does .. sadness in your final lines.

I wonder if you could add a third line to the second stanza - not a critism, just a suggestion.

[AdvisorGirl]

I love it. The way the poem flows and the ryhming is great! Good Job!!

[Micah_s5]

very nice imagery. While I was reading it, it felt very slow. But refreshing in parts, then kind of disappointing and sad in others. Not disappointing in the meaning that your writing was, but that the character was disappointed in the having to pass by the dock where he was suppose to meet the girl. The story has a bright fresh air feel and atmosphere, then a sad dreary I'll sink into my drink type of feel to the character. That's just how I saw it, nice work.

[Aradie Rain]

Very good imagery. You could see each piece in your mind and feel as if you too were waiting for that girl who didn't come. All the while I was waiting for her, it left us wanting more, and thats a good thing. Great Job
~Aradie

[Therene]

Again, I'm not the best judge for poems. :D

But I must say, you've painted one beautiful picture into my mind. I agree with Ian on you being the King of Imagery. You managed to instill brick by brick a lovely painting.

On content, it made me longing for a distant past. :)

Great write!