New Years Night

A short story about Christmas, Love, and change. Be your self, yourself is the best you you can be.

Christmas eve, 1999, Manhattan. The four horsemen slowly rode down the streets in front of the parade. It was barely snowing. A giant blimp hovered the marching nut crackers, all the same height and dressed exactly the same with little to no difference in face shape. All of them were men in pale white foundation and rosy red cheeks. Behind them were the skipping Mrs Clauses, young and sheen all still looking the same, but one girl stood out in my mind... Santas sleigh dragged behind them being pulled by horses dressed as deer, they even had Rudolph lighting the way. I didn't care much care for the show, the only show I was watching was my one love, Keanna. I met her in high school a couple years back when she moved here from Utah, I usually go by Andrew, but she likes to call me Andy. We became good friends, but I could never tell her how I felt, not that I was scared, I just didn't even know myself. I've never known how I feel about anything, its always changing. People hate themselves for not being able to change themselves. Change is all I am. It's like my personality changes by the hour without notice. I'm a different face every day, a different mind, a different person... When I look in the mirror, I see a hormonal teenage boy, but no soul, no genuine artifact indicating there's someone inside that shell. She makes me feel whole again, when I'm with her, I'm my true self that the many variants I go through every day have ripped off and twisted into their own people. My mind is shared by many, and the list doesn't stop. The only time I stop generating these versions are when I feel this spark. This spark of life that illuminates inside me when I see her. Its warm, fuzzy, Its what all those cheesy feel good movies are made of... Love.

As she and the rest of the parade stopped, and the nut crackers stopped tooting their horns and beating their drums, Santa stood up, stared into the crowd, and yelled “Merry Christmas! And a happy new year!” The crowd screamed with joy and the paraders tossed their hats into the air. As they all bowed, she looked up and we caught our eyes. I smiled, and she smiled back. She looked to the streets and turned back to face me. She speed walked over to me and gave me a hug. “Hey.” she said softly. “Hey. Are we still watching the ball drop tonight?” I asked. “Of course. I'm allowed to stay the night to, if that's alright.”

“yea that's great, it'll be awesome, just the two of us, and the end of the world.”

“Ha! Yep, just the two of us”

“HaHa, yea. c'mon, lets get out of the cold, its freezing out here.”

“Sounds good, I'm dying. My legs are so sore.”

“Wanna skip back to my place?”

“NO!”

I laughed, and she gave me an irritated smile. She tried to make it seem like she didn't like me bugging her, but she cant hide it when she finds it funny. We always bug each other in a playful way, but I don't think I ever considered it flirting until now. Now was different.

As we started to walk, she held my hand. My chest tightened. She had never done that before. I looked at our hands, and looked at her eyes as she was looking at our hands too. I held tighter and saw her smile and glance at me before she looked back down at the road. I wanted this walk to last forever, just the curiosity of tonight made my heart flutter, would I be able to tell her my feelings? Or will we just stay friends... I don't want tonight to be another hang out, I want it to be the last hang out as friends, I want her to know how I feel about her, but I don't know how to explain it. I never have.

I unlocked the door and we both crept in. We both took off our boots and the rest of our snow gear and walked upstairs into the living room. It was just me and my mother, and she usually goes to bed around 8:00pm, so I had nothing to worry about her teasing me for having a girl over. Especially staying the night.

I clicked on the TV to CNN, the ball drop was in ten minutes. I turned around to see her already sitting on the couch, all snuggled up with the decorative Christmas pillow.

I sat down beside her, and looked at her in the eyes as she looked back at me.

“Hey, whats you're favorite Star Wars movie?” I asked ironically. “Andy, I swear to god.” She said while laughing. When we first started hanging out, We would always watch Star Wars in my room and talk, we never really paid attention to it, but we watched Return of the Jedi so many times she had refused to hang out at my place if we watched it again, so logically... I just put on a different Star Wars movie. That didn't end well either. Now when ever I mention Star Wars she gives me a disappointment nod and smiles. As I awkwardly thought of something to say, she held my hand again. This time I didn't look, I was frightened and didn't know what to do again. “Whats up” She said softly. “Not much.” I replied.

“Anything cool happen today?”

“Not really, do your legs still hurt?”

“Only a little.”

“Are you sure?”

“Maybe, your hands really warm.”

She leaned in closer.

“So is yours...”

I held tighter, and leaned in a bit closer.

“You seem pretty comfy with that pillow.”

She handed it over to me, and as I held my other hand out to it, she put down the pillow and held my other hand, slightly tugging at it as if to say-

“come here...”

I leaned in, and she came closer. Our foreheads were touching, our eyes were closed, the crowd had finished counting down, and we kissed. I had found a feeling in myself that I had never felt before, I felt... Like I was me again, like I was done changing, The endless cycle of people that my mind had created to replace me had stopped, I was whole again, I was in love. We were in love.

The ball dropped, and as the hour ended, I had stopped changing. For the rest of my life I would stay as myself because I knew that myself was the best self I could be. There was no need to change who I was, she knew that all along. She knew who I was before I did. We cuddled for the rest of the night and kissed until we fell asleep on the couch under a thick Christmas blanket my mother had knit for me last year. She was laying on me with her head resting on my chest, her thick brown hair covered my arm. My other arm wrapped around her. We would go on to marry each other six years later, the best part about those six years were I got to spend them with her, not as a twisted persona I had accidentally slipped into, but as me. We loved each other till thy end and after. Forever and ever. Till the day we rested in the same coffin, On New Years Night.