Stand Up Comedy

So, this is a blog-like thing, here. I'm going to write down se of my stories, ideas, and jokes; some might find a few offensive. Some people get offended by the dumbest s**t, though. Like I once toldy friend a "dead baby" joke, and she started freaking out, saying, "You're so f*****g insensitive! What the hell? I can't believe you just told me a "dead baby" joke!" I was just trying to lighten the mood for her abortion.

So, I hate how my guy friends will call you gay if you do something semi-feminine, or something they don't enjoy. Like, I got a coffee from Starbucks, it was blended with caramel and whipped cream on it. But, my friend saw me and started saying, "What a f*g! You're so f*****g gay!"
It's gotten to the point where you can't even watch the Broke Back Mountain, and masturbate to it fir hours on your boy friend's couch, without someone calling you gay!

Here's a story: my friend called me up, the other day. He asks if I want to out to dinner, I say, "Yeah, sounds great!"
He goes, "Wanna try that new Chinese place?"
"Um, no!"
"Why the hell not??"
"Why would I want to eat at a resturaunt that gets it's food from the per store across the street??"
I'm not being raccist, I'm just stating facts; the Chinese are disgusting!

Have you heard about the Care Bear that was taken off the market? He was taken down for loving children a bit too much. He didn't even have a rainbow or anything like that on his chest; all he had were tattoos that said "respect
and discipline". With a name like Pedo-Bear, I don't know why everyone was surprised when he fucked a child in the a*s.

I don't get how people can use these phone sex businesses. All it really is is jerking off, while talking to a stranger. I do that everythime I use the stall at Wal-Mart.

I had a black friend, growing up. We used to always play these pranks on eachother. Like, once, he egged my f*****g house. So, to get him back, I just f*****g burned a cross in his yard. The next day, at recess, he pulled my pants down and I reminded him that his dad never did return from that cigarette run.

So, I enjoy writing. I hope to make a career off of it, but that wasn't always my goal. For awhile, I wanted to get into music. I actually joined a choir class, for awhile. Well, I guess it wasn't technically a class, so much as me and twelve other guys, just singing, ya know, together, naked, I'm a shower. The name of our group was called "Shower Head". That's an oral sex pun, for those who don't understand. People complain that I correct them too much. How do you think I feel, knowing that they're always wrong?

Reviews

[Joby Bottoms]

Good. Comedy is supposed to be about observing boundaries and then kicking the s**t through them, regardless of who is offended. As long as one person laughs, at minimum, then you know you're not a complete freak a*****e. Liking your work. Keep it original and anecdotal and to hell with what anyone else says!

[CHRIS ANDES]

it's good when you know yourself better than them
..you must not just jump into conclusion about Chinese people coz I think you still don't know how a streetfood tastes until you experience eating it
..nice piece
..

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Totally hilarious :D