Words and Punctuations

A Story by MattHeston

I believe as Americans our standard of art has decreased greatly. Partially due to these "Modern artist" No Im not dissing it at all. I agree it's art just more hip and modern, if modern means s****y. What makes me mad is that they're always so proud of what they've done. "Oh hey, come check out my new painting." "Oh, that looks great." "Really? Cuz I just puked on a canvas and that's how it came out." "What do you call it" "I call it Dwayne Johnsons acting.

I believe creativity is the building block for a functioning society. With out creativity there's no artist, right? What makes a good artist? Artist like myself or DaVinci. I call myself an artist because I am. I'm not just a writer, I'm an artist. Maybe not a very good one but an artist none the less.

Artist tend to go unnoticed. Well, so do white people in a mug shot but what happens in your neighbors backyard, scars their children for life. But People don't notice me, like once I was walking through a forest and a tree fell right in front of me and it didn't make a sound.

Some say art is suffering, that it comes from a pain or tragedy in ones life. That great new things come from suffering, like I'm sure the invent of the boomerang had abandonment issues. Or the maker of memory foam had a tragedy that he forgot about or the creator of Miley Cyrus is f*****g Satan!

Some say I have Anti social tendencies. To them I say, don't talk to me I don't enjoy face time. But, as a child I had trouble making friends. All I really had were imaginary acquaintances.

People also say that I'm unrealistic. I'm not, I just like to make the best out of a bad situation. That's why I treat 911 like a holiday. I make paper airplanes and play janga.

These are some jokes.

I don't think you should fly Virgin air lines. Why would you want to use an airlines that doesn't go all the way?

Have you ever been taking a shower and you go to take a step and you trip on your dick? It's worse when you land on your balls.

My goal in life is to have the confidence of a game show host and tue self respect to never be one.

You know when people are comfortable they say "I'm in heaven? I say "Hell was exaggerated."

I used to work at home but got fired for sexual harassment.

My uncle was afraid of me because I molested him to turn the tables.

Okay, this is kind of weird. Its like a monologue followed by jokes in a repeated succession. And well, this is just sort of thrown together nothing fancy. But, heres a bit about myself. Im fifteen, Im a young comedian. I hate that term because Im not just a comedian, Im an artist. I truly believe that. People have trouble taking me seriously.

People come up to me and say, "Matt, you always joke around. You obviously have no sensitive side." The truth is I do. I'd like to express that in a poem. This poem is called "One too many"

Roses are red

Waffles are blue

Seamen are drowning

In your morning dew

And her belly aches

And her movements slow

I said, "Go down! She's about to blow."

And so, as day is night

And black is white

Apply the glue

To the areas that are tight

So, that was a bit vulgar but you know, it's satire, it's art. And, as my father used to say, "Ill be right back." People say I tend to be racist. The truth is I hate racism. Theres only one thing I hate more than racism... black people.

I'm joking. I don't condone intolerance of any kind. I say it for comedic irony. I also make religious jokes, not for the reason that you think, I do it cuz I find a certain level of humor in it.

Its lonely at the top. Its even lonelier at the tippy top. In the middle its crowded and uncomfortable.

The other day I went to a Wal Mart and I had no clue where the hot pockets were. So I asked a lady where they were and she said, "I dont work here." And I said, "Your defeated demeanor threw me off." Its as if her mind was unfunctional and she mistook the meaning of the question. Like if someone asked if I was ever touched as a child and I said, "Im not Catholic."

I had a monster in my closet. Then he came out and it turns out he is extremely flamboyant.

Once I had a dream and I asked my friend what he thought it meant. He said, "I think it means you were asleep."

So, I had trouble making friends growing up. All I really had were imaginary aquatinses.

Segues are weird.

You know whats fun to do? When your friend is sleeping do things that will make him think hes dreaming as hes waking up. Like move objects and chant weird things. One time I got him good. Like as soon as he woke up, like immediately, I shot out his knee and raped his family. But, he got me back. He dressed up like my father and told me he loved me.

My grandpa always defined love as the complete acceptance and dependence on a person. I define love as, cumming in her face and washing it off with the twenty dollar bill she paid you.

And definitions are interesting. I like to define certain words or phrases people rarely use. Such as, ostentatious: My friends a show off a*****e who couldnt just shut the f**k up and let me get the girl.

I like to type the word define into Google and watch it not know what to do. But, how do you define emotions? I believe art is the expression of emotion, but not necessarily the definition of them. And, before you go, leave here, and carolise in this world void of art I want you to realize that art is ever present and how you decide to cope with that is completely up to you.