Frankly Frank (Holy F**k)

The scene opens up with John ( Franks dad) and Frank sitting in the living room.

 

John: Frank, I have to tell you something. We are poor.

 

Frank: Yea, well spending my college fund on hookers probably had something to do with it.

 

John: Hey! It`s not easy being ugly.

 

Frank: What about the funds that mom left us?

 

John: Well, when your mom was abducted by aliens she left us a portion of money. Most of it went into your college, my hooker, fund. So I figure we should both get a part time job to pay for the mess we got in.

 

Frank: We? You spent all our money on hookers. I`m not getting a job to pay for you! Any way I got to school.

 

John: Fine, mister rich a*s school boy.

 

                     Frank walks into school and goes over to his locker where Skylar was waiting for him. Frank explains his situation to Skylar and Skylar has the perfect solution.

 

Skylar: If I were in you`re situation I`d probably make a porno.

 

Frank: Oh sorry I forgot there for a second that you were incompetent and frankly a bit disillusional.

 

Skylar: No man, I`m serious! My uncle made thousands off a porn, and it`s so simple to do, all you do is get two narcissist in a room and video tape them and eventually they`ll start to have sex.

 

Frank: But I can`t. I mean my dad would be fine with it, but I got to get to heaven and I don`t think making a porn would get me on God`s good side.

 

Skylar: Why don`t you make a porno telling the story of the Bible?

 

Frank: You mean, like a Bible porno? Well as long as there`s no Jews or fagots God should be fine with it.

 

Skylar: Amen! Now where did I put my camera?

 

            Frank explains his plan to John back at his house. John looked at him blankly.

 

John: So, you think just because that I`m horny, I`d want to see people have sex?

 

Frank: No. I`m saying because you`re poor you`re probably desperate, now stop pretending to be respectable and start getting some porn stars.

 

John: Well, I like the Bible porn thing. Alright we`ll start auditioning for actors. I`ll make some fliers you put them up at school, it`d be awesome to get some high school a*s into this.

 

Frank: If we were`nt related I`d probably have to kick your a*s.

 

John: My mom wrote that on a birth day card of mine.

 

       Back at school Frank is putting up fliers around school. Students and teachers take notice of it and have different opinions on the subject.

 

Principle Bush: Frank! What is the meaning of these fliers?

 

Frank: Sir, me and my dad are low on cash, and my friend suggested that we make a porno. Don`t worry there`s no Jews.

 

Principle Bush: Are you suggesting that I hate Jews?

 

Frank: You led an entire campaign against them.

 

Principle Bush: We settled! If you`re going to make this porn I won`t have it in my school!

                As Bush walked away one of the teachers (Ms. Tea Bag) walked up to Frank with a flier. She was a tall red head who had a thing for highschoolers.

 

Ms. Tea Bag: Frank, I just found one of your fliers.

 

Frank: I know Ms. Tea Bag, they`re coming down.

 

Ms. Tea Bag: You don`t understand. I want to join. My clint has`nt been on TV since the 70`s and I miss the feeling of being a s**t.

 

Frank: I thought by the way you dressed that you had that feeling every day. Any way if want in come by my house at eight.

 

Ms. Tea Bag: I will be there.

 

            Back at Franks house John is auditioning people for the part of Jesus. 30 people lined up all dressed in bath robes and all are bearded.

 

John: Next!

 

Auditionare: What was wrong with it?!

    He said demandingly

John: I don`t think you we`re really passionate about it. You did`nt show me you really wanted in there. You gotta really dig in there if you want to be convincing. Next!

 

                The next person entered in. His audition was the best of the day, it was God - like.

 

John: The way you moved made me want to cry, it was so beautiful. I think you got the part of Jesus Christ.

 

Jesus: Oh, thanks so much. I`m new to this town and to this business, I had no clue I was such a natural.

 

John: It was perfect!

 

               At that moment Frank walked in the door with Ms. Tea Bag.

 

Frank: I got the peasent harlot.

 

John: I got Jesus. When can we start filming?

 

Frank: As soon as every bodys ready.

 

           Frank introduced Jesus to Tea Bag and they shook hands.

 

Jesus: Very nice to meet you.

 

Ms. Tea Bag: The feeling is mutual.

 

John: Alright! when can we start sinning?

 

Jesus: I suppose if every one is ready we can start now.

 

           Every one agreed they were ready. The film started naturally, but as the scene got more intense, John and Frank noticed something odd about Jesus.

 

John: Your dick is glowing!!

 

Jesus: I can explain.

 

Ms, Tea Bag: You better! I don`t want no STD.

 

Frank: Stop acting like you`re clean!

 

Jesus: I am the second coming of Christ

 

    Everyone looked at him in shock. They all questioned him and he explained.

 

Jesus: I ran away from heaven because my dad tried to kill me again. He`s mad because I destroyed Japan.

 

John: So since you`re Jesus, are`nt you suppose to help people and stuff?

 

Jesus: Well I prefer to cause natural disasters and destroy small islands, but yea I can.

 

John: If you`d be willing to do a few miracles here and there for a few bucks, I`d be willing to hide you here from God.

 

Frank: I think that`s a good idea. We can help people and get us out of debt at the same time.

 

John: It`s like being a cop except we don`t have to cover up our murders.

 

Jesus: Okay, it`s a deal.

 

           The scene cuts to Jesus and a man in a dark room.

 

Man: I`m so nervous. This is my first time.

 

Jesus: Shhh. Just calm down and let me handle this.

 

           Jesus then waved his hand over the man.

 

Man: Oh, I can see again!

 

Jesus: That`ll be a hundred bucks.

 

Man: You magicians are all the same.

 

          Jesus whored his powers so much that he was able to get Frank and John completely out of debt and make them a small fortune.

 

John: Yo Jesus! Where`s my money?

 

Jesus: I swear I`ll get it to you, I just needed to get some groceries.

 

John: B***h, if you be making any money I want it in my hand. You do that and I`ll feed you!

 

Jesus: Yes pimp daddy.

 

John: You know what, I think you`ve over stayed your welcome.

 

Jesus: No! I can`t go back home! My dad will ground me.

 

John: No! Get out of my house. Now!

 

         Jesus left but was arrested for DUI and baled out by Satan.

 

Satan: I told you you would`nt last

 

Jesus: I know. I just want to go home.

 

Satan: I think we can now.

 

        Then Jesus and Satan looked at each other and exclaimed " Super twin powers activate!"  Then they flew off into the sun set.

 

Back at Franks house.

 

Frank: So you kicked him out because he spent money on groceries.

 

John: Had to be done.

 

Frank: You`re an idiot.

 

John: Tea Bag thought I was cool.

 

Frank: Jesus Christ!

 

 

Written by: Matt Heston, and Chris Hill

Reviews

[Eli Blayze]

Too funny.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A great writing partnership you have going there, great as ever, full of wicked and offbeat humour!!!

[PyroKitty24]

How funny~ I think you should put the actions in italics or bold though. It would make it easier to read.