Frankly Frank (Drugs are better than hugs)

The scene opens with John watching TV.

 

TV: We now return you to " Paris Hilton Personalities Implants" brought to you by MTV.

 

Frank: Why are we watching this s**t?

 

John: Hey, this is quality TV right here. It talks about major political issues going on in our world today.

 

Frank: It`s Paris Hilton half naked and bloody. If I wanted to see that I`d visit her once a month.

 

John: Shh! It`s about to show the after picture.

 

TV: I think we managed it quite nicely. It was hard to work around her dick, but I think she looks great. I think our best work is around her testicles, look at it, it`s virtually hairless. Oh, come on Gillette couldn't cut that close!

 

Frank: I`m going to my room.

 

John: What are you going to do in their?

 

Frank: Probably pop some Vicadin, pass out and for a little while forget that I live with someone who`s dumb enough to jerk it with Germ Ex.

 

John: Hey! It was dirty and I was horny. I was just killing to birds with one stroke.

 

   John gets up and follows Frank to his room. In his room it is very dark only lit by a few candles. He sees Satanist symbols and for some reason some pink panties on the floor.

 

John: Yours?

 

Frank: Yea. I use them to clean up after myself after I pass out on vicadin and have a wet dream.

 

John: I don`t think I approve of you worshiping Satan while having a boner.

 

Frank: Dad, it`s not that I want to, it`s that all the cool kids are worshiping Satan.

 

John: Even still. I`m going to take you to a professional.

 

               The scene ends. The next scene opens with John and Frank in a church listening to a preacher.

 

Preacher: And the Romans found Jesus and He kissed Judas on the cheek like a fagot. As Jesus was put to trial and after Ponchos Pilate asked if He was God Jesus didn`t answer so the soldiers punched Him and Jesus said " If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine" And then, well, they kicked His a*s and nothing happened.

 

              John and Frank walked up to the preacher after the service.

 

John: Great sermon pastor. I especially liked the part where the unicorns didn`t invite Jesus to the party and Jesus took some acid and went into the wilderness and saw Satan.

 

Preacher: Yes, that is my favorite fairy tale.

 

John: Amen. I found some Satanist stuff in my sons room and was wondering if you had any ideas on what to do?

 

Preacher: Are you serious? Worshiping Satan is all the rage right now. Just let him do whatever. Jesus won`t care.

 

Frank: See? I told you!

 

John: I`m not a doctor, but if I had to make a diagnosis I`d say that you were depressed.

 

Frank: You would be too if you had to put up with your s**t.

 

John: Yea, but I`m lucky so I want you to have a session with Counselor Phil.

 

Frank: But that guy isn`t even a real counselor. He just pretends to listen to you and then says " What were you thinking" right after.

 

John: Shut the hell up.

 

               The next scene opens with Phil and Frank in an office. Phil puts down his " How to fake being a doctor" magazine and looks at Frank.

 

Phil: So, I hear that you`ve been depressed lately.

 

Frank: You know, we could just pretend that we had a session and go get some lunch or something.

 

Phil: Tempting, but this is more fun. Now It seems to me that your depression is quite severe, I am going to prescribe you some medical marijuana.

 

Frank: What? You don`t have the authority to prescribe anything. Besides, that`s not a good diagnosis. You just said that because you`re lazy.

 

Phil: Okay, if you want a proper prescription stand up.

 

Frank: What?

 

Phil: You heard me. Get your fat a*s up off that chair.

 

 Frank gets up off the chair reluctantly and with a confused look on his face.

Phil looks at him. Tells him to open his mouth and has him sit back down.

 

Phil: It appears to me that you need some weed.

 

Frank: Well, alright. You`re the doctor.

 

       Frank lit up a bowl of weed and crashed on his couch with Skylar.

 

 

Skylar: You know, that Phil is`nt such a bad doctor after all.

 

Frank: I did`nt believe him at first, but he was right, I needed some weed.

 

Skylar: You know what would make it even better? Some beer.

 

Frank: Well. I am starting to feel sad again. Alright pass it over.

 

         Next scene opens with John sitting at a bar talking to a red headed girl.

 

John: Has anyone ever told you that you have nice breast?

 

Redhead: Only my father.

 

John: Well that guy was spot on. Hey, while I`m thinking about it do you want to go have sex.

 

Redhead: Only if you get me drunk first.

 

John: But I`m out of money. Can I borrow ten bucks.

 

Redhead: You sound just like my father! I`m leaving to go have sex with distant cousins that will get me drunk and bang me German style.

 

            John drove home to see the door standing wide open. He walked in looked around and found a not on the counter that said " Dad, you were right. I`ve been sad, so I`m running away, By the way I stole your truck" John looked down the block to see his truck crashed into a tree with fire coming out and Frank and Skylar laughing in the car.

 

               Next scene opens with John talking to Frank in the living room.

 

John: I told you! I f*cking told you!

 

Frank: Yes the weed helped. Are you happy? God damn!

 

John: I remember my first time smoking weed.

 

Frank: Alright if were done here I`m going to go smoke a bowl.

 

        The next day Frank and Skylar ditched school to go smoke weed and drink beer. After they`re high they walk around town and find a cat.

 

Skylar: Oh my God dude, it`s a cat!

 

Frank: So what?

 

Skylar: Dude we can steal that cat and get it high!

 

Frank: That`s a great idea dude!

 

      Frank and Skylar brought the cat back to their weed house which was covered with beer bottles and lighters. They started smoking and blew smoke in the cats face until his eyes were red.

 

Frank: Dude let`s name him Mr. Red eyes. We can leave him here and come back every day and feed him and give him water and s**t dude.

 

Skylar: Hell yea dude! Oh my Go d.

 

                  Back at Franks house John had an angry look on his face.

 

John: So, I heard you were`nt at school today. You want to explain?

 

Frank: I was dealing with my depression.

 

John: Ok, that`s enough of that s**t! You think you can just disobey the law because I`m easy? Well you can`t. Give me your weed.

 

Frank: Ok fine here!

 

         Frank gives him the rest of the bag and walks away. Frank opens his phone and speed dials Phil.

 

Frank: Hey phil, what`s up?

 

Phil: Cut the small talk. I know what you need. I`ll have it ready at school tomorrow.

 

Frank: Oh God you`re a life saver Phil.

 

  Phil hung up and scene ends.

 

            Next scene opens with Frank standing in Phils office

 

Frank: You got the s**t?

 

Phil: It turns out that I`m temporarily out of stock on weed. I do, on the other hand have some crack.

 

Frank: Is it as good?

 

Phil: You haven't even experienced drugs yet.

 

Frank: Ok, I`ll take it.

 

         Phil hands him a bag of crack and Frank goes into the bathroom and smokes it.

 

Frank: Wow! I can see music.

 

Mrs. Teabag: That`s because you`re in music class you idiot.

 

Frank: Who invited the b***h to my mansion?

 

             Every one gives Frank a weird look until class is over.

 

              Back at home Frank smokes some more crack until he runs out.

 

Frank: Oh my God, I`m out.

 

          At this point John walks into the room.

 

John: I just heard that your counselor has been arrested for selling drugs. Just thought that you`d want to know.

 

        John leaves the room.

 

Frank: Oh god, how am I supposed to get more crack? Oh, I feel sick.

 

         Frank passed out and woke up in a hospital bed.

 

Frank: Where am I?

 

Doctor: You`re in a detox room. You smoked some pretty deadly stuff in their.

 

Frank: Has any one ever told you that you have nice breast?

 

Doctor: Your father already tried that on me.

 

Frank: He`s here?

 

   John walks into the room.

 

John: I told you that you were depressed. Are you better now?

 

Frank: I think so. But I feel like I`m forgetting something. Oh s**t!

 

     Scene cuts to a dead cat ( Mr. Red eyes) in the pot house.

 

 Written by: Matt Heston and Chris Hill

Reviews

[Eli Blayze]

This would make one damned funny stage show!

[Pretty Faces Split Open]

Haha. Funny Satire. (at least i'm guessing this is satire, if not, I feel really bad for Mr. Red Eyes)

[PyroKitty24]

Poor kitty~ How interesting. I think I would have rather seen this as a story though

[Kho-San]

Haha, poor Mr. Red eyes.
I quite like the comedy in this, I just hope no youngsters young 'uns read this....yeah
The writing is good, it sounds like something I would want to watch (as long as they don't actually have a nude Paris Hilton...that's quite disgusting.)
There WERE some thing I didn't like, but the things I did like far out-weighed them.

[Bett]

I have no idea how I ended up here reading this but I couldn't stop.
Very amusing, Great ending.

If you are fussed on spelling just add an 'e' on 'not'.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Awesome, love the dialogue, always has humour and thus pleasure to read!!