The Meaning of Life

Its just a collection of my jokes.

I dated a girl named Peace and her parnts caught us f*****g and all I could think of to say was I cum in Peace. She got pregnant and my friends kept asking me if I wanted a boy or a girl and I really dont care as long as its mashed and in a bowl. Thats an abortion joke. I really dont hate babies some times I stay up at night thinking what to name my kid like if its a boy Ill name him Timmy if its a girl Ill name her Shelly and if its a black kid Ill name him not my problem.

 But my parents told me to practise safe sex so I brought a gun and I felt alot safer.

 

Christmas is alot like butt sex cause its better to give then to recieve.

 

No one believes that I like to read but my favorite fiction novel is the Bible. The only reason that the bible is full of murder and incest is because when Stephen King wrote the Bible he was on shrooms. Somtimes I wish God had a face book so I can see what Hes really up to, "Working on world hungry..... JK" What? Gods not working on world hunger Hes to busy killing his son. Im sure the only reason God killed Jesus is because Jesus was whiny and annoying as a kid. Gods trying to work and then Jesus comes in, " Dad?" "No Jesus" " But..." " No Jesus dont ask again" " Daddy?" "Shut up" " But..." " Shut up Jesus"   " Dad" " I WILL NAIL YOU TO A CROSS IF YOU DONT SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, Jesus Christ..."

 

My parents always said thing that didnt make sence like " You cant have cake I bought muffins" or " Stop fingering the dog" But they always said I could be whatever I want and I knew it was true because, Dr Phill still had us believe that hes an actual psychiatrist. I guess all You need to be a doctor these days is your own TV show. At least hes not Oprah. Oprah gives out the most random s**t shell be like " Everyone gets a school" I dont need a school. I wish once shed give out a free bottle of lube and some handis after the show, Id complain about that gift but I have practise pretending to be gratefull because of every Christmas.

 

Have you noticed every Italian has a cousin Tony that can " Help you out with somthing"? "Oh I need a pocket sized d***o shaped like a question mark." " Oh my cousin Tony just got a box full"

 

I brought a group of retards to a church and everyone threw holy water on them and the retards were like            

" AAWWWWWWW" Cause retards are illergic to holy water. They are it says so in the Bible that or it was a weird dream either way it was hard to believe.

 

I watched an episode of Full House and was gay for ten minutes after.

 

I got a monster energy drink once and I only had a ten on me so I had to get change but the cashier didnt give me enough tried to be sly and steal my money. So I stabbed her in the heart, but nobody cared cause she was a jew.

And no Im not a racist because once I saw a black guy working at Wal - Mart and I tried to set him free and he just got mad at me.

 

Did you hear about the Care Bear that got taken off the market? He got taken off the market because he loved the kids a bit to much, his name was pedo bear and he had the words respect and discipline on his chest.

Reviews

[Blood.Red.Nobodies]

I don't get any of this but I really want to meet you in real life xD you're a f*****g comedic genius, my friend xD keep writing this s**t lmfaoo xD

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