My Heart Can't Move On

Man.. That's all I can Say

My heart keeps going back to the one I’ve always loved,

There’s days where I’m depressed,

Can’t get you out of my mind,

My heart longs for the day,

That you would put your hand in mine,

That we would walk side by side,

Down the sandy sea line,

I would hold you close through storms,

Tell you how my days go,

There’s only one problem with my picture,

Is that you are already someone else’s girl

Author's Note

This is the same girl I've started writing poems my mind can't wonder from her. she is just one of the nice's girls i know even though she can be a little mean. right now for 5 months she had the same boyfriend and idk. and i've told her today that i still like her. she said AWWLS and then went offline so idk what she thinks. i'm not someone to tear someone apart. just to let everyone know. (: but shes one my mind most of the day now

Reviews

[RedInk524]

Love.. The fires of love and hate are the same. Too bad they burn you the same. Be patient buddy, your answers will come eventually. Hell, that would depress me too if i were in your situation. But the best thing to do other than speaking up is waiting. You already told her, now you must wait.

[freelancejouster]

second line: were should be where
i really like the way that this is constructed and i think that this is the most well written poem i've seen from you so far.

[Lindsey]

Love is complicated and harsh to most people but it always comes through if it's true. I think this is a great writing.

[Lively]

Niceeeeeeeeeeee

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

It's rough. And I'm talking both the situation and the poem. It skips around abruptly, from walking on the beach to cuddling during a storm to reality. Everyone has their own style, and yours is very literal and raw, which has some charm, but if you want to create a poem that will fill your readers with memorable images that truly inspire emotion, then it needs some polishing. I'm sorry if that sounded mean, but the point of this site is to receive feedback to help improve your writing, not to commiserate. I don't think you need a comma at the end of every line, and some of your lines are quite cliche. "Can't get you out of my mind," for example. Instead of just stating that, you could try using some kind of figurative language or spicing up the vocabulary. If she has a distinctive feature, maybe her eyes or her voice or something, you could describe it here, so we know more about her, rather than just saying "you." Show us why she is so special to you.

[brenda]

wait she has a boyfriend 0.0 now i get you ! um nice pom if you wanted a review but i guess advice let things happen who knows maybe she will like you :)

[Coyote Poetry]

The memory can be a two-sided blade. Bring back good and bad times. You wrote a poem with a sad ending. In the end. All we have is good memories to insure the next time we are kinder and wiser with people who allowed us in. Thank you for a excellent poem.
Coyote