R.I.P

This is to my coz R.I.P, we will miss you. He committed suicide just on 3-4-2011

Death is what tares us apart,

When you don’t know where you are going after life,

It’s scary,

You never want to stray too far from the light,

Because you never know when your time will come,

So stay with the truth in life,

And your mind won’t be in the wrong place,

You will think of good and only good,

You will never have any thoughts,

I say to myself what I could have done to stop this,

I may never know,

All I have to worry about is that I keep family and friends close,

And to love on the lord,

Who gives us life

Author's Note

This is to my coz R.I.P, we will miss you.
He committed suicide just on 3-4-2011

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

this is so sobering. appreciative... ...i do like the ideas behind this. the meaning behind this. the truth and angst and pain behind this, slowly being revealed... it could just be presented a bit better... first line "tears" instead of "tares". if there was some kind of spacing, this might flow better. try grouping ideas. this could use some revision and organization. change words and phrases around because it's... well, it's a lumpy poem. and it's meant to be, i think, meant to stop people and make them work for the words.. but... there's a way to go about that. also, the word "lord" should be capitalized.

[Nicky Wilson]

This is really pure and true and you let your readers into your pain good job i really liked it :)

[.shalynn.009.]

"Death is what tares us apart," Should be "tears" which is interesting, because that can have double meanings.

"And to love on the lord," I'm not sure why you added the "on" after "love". I think you might have meant "Go on loving the lord" but with the placement of "on", it took me two readings to understand that and interrupted the poem.

Sobering. This sounded a lot like an epitaph, something you could have read at the funeral or even had engraved on the headstone. I'm sorry about your cousin. Death, especially suicide, is a difficult thing to deal with. As humans, we tend to blame ourselves, though in reality, it's just life. Bad things happen, and I hope your cousin has found peace, even if I wish he hadn't had to find it that way.

Poetry is a good outlet for emotions, and you've got another good one here. But I do agree with freelancer. You could break this up into stanzas, isolate lines and bring out the important ideas. If you did, it would really take this poem to the next level and do your cousin justice. As I always tell you, I think you could take most of your poems further. You have so many great lines in here, but by pushing them all together, they can tend to get lost.

As always, these are just suggestions and you should do what you feel is right with your writing. THanks for the RR.

[Madison A. Wright]

sorry for your loss...death does tear people apart, but it also brings people together unfortunately.

[Maureen Mwaniki]

This is not one of those poems you start taking apart for errors its the kind of thing that sobers you up.Hard as it is to deal with your loss i think its beautiful that you dont let it make you afraid to get attached instead you keep those you love closer

[MandaBear]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[(Loveless)]

I'm sorry for your lose handing losing someone to suicide can not be easy on you to carry such sorrow but its a beautiful sad poem. I hope that you can keep on writing let out all you feelings and emotion onto the empty pages sometimes it helps with the pain that you keep locked up inside.

[diannesam]

Death is a very scary thought, and losing someone close to you is a terrifying experience. You realize how precious your life is an how you affect others. So many people fear death, and some can't wait for it to happen. Your cousin will be in my prayers. You wrote a very lovely poem, thank you for sharing.

[Angela]

This speaks to a lot of people. Suicide involves more than just those who commit it. So sorry for your pain. Asking what you could have done differently is fruitless and brings only pain. Just love those around you as well as yourself and as you said, keep to the light.