Ever Before

I’ve never met this girl before; I’ve seen her but never talked to her. I wrote this for her, and come to find out she has a boy friend, ok that’s ok.

I have never met you before,

Ever since I laid my eyes on you,

I was slain,

Your beauty stands out,

Brighter than the stars in the night sky,

I want to get to know you,

My looks aren’t great,

Poetry is what finishes me,

A couple simple words is all it takes,

I love you……

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: Aww, how sweet. Love at first sight kind of thing. And being a distant admirer is always cute. I like the line "Poetry is what finishes me" It's just so poetic and pretty. I like the flow of this poem and the emotion in it. I can imagine you reading this with eyes downcast and a quiet voice, muttering the last line. Don't be afraid to approach her! Even if she has a boyfriend, I'm sure she'd be flattered.

Cons: None

Overall: A cute poem, and the first of my many read requests! What a great way to start them off :)

[.shalynn.009.]

"I was slain," My favorite line in the poem. So much to it, the fact that it's the third line, has three words in it (three symbolizes doom in literature), the simplicity of it. It sums up the entire back story behind the poem, the fact that the speaker loves this girl, but is kept from being with her by circumstances outside of his control. She has all the power over him, and without realizing it is figuratively killing him.

"My looks aren’t great," Not crazy about this line. It doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem. It's a little too...colloquial I guess is the word. Not as formal or well-phrased as the rest of this piece.

Ironic that three symbolizes doom, isn't it, and the ending phrase is three words. This fits with the context of the poem, that this, one of the most important of all phrases, is made up of the number of words that symbolizes deatruction. There is one discretion, however: in the line before the ending one, it says "a couple simple words" when in fact "I love you" is more than a couple of words. I know, nitpicky, but I notice things like that. You could say "A few simple words" and it would work, but it isn't really necessary to change it.

Sweet and lovely poem, one of my favorties of yours.

[E.H. Monroe]

Putting it out on front street is tough.
short and sweet

[Angela]

What are looks when you have the magic of words?

[freelancejouster]

there are a few incredibly powerful lines in here, like "i was slain" and "a couple simple words are all it takes", which i was impressed by. make sure you watch tenses of words and that your lines flow well.

[(Loveless)]

wow its so sweet simple but it captures u the words u used were so poetic but dazzling i liked it keep up the gud writing im lovin this X3 may become a fan here haha

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. Sometime words can break down many doors. I like the emotion and the desire of this poem. When the words are true. We can be surprised by life. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Lindsey]

this is so sweet.

[howlfjdks]

There is nothing more beautiful than loving someone you do not know but for only a short while. Love can happen in an instant then it can be gone without notice. I enjoy your poetry thank-you for sharing.

[Matthew Ryan Hardy]

I love it when people i don't even know support me when all my friends are lol at me because my looks arn't good, they think that i should go date someone that is totally mean and does not care about anyone but them selfs. but i try for the hard to get

[HoorayForUnderdog]

You do realize that poetry trumps good looks any day, right? It is true. Always keep that in mind.

So she already has a boyfriend? Talk to her anyway -- be her friend -- show her your poetry -- hey, it's a free country and you may need her editing advice -- then see what happens. Oh, and if her boyfriend is huge like Bigfoot, I suggest you run...run away very fast, mostly.

a couple editing notes for you:
typo in line 4 "You" should be "Your"
typo in line 5 "then" should be "than"