The Machine

A Story by MattGriffPen

A private therapist is asked to help a Scientist in a secret laboratory in the middle of the UK countryside, but what the scientist wants may be too much to ask for.

THE MACHINE

A Short Novel

My mind awakens, quickly followed by the opening of my eyes. I look up at the same ceiling I see every morning; I roll over to my beautiful girlfriend who I see every morning. Her face is long, and her eyes wide, even as she is sleeping. Silky brown hair trickles over half of her delicate face. It’s a half an hour before I need to be awake yet, but I don’t like starting the day by going back to sleep.

Fresh coffee hits the bottom of my cup, the morning sun peers over the garden fence and under the predictable cloud for the day. Theodor, the Old English Bulldog, arrives at my feet and looks up at my face; the bringer of food. But really, I know I mean more to him than that. I lean down and scruff his wrinkly old face up a bit, I open the back door for him, and he goes out and does his business.

Upstairs, I can hear Chloe moving around; although we leave the house at the same time, she likes to sleep in a little later, unlike some other ladies in their late 30’s, Chloe doesn’t need hours in front of the mirror to look striking for the day. She walks downstairs and into the kitchen, wearing skimpy pajamas.

“There’s coffee in the pot” I smile at her.

“Thanks.”

Chloe wasn’t exactly a morning person, she said just enough to communicate with others to meet the status quo, but the full extent of conversation wouldn’t start until about 8.30, which is convenient as she is the daytime host of a local radio station. Myself, I work as a private therapist; most of my work involves teenage grunts that believe they know everything about the world, and that they are the center of everything inside of it. I see the occasional middle-aged patient who is normally having some kind of mid life crisis and just needs a new car or a divorce. And then there are the people who genuinely need my help for whatever reason; abuse, mental illness, fill in the blank. Therapy.

“Come on Ted, in you come!”

Theodor comes running back into the house, the briefly exposed sun now vanishing up into the never-ending grey of Great British sky. It’s time for me to go to work now.

I kiss Chloe who is sitting at the table, she smiles at me.

“Goodbye, I love you”

She tells me that she loves me too, and I leave.

It takes a little under thirty minutes to drive to work, so I listen to some of my favorite songs; Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Sookie Sookie by Steppenwolf, Honkey Tonk Woman; The Stones.

I pull up to my usual parking spot, grab my briefcase and walk toward my office.

“Morning Jeanie” I say to my receptionist.

“Good Morning Mr. Clark, your first appointment is at 8.30 today”

“Sounds good, and that’s Daniel?”

“That’s right Mr. Clark”

I walk into my therapy room. It’s a medium sized room with light colors, we’re on the second floor, so people can’t see in the large window that looks over the Cornish coast. In the middle of the room are two matching arm chairs facing each other, one is mine, beside which is an end table for my notes, and between the two chairs is a small coffee table, a place to put a drink for the patient, but also to put something in between myself and them, to give a little sense of security.

I have just over ten minutes until my first patient arrives; I put the kettle on, ready the room and my notes, and prepare myself.

There’s a knock at the door, I walk over and open it.

“Hello, Daniel?” I ask.

“Yes, hello”

“My name is Harvey. Come on in, take a seat.”

A young man walks into my therapy room, he’s slender, good looking, wears formal clothing and a bushy brown beard, I know he’s here because he has anxiety and depression, but I know nothing else about this man. I ask him.

“So, what brings us together today, Daniel? Shall I call you Dan or Daniel?”

“You can call me Dan, I don’t mind. Well, I’ve been having these depressive episodes you see, and.. Ugh, I find it quite hard to talk about really, it’s all kind of nonsensical and not really worth talking about, I mean it’s all facts but, it just really brings me down..”

“Okay, so what is it you’re talking about that brings you down?”

“Same as usual; mortality, and the scale of the human universe”

“I see, I know what you’re talking about, it’s a depressing thought, you’re talking about the vast space, the importance of life, it can become quite overwhelming if you spend too much time thinking about it, can’t it?”

“Yes it can, I just can’t stop thinking about it, it’s like a seed that’s been planted in my brain.”

“Okay, well, talk to me about it, what’s your take on the whole thing?”

“Well, I look at it like this; you’re born, you learn, you live, you work, you die. The basic fundamentals of our existence, right? Anything else in between is really just optional. But what’s the point? Say you live for a hundred years; say you live for one hundred years and make a global impact, really leave your mark on the world, what difference does it make to the rest of the universe? How does one satisfy the need to be important to the entire cosmos with a mere 100 years to live, and that’s if you’re lucky enough to live that long! All that time sleeping, eating, resting, thinking, learning.. How is there any time to reach such accomplishments, especially when we’re born into a self obsessed digital world that has neglected to travel beyond our own moon?”

“Well, those are some very good points, Dan, and some very good points that remain unanswered today. But listen here; what you’re talking about is a problem of scale and reality. As a human being, it’s impossible to make a defining, important change to the cosmos. It’s impossible! But, what we have is our own consciousness, the very one thing we are left with when stripped of all 5 senses and a body, we have our own minds to deal with. Now, fortunately, although we all have minds, they are not all the same, in the same way my body can and can’t do some things that your body might or might not be able to do, our minds are exactly the same. We have the same components as each other; memory, logic, pattern recognition etcetera, but thankfully we are not one collective thought process, and this fact gives birth to our individual souls. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, I’m with you so far..”

“Whatever you might call your soul, whether it be a physical, spiritual or mental entity, what scale of importance should you be living by? You can answer that question if you like”

“Well.. I don’t know.. It’s not like there is some universal standard of importance, because the universe is so friggin’ huge! I guess if you’re talking about importance and success on Earth, we’d be talking about fame, money, a big fancy house..”

“Yes, by definition you would be successful. But what does that mean? To the caveman? A big house, fame and money would be not be important, would it?”

“No..” Dan picks up his cup of coffee “But we’re a long way from cavemen now aren’t we..”

“Yes, but my point is, perhaps you are setting your accomplishments too high, maybe ‘too high’ is the wrong word, perhaps, your accomplishments are without priority?”

I can see this information sinking into Dan’s head now. But the gears start grinding against each other again and he quickly comes back at me;

“Do we know too much now? Maybe we know too much, without the knowledge of an ever expanding universe, without the knowledge of how insignificant our planet and species is, perhaps I would not have as much difficulty loving the consciousness I was randomly plummeted into and stuck with for the limited amount of time on this fucked up floating dirt sphere in the middle of absolutely, literally f*****g nowhere.”

Dan slams his coffee on the table, stands up and walks over to the window.

“Daniel, it’s far too easy to see the negative aspect of this life, far too easy to fall down that never ending spiral of thought. You’re an intelligent young man, you can’t let this thought drag you down.”

“So what else is there?”

“There is time.

We have the past, which we love to dwell on, bring up mistakes so we don’t do them again, bring up the good times so that we can do them again. The present, which i am experiencing right now as i am talking to you, and you are experiencing right now as you are listening to me, and the future; post-modern, which does not exist, only in our minds. Looking to the future can be a productive tool when dealing with depression, think about good things that are going to happen in the future, what you can do tomorrow to make you feel better, what you can do in the long run; goals.

However,” I lower my voice a little “it can also be easy to get caught up in the future. Here you are worrying about the importance of human existence and the scale of it all, our limited time on planet Earth and frantically trying to organize a future so you can live in your big house with lots of fame and money, and you’re passing all of these other human consciousness’ without even realizing they too are capable of these thoughts, and probably have, or even are thinking them right now.”

Dan, continuing to stare out the window, took a big sigh, turns around, and looks at me with understanding.

“Dan, I say this to you. Depression is a factor of some people’s lives, some of us live with it, some of us live without it, but whatever your problem is, whatever your problem is, just remember that on some scale you are important too, whether it be to the cosmos, the planet, your friends, or your own self awareness, we are all experiencing life through different minds, maybe it has a bigger purpose, maybe it doesn’t at all, just remember that one day it will change permanently, and you will no longer be able to use your mind anymore, but that time does not exist yet, because it is in the future. Do you understand?”

We talked for another thirty minutes about Dan’s life, where these thoughts came from, and coping mechanisms before his session ended, and we agreed to meet again in a week. I could tell he felt happier when he left than when he first came in.

III

That evening, Chloe, Theodor and I sat out on the patio of our house. We ate dinner together outside, I poured a large glass of wine for us both, and as the light died we lit the fire pit and continued to sit outside, wrapped in blankets and each other, Ted sitting at our feet.

“How’s work?” She asks me

“It’s okay, steady stream of patients at the moment, which is good for me I suppose! How’s your work?”

“It’s really good, they’re shipping me off to London in a couple of weeks to host the Marathon, it’ll be great exposure for me, and it’s the first time I will have presented outside of the studio”

“Fantastic, that’ll be a lot of fun, are they putting you up in a fancy hotel?”

“Only in the Park Plaza on Westminster Bridge”

“Ooh, fancy!”

“I know! It’s a shame you can’t come with me”

“It is, but someone has to take care of this idiot” I scratch the top of Ted’s head, Chloe giggles and puts her hand on mine, she looks at me and smiles, and takes a loving sigh.

“Well hopefully the weather will be nicer up country for you than it is here, I don’t remember the last time we had a clear, sunny day”

“No, I know, but what else would we complain about otherwise?”

We talk for hours, as usual, Theodor falls asleep on the floor and we decide to call it a night, and head in for bed.

My mind awakens, quickly followed by the opening of my eyes. I look up at the same ceiling I see every morning; I roll over to my beautiful girlfriend who I see every morning. I smile at her.

“Good morning” I say.

“Morning handsome” She smiles back at me.

“Want to do something this weekend? We could get away, we could even drive somewhere tonight and stay somewhere else for 2 days, take Teddy with us?”

“That’s a great idea, it’s been so long since we went and did something, just us”

“Okay, well let’s have a think about it today, send me a text if you think of anything, and I’ll do the same”

“Yep, it’s a date!”

I smile and kiss her. I get changed, let Theodor out, drink my coffee, let Theodor in and make my way to work.

There is usually very little traffic in this town at 7am, which is why I quickly notice the white car following me for several miles now. Of course, in my mind, I do a quick calculation; the simplest explanation is that this person is going to a similar destination to me, perhaps Jeanie, the receptionist, has a new car, though it is quite fancy for a receptionists wage. Worst case is that I provided therapy for this person, their son or daughter, and now they are after me for some reason. This last thought makes me panic slightly as I feel a small surge of adrenaline enter my body.

The car follows me all the way to work. I park my car in my usual spot, and the white car parks directly behind me, blocking any escape I may attempt. I watch in the rear view mirror for something to happen, waiting for someone to exit the car first. I still have no idea what this is about, I scan my brain for something that I have done wrong, someone I may have hurt or insulted, my practice is up to standard, my paperwork is all in order, I never, ever tell anyone about my patients. I decide that I can’t think of anything that I’ve done wrong that would cause an unmarked car to follow me to work and block me in my parking space, and so I decide to exit my car first and see what happens next.

As I step out of my vehicle, so does a man from the drivers seat from the white car, wearing a black suit and tie and dark sunglasses.

“Can I help you?” I ask the man.

“Harvey Clark?”

“Yes..”

“Please, come with me.”

Please come with me? Who the hell is this guy? Dressed like a secret agent from the ‘Men In Black’, he must have needed therapy if he thought for one second I was just going to get into this strangers car willy nilly.

“Why?”

“My name is Nick Golden, I work for an organization in Dartmoor who have summoned your help, that is all I can tell you”

Well, color me intrigued. Dartmoor, it doesn’t get more back a*s of the countryside, middle of nowhere than Dartmoor. What organization could possibly be based in Dartmoor? My mind immediately flicks to criminal organization.

“Don’t worry Harvey, I can promise you this is a legitimate organization and no harm will come of you, I just ask that you come with me so my employer can propose an opportunity to you.”

Well f**k, this is awfully weird and sketchy, what if this is the last time that I see the grey sky again; ‘the vanishing of Harvey Clark’. I check my mobile phone and pre-dial the number ‘999’.

I hesitantly start walking toward the passenger door of the white car.

“Okay, if you promise me my safety, then I will come”

What a daft thing to say, I tell myself.

“Harvey, I can promise you your safety”

We’re driving. The interior of the car is very well kept, it could even be brand new. I glance over at ‘so-called’ Nick, a handsome man, older than I, clean-shaven, sharp expensive looking clothes, still wearing the dark sunglasses.

“So, Dartmoor?” I start to inquire.

“We should arrive in a little under two hours”

“And, what is the name of this organization?”

“Harvey, I can’t tell you anything, you will just have to wait until we get there and all will be explained to you. I play a small role in this organization, the taxi driver, if you will” he looks over at me, taking his eyes off the road for a second. “You will be proposed an offer by my employer, I don’t know what the offer is, but if you decide to reject the offer, your life will continue as if we never met this morning, everything will be fine.”

“Okay, okay. I understand, this is just all very suspenseful for me right now, I have no idea what is going on!”

There was a slight pause.

“Nobody ever does”.

I couldn’t decide whether Nick was now talking about the situation I was in, or life in general.

We cruise all the way to Dartmoor. Nick is a very smooth driver, at one point I considered resting my eyes, but decided I should probably stay sharp in this unusual situation I’m in.

I can see the green ever-spanning Moors; Nick pulls off the motorway and stops the car.

“I need you to get in the back now, the windows are blacked out and there is a divider that will prevent you from seeing out of the front window, do you understand?”

I’m not happy about it, but I do understand. I tell him okay. We start driving along a road that is most certainly not smooth enough to be a motorway. A left turn here, a right turn there, I quickly lose the direction we came from. The thought of Nick stopping the car, opening the back door, lodging a bullet into my skull, packing me in black garbage bags and throwing me into the countryside still lingers in my brain, but why go to all this effort for me? He knows my name, where I live and work, there are easier ways to get rid of a person, but why would he want to get rid of me anyway? I’m just a nobody.

We drive for another thirty minutes in an array of directions before the bumpy back country road stops moving under the wheels.

Now I hear a rumbling sound; it’s deep, I can feel it in the seat, and in my chest, whatever it is, it’s big and heavy. I feel the car moving but no longer on bumpy country roads, now we’re driving on a smooth surface, not even tarmac, and we’re driving downhill.

Down and around we drive, still unable to see outside I couldn’t even tell you if we are still in Dartmoor. Eventually we are on flat ground again, and we have stopped moving. I hear Nick exit the front of the car, his fancy shoes tapping on the ground as he walks to the back door of the car, the classic ‘unlock’ sound from the door.

The door opens; Nick is holding the door open for me. As I gaze out, I quickly recognize that we are now inside a building, most probably underground considering all the downhill driving. The walls are shiny white to match the ceilings and the floor, which is covered in metal workbenches, it’s a big room and there are scientists in white lab coats walking around everywhere, with clipboards and electronic tablets in hand.

“You can get out now, Harvey” I hear Nick tell me.

I slowly make my way out of the car to be greeted by three new people; an older gentleman who stood in front of a younger male and female, who I assumed to be students. The older gentleman has small round glasses, a bald head, a thick grey and white goatee beard and a kind face. He looks at me and smiles.

“Harvey, great to meet you”

He reaches his hand out, making the gesture to shake mine; I gingerly reach out and grab his hand.

“I’m certain you must be bursting with of all sorts of questions by now, and fear not, these will all be answered in time.” He stopped shaking my hand.

“Here, let’s go to my office where it’s a little more private, shall we?”

“Okay..” I reply awkwardly.

I mean, if being driven to a secret underground science lab in the middle of the Moors wasn’t private enough, I’m not sure what his office has in store for me.

He leads me away from Nick, who watches me leave and nods in my direction. We walk towards a lift, which opens before us, the old scientist puts his arm out, signaling me to enter first, I do. He walks in behind me, and glass doors close behind him. He looks me in the eye and grins, and then turns his back, looking out the glass window over the laboratory floor. As we start to fall further, deeper into the science lab, he turns around to face me.

“We’ve been keeping an eye on you, Harvey, I think we could really use your help around here.”

The lift slows to a halt, the doors open, and the man exits the lift, and walks a short distance to his office door, which reads ‘DR. H. Lee’.

The man’s office was rather traditional: wooden desk, lush dark green carpet, certificates line the walls, all to do with computer science. He presents to me a chair that is in front of his desk, and proceeds to sit next to me in the other chair in front of his desk.

“Oh, forgive me, please, my name is Dr. Howard Lee sugar”

“Howard Lee Sugar?”

“Howard Lee” He stands, and walks over to the kettle on his side table “Tea? Sugar?”

“Oh, um, milk two sugars please.. But, when are you going to tell me what I’m doing here?”

“Ah, hah! Right to the point, precisely, I should have known, okay, forget the tea. Let’s talk opportunity shall we?”

He drops his attention from the tea, along with the cup of milk and sugar in his hand, and walks over to his office chair behind the desk, sits down and is looking at me with his excited smile.

“Harvey, I’m going to give you an opportunity only a select few are offered. After I explain to you this opportunity you will be given a reasonable amount of time to accept, or decline, and we will have to start looking for a new candidate, do you understand so far? HAH! I’m sorry, of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here would you!”

He chuckles to himself; I fail to fully understand the joke.

“We’ve been watching you work for some time now, and let me tell you, you do a remarkable job..”

“Counseling teenagers?”

“Come now, Mr. Modest. You don’t just council teenagers though, do you? You soothe troubled souls, and you’re good at it! You’re bloody brilliant at it!”

“What does that have to do with me being here?”

“Right, Right, well, we would like you to work for us”

“Counseling scientists?”

“No, no, no. The scientists here are happy, and if we needed a therapist here we would just train one in house. No, no, we.. I, need you for a much greater purpose. You’re perfect for what I need you for.

“Right.. And what exactly do you need me for?”

“Here..“

He stands from his chair, and walks toward his office door.

“Let me show you.”

VII

We leave Dr. Howard’s office; he leads the way down a series of narrow corridors, all as white and shiny as the first room I had met him in. The corridor eventually ends at a big grey door, almost twice the size of me, with slow flashing red lights above, the words ‘HIGH LEVEL SECURITY CLEARENCE REQUIRED’ are printed across the door. Dr. Howard places his hand in the center of the door, causing the door to scan his palm.

“Access granted, welcome, Doctor Howard Lee”

At this point, I expect smoke machines to start pumping smog through the door, and the ‘Jurassic Park’ theme to start playing in the background. I also try to imagine just what the hell is behind the doors.

The door parts in the middle and each side slides into the walls. I can immediately see a desk; on the desk is a computer with a chair. To the left of the desk is an identical chair facing towards us, in the chair is some sort of helmet with wires leading back to the computer. Then, behind the desk, as far as I can see are servers, super computers, leads and wires everywhere, machines upon machines upon machines, supposedly all connected to each other.

I stare at this unbelievably long room and all of the technology it holds, despite knowing absolutely nothing of what any of it does.

“Okay..”

“This,”

Dr. Howard presents to me

“This.. is The Machine. I invented it over fifty years ago now, and tell me, how often do you see it on the news?”

“I’ve.. I’ve never even heard about anything of..”

“Exactly, Harvey! Exactly! None of this is for fame, or for glory, power, money?! No! What we’re doing here has a far greater purpose.”

“What is it?”

“Good question. This, is the perfect world, Harvey, it is eternal life.”

He stood beside the desk and opened his arms to the techno-metropolis.

“Here, we have created a digital world, and in that world is an immortal population, thinking, learning, living. Only the brightest and most deserving humans live inside these machines.”

He raises his voice; you can hear the passion oozing out his vocal chords.

“Imagine, will you, a beautiful, infinite world, a living breathing world, just as real as this one, just as real as this conversation we’re having right now, but The Machine world is full of bright, intelligent souls. In The Machine, there is no suffering, there is no pain, there is no danger. You’ll have access to unlimited amounts of knowledge, unlimited amounts of time. Harvey, once you are in The Machine, you are forever a living mind and could learn anything and everything you ever wanted to learn.”

My heart is racing, I really want to believe what he’s telling me, and I really want to know where my role comes together with this ‘mad scientist’.

“The biggest flaw in the human race is the problem of death. Inside The Machine, that problem is solved, the minds inside The Machine do not have to spend time passing on new information to other minds. Imagine all that ironic time that is saved!”

I grin. That one, I did find quite amusing.

“So, where do I fit in to all of this?”

“Okay, here’s the problem. The Machine has been operating for over fifty years now. When you calculate the time spent in this world, and without the need for sleeping or eating in The Machine, for some, fifty years has been like living hundreds of years. The problem we are seeing is that, well, especially in the older minds, immortality has its drawbacks. No human has ever experienced a timeless life, and this concept is disturbing a select few of the souls. We need someone like you, we need you to live in The Machine, to be part of The Machine, part of the living system to help these people, to listen to them, to do exactly what you do in this world.”

“How many are there?”

“You’ll see”

He smiled manically at me; he was excited for me to see for myself.

I looked down the rows and rows of technology; I pace over to the desk looking at the computer screen.

“You’re killing me, how does this work, how can you prove any of this to me?”

“Aha! Harvey, I can show you, I can put you in The Machine right now, I can show you what it’s like, come, take a seat here.”

He points to the chair facing me, with the helmet attached to all the leads. I walk over and take a seat, excited, nervous. He sits in the chair next to me behind the computer screen and looks at me.

“Now, this won’t hurt at all, it’s all to do with your mind, I can take your mind into The Machine but you will still be connected to your body right here, you see, this is how we view and communicate with the people inside The Machine. Just relax; you won’t feel a thing, okay? Now listen, when we’re done inside, I will disconnect your mind from The Machine, and you will need to sleep for about fifteen to twenty hours. More than likely you won’t even remember anything after I disconnect you until you wake up at home in bed. Okay? So, this is the important part. If you decide, after you wake up, that you want to go ahead with this, we will need to disconnect your mind from your body when we upload you. Once you’ve made the transition, you will not be able to reconnect your mind to your body. Being able to live forever has the price of leaving this world. This is a decision you have to take very seriously, of course, and that is why we want you to spend some time in The Machine before you make any decisions. Now, when you wake up, you must not tell anyone about this, it’s very important that nobody else finds out about this place. Do you understand?”

He raises the helmet above my head.

“But, I have so many more questions!”

“We will talk again in a couple of days, Harvey, and all will be explained, okay?”

I swallow. “I Understand”.

And with that, my eyes close, quickly followed by my mind.

VIII

My mind awakens, quickly followed by the opening of my eyes. I look up at the same ceiling I see every morning; I roll over to my beautiful girlfriend who I see every morning, Chloe is not in bed with me. I sit up, remembering going to work yesterday.. Was it yesterday? What day was it yesterday? The drive to Dartmoor, Dr. Howard, The Machine.. I remember being inside The Machine. Oh my god, that world. The beauty, the people, the culture, the knowledge, I don’t have time for this, I have to find Chloe, I have to get out of bed.

I leap out of bed and throw on my old dressing gown, I run downstairs calling her name.

“Chloe!”

“Yes dear?”

She’s in the kitchen.. I run through the house, my dressing gown coming undone, leaving my front half totally naked.

“What f*****g day is it?!”

“It’s Sunday babe, what’s wrong? Are you feeling better?”

“Feeling better?”

“You slept all day yesterday, you must have had one of those 24 hour bugs or something”

“Right, yes, a bug, yes, I feel much better now, thank you.”

I look at the clock on the wall which is reading Ten o’clock, I now know that I have been asleep for nearly a day and a half since visiting Dartmoor, I didn’t know how much time I had until they would contact me again. I look to Chloe for some answers.

“Um.. So.. Everything okay? Has anyone been asking for me?”

“No Hon, nobody has been asking for you, it’s the weekend! You seem so stressed out right now, are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Yes, yes, I’m okay thanks, just woke up a bit too quick, startled myself”

I look down at Theodor, who is looking at my penis. I wrap the front half of myself up and start walking upstairs.

“I’ll put some clothes on then”

“Okay Harv, there’s coffee in the pot”

I arrive back in my bedroom, the blinds are closed, and it’s quiet in here. I close my eyes and imagine the world that I was in. I remember being in there for hours, meeting many people, listening to their philosophy, their knowledge, such smart people, such refined people, people who have had years and years to collect and learn knowledge without the worry of passing it on to other people, without the fear of death. I had a vague memory of meeting some of the troubled minds, how they talked about their existence, in the same troubled way that Daniel talked about his existence. How were these people equally and oppositely troubled? I couldn’t quite fit the pieces together; I had more questions now than I had before. I needed to talk to someone about this, despite being told to absolutely not talk to anyone about this, I had to talk to Richard; my best friend.

I take all the necessary precautions. I go to the charity shop and pick out an old suit, I call Richard and tell him to meet me at the King’s Head; the dingiest, most unpopular pub in Cornwall. I leave my mobile phone at home incase it’s already been bugged, I tell him to leave his too.

“Nice clothes..”

“Yeah, I had to make a quick change”

“You seem on edge, everything okay?”

“Well, Dick, you’re not going to believe this..”

I explain to him the whole story.

“You’re barking mad mate”

“Yeah, I know how it sounds mate, but I’m not joking, this is serious, I’m being more serious now than ever”

“No offence, Harv but, don’t you think you should see a therapist yourself?”

Rich stuffs a handful of crisps into his mouth.

“This isn’t a breakdown or anything like that, this is real, I’m not delusional, I know the difference between reality and fantasy, look there’s no other way of proving it, and if I say I’m not crazy you’ll just think I’m crazier! We’ve known each other for, what, 20 years almost?”

Rich shrugs “Sure”

“You’re going to have to trust me on this one, even if it’s just hypothetically”

“Okay, okay. Say, I believe you, hypothetically, for arguments sake let’s just say that everything you told me is fact. Well, let’s start with this Doctor Hoosits..”

“Howard”

“Right, Howard; sounds like a right wanker to start with. I mean, playing God like that, creating an immortal world and choosing who goes in and out..”

“Yes, but, it’s not a case of going in and out, once you’re in, you’re in, and I have been offered the choice to go in.”

“Whatever, he’s still playing God, he’s still in charge of the pearly gates”

“Well, that would actually make him St. Pe.. but none the less, should that change my decision?”

“Yes absolutely, you’re going to be working for this god complex a*****e if you accept this fantasy offer. And you know what mate, who wants to live for ever anyway?”

He takes a big swig of his beer and shakes his head.

“So, why was this Machine even invented in the first place?”

“Are you kidding? Eternal life? I would have the whole of eternity to study the human mind, I could be the greatest therapist to have ever lived”

“Yes, but you’re not really alive are you, and what happens when there is a power cut? What if the building collapses, what happens when there is a computer virus?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t make the damn Machine, I’ve told you everything that I know..”

I look down at my beer, which is still full, wondering what immortals eat and drink inside The Machine.

“Look pal, you seem really serious about this, which is why I’m humoring you. Don’t do anything drastic will you? Take some time off, go see another therapist. Thera-ception, ha ha! Get it?”

I got it, but I didn’t laugh.

We chatted some more, and then left the pub. I went home and changed into my old dressing gown. I was still exhausted from my time in The Machine, so I decided to take an early night.

My mind is asleep, but I have the most vivid flashback. I’m inside The Machine again, I’m walking around the beautiful landscapes the virtual world has to offer, it’s realer than real, too real, I question if I’m really dreaming or not, but I know I am. I’m able to float above the ground, and no matter how real this feels, I know that I cannot float in real life.

I remember my encounter with one of the minds inside the machine. He never tells me his name; he’s about the same age as me, though he looks somewhat homeless. I wonder why he appears this way, he could present himself inside The Machine with any form he could imagine. He’s a skinny man, too skinny, bald and missing a couple of teeth, wearing no shirt, baggy torn trousers, non-matching flip flops, and covered head to toe in dirt.

I ask him; “Why do you look like that?”

He mumbles, squinting at me “Who are you? What are you doing here? You’re not one of us..”

“No” I reply. “I’m a visitor from the mortal world” for some reason I point toward the sky.

“Ha.. Ha ha..” Grunting “Ha ha ha!! You mean the real world”

“Yes, from the place you came from before here”

“You’re going back?”

“Yes, I have to go back”

“You have to destroy this place”

“What, Why?”

He starts playing with his hands and edging closer toward me, his mumbling is getting louder and clearer now “You must destroy this world and everyone in it. You must destroy it all”

“But why? Why must I?”

“The mind was not supposed to live forever, humans are meant to die, we must die, all of this must die” by now he is shouting at me. “We don’t belong here, this is unnatural, I MUST DIE.”

His eyes burn red and begin to bleed. He bursts out in a fit of rage and jumps toward me, arms stretched out, nails, fingers, hands flying toward my face.

My mind awakens, this time my eyes are already open, and I’m already sitting up in bed, sweating buckets of ice.

“Jesus Christ, Harvey, are you okay? You were screaming..”

I catch my breath, the image of the man’s eyes still burning in my skull.

“Sorry babe, bad nightmares, it’s okay now.”

“Do you want a glass of water?”

“No, no, I’m okay, go back to sleep, Honey, I love you”

“I love you too”

I couldn’t go back to sleep again, my mind was racing, I couldn’t stop thinking about The Machine, the man who told me he wanted to die inside The Machine, the offer proposed by Dr. Howard, the preposterousness of it all. I pick up my phone and text Richard.

‘Don’t worry about that thing we talked about yesterday, I’m not going anywhere’

‘Glad to hear it buddy, there’s enough crazy in the world as it is!’

I look outside the window, the sky is greyer than grey today. I go downstairs and make a pot of coffee, and start reciting my rejection of Dr. Howards offer.

‘I’ve given your offer a lot of thought, Doctor, and, although I am extremely flattered that you approached me for this opportunity, I’m afraid I have to respectfully decline’

Something along those lines should do the trick; I’m hoping I can do this over the phone rather than traveling back to Dartmoor. I want this out of my life now as soon as possible; I don’t want to think about immortality, or The Machine anymore. I just want to go back to my life, with my dog and my beautiful girlfriend, who I will propose to, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, before all this nonsense started.

I am also very aware that I may be in too deep now, what if they try and kill me? I mean, they told me not to tell anyone, but I already know about The Machine in Dartmoor, I know about Nick Golden, Dr. Howard Lee, I’ve been inside The Machine.

It then occurs to me; what if all of this has been happening inside of my head? What if Richard was right, I just need some time off, and maybe a little therapy wouldn’t hurt?

I’m stressing myself out, I just need to carry on with my life, and when they contact me, I’ll tell them, thank you, but no thank you.

Ted goes out, coffee hits my cup, Ted comes in, I go to work. Brilliant.

XII

My phone rings at Eleven o’clock, it’s Richard. I don’t have a patient in right now, and so I answer the call.

“Hey mate, lunch?”

“Hah! Yeah very f*****g funny ‘Agent K’, come inside.”

“What are you talking about, Dick?”

“I’m talking about the ugly bloke with an a*s for a face stood outside my office dressed like something out of ‘The Matrix’! Hah!”

My heart hits my throat.

“Rich, that’s not me buddy, that’s them, I’m at work, you can call the landline, I’ll answer, how far away is he?”

“Funny”

“Rich I’m not kidding mate, that’s not me I swear”

“Yeah? Swear on Chloe and Teddy then!”

“Pal, I swear on Chloe and Theodor’s life, I’m at my office, I’m not at you’re office, and that guy outside is almost certainly part of those people we were talking about”

“Hmm. Okay, well he’s across the street, he’s just been staring at my office window for about 30 minutes now, I can’t really make out his face..”

“You know what, just get out of there, go out the back, go somewhere safe, maybe it’s not a good idea to go home?”

“Are you f*****g serious? Are these guys really that scary?”

“They told me not to tell anyone about what I told you, I don’t know how they found you, maybe they don’t know anything yet. F**k man, they’re probably listening to this f*****g conversation right now..”

“Harv, this isn’t ‘Enemy of The State’, just relax. Look, I’ll go home and lock the door, come by and check on me later if you like. And listen; if s**t really does hit the fan, you know how to get into my apartment right? Top bedside table, there’s my handgun and a box of ammunition. You remember, right?”

“Yes, Rich, I know about your stupid precious gun, just go home and watch your back, call me if anything happens.. Just call me when you get home?”

“Okay, okay, you’re freaking me out man, stop being so sketchy, it’s probably nothing.”

“You’re right, it probably is nothing, just call me, yes? Goodbye.”

I end the conversation, I’m sweating a little. I can’t think straight; I have another two patients to see this afternoon before I leave.

XIII

The hours tick by in slow motion, I do a terrible job at counseling my last patient.

It’s been 5 hours now, Richard hasn’t called, and he’s not answering his phone. What if they got to him? What if that was the last conversation I had with my best friend, I don’t even remember the last thing he said? I should go to his place and check on him.

I drive, well above the speed limit, frantically racing to his apartment. My tires screech as I skid into the driveway, the engine cuts out, the parking brake slams on and I exit the car all in one simultaneous motion.

“Richard! RICHARD!!”

The door is already ajar, but no Richard. There’s no sign of a struggle, nothing. I call his phone, no answer; I can’t hear it ringing in the apartment, where did he go? Is he safe? Did they get to him? The gun..

I go to the bedroom, and just as he said, top drawer, a handgun and a box of ammunition. Richard and I have shot this gun many times in the woods, I know how to work it, I load it and stuff it in my briefcase.

F**k, I need to call Chloe, make sure she’s okay, I can only imagine what I’d do if they hurt her, it makes me see red. I see Dr. Howard’s face and I’m punching it, with all my strength, teeth flying out, those stupid round glasses smashing into his eyes, and finally ramming his skull through the fragile computer screen.

Chloe answers her phone.

“Babe, where are you?”

“I’m at work, Harvey what’s up?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Harvey, I’m really busy what’s up?”

“Nothing, I.. I just wanted to hear your voice, I’ll see you when you get home tonight?”

“Yes, see you tonight”

My head clears. I reconsider bashing Dr. Howards face in. I feel a little embarrassed with myself. Maybe Richard is playing a stupid joke on me, and he’s just going to be pissed off when he realizes I took his handgun.

I make my way home, pour a glass of wine and relax with Ted. I wish Richard would call, I really hope that he’s alright. Chloe arrives home, at least now I know our family is safe. I just wish I knew my friend was safe.

XIV

My mind awakens, quickly followed by the opening of my eyes. I look up at the same ceiling I see every morning; I roll over to my beautiful girlfriend who I see every morning. Still safe. I roll over to the opposite side and check my phone, no new alerts.

I walk downstairs, put the coffee on and stare out the window. The sun doesn’t stand a chance today. I try and imagine where Richard might be, but realize this accomplishes nothing but worry, so I stop thinking about it. I consider calling the police and reporting him missing. I should wait until the end of the day, if he is still missing by the time I get home then I will absolutely call the police, that gives me all day to think about whether I should tell them the truth about my previous few days and risk being locked up in a padded cell.

I drive to work. This time, the white car starts following me long before I get to work, I pull over on the side of the road and get out of my vehicle.

As I walk over to the white car, I see Nick. He exits his car and looks at me.

“Hello, Nick”

“Hello, Harvey”

“Look, I’ve decided that I would like to decline Dr. Howards offer, it would be very convenient for you to tell him this for me, or perhaps I could call him rather than traveling all the way back to Dartmoor?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Clark, like I said before, I’m just the taxi driver, my job is to pick you up, and drop you off with Dr. Harvey.”

“I understand..” I also don’t want to start a fight with this man; quick calculations tell me that even if I had ever been in a fight, my physique would be no match for Nick, and perhaps I might solve the whereabouts of Richard.

I walk to the back of the car and help myself in, I know the routine already. Nick drives me to Dartmoor, the divider crawls up between us.

Along the bumpy roads, the angry rumbling sounds, down and around the smooth flooring, and the door unlocks. Nick walks to the back of the car and opens the door for me. This time I notice there is nobody else in the large laboratory room; just myself, Nick, and Dr. Howard, this time he is not smiling at me. I get out of the car and approach the Doctor.

“Doctor Howard, pleasure to see you again.”

He smiles with his mouth, but not the rest of his face.

“This way then.” He turns to walk away.

“Actually, I appreciate you driving me all the way out here again like this, but..”

“Just follow me, Harvey, we need to talk”

My heart skips, my forehead becomes hot, I have no idea what is about to happen again. I follow Dr. Harvey to the lift, past his office, down the corridors and to the door of The Machine room.

“Access granted, welcome, Doctor Howard Lee”

We walk into the room. This time, in the middle of the room are two matching arm chairs facing each other, beside one is an end table for notes, and between the two chairs is a small coffee table. Dr. Howard walks over to what should normally be my seat.

“Come on in, take a seat”

This is making me intensely uncomfortable. I walk over to the vacant armchair, sit down and look the Doctor in the eye.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Harvey, I have a confession to make. I haven’t been telling you the whole story yet, you weren’t ready to hear it before you entered The Machine.

Now, you may not initially agree with me on this one, not many do, but let me tell you; the end is nigh. Humans will be the result of their own demise, our species will tear each other apart, dog eat dog. Now, I’m not going to argue with this fact of nature, after all, it is exactly that; nature. The difference is, when a dog bites a dog, the other dog will bite back, but when a human bites a human, the other human learns how to split an atom, and destroys an entire civilization. Of course, that’s not fair for the people who don’t want to bite. But like I said, I’m not arguing the fact that humans will bite humans, and eventually kill every single last one of our own species, I’m trying to preserve the thing that makes us human; our consciousness. I’ve been selecting the right minds for years, uploading people into the machine, creating my own post apocalyptic population in a safe, stable environment. You wouldn’t have seen them, but there are hundreds of solar panels above us, waiting for the effects of global warming to end, for when there are no humans left on the planet and the skies begin to clear, The Machine will be able to power itself. I will continue to add minds to The Machine until I am satisfied with my population, I will upload myself, the underground laboratory will seal itself into an underground bunker, and we will live forever as a super intelligent, self-sustaining collection of consciousnesses. Do you see? The Machine will be our universe.

Yes, it will take time to get over the loss of your loved ones, and your attachment to this world but, the time it will take to get over that compared to the time of infinity, is obviously immeasurable.”

I stare at him. I don’t know what is more terrifying, sitting in the presence of a sociopath, or not being able to disagree with him. After all, he’s right, he has a damn good point. If the human race does come to an end, probably through our own hand, the most logical thing to do is save our minds somewhere where we don’t need food, or need to reproduce, somewhere where our minds can be free and safe forever. I’m really starting to understand what he’s saying now, as a matter of fact, he’s a genius, not only is he capable of creating what other scientists could only dream of, he’s managed to keep it a secret, and actually do something with it. He’s managed to make his mark in the universe.

I close my eyes. I picture Chloe, I picture the times we’ve spent together, laughter, love; happiness. I picture the future, getting down on one knee, her beautiful wedding dress, our child.

I think about Theodor and his wrinkly face, the way he looks up at me, and when I see the look in his eyes, it makes me want to be the person my dog thinks I am. I think of the skin on my face sagging, my memory fading, my bones weakening, and the final breath I will take when it’s all over.

A tear falls from corner of my right eye, runs down my cheek, and rests on the corner of my mouth. I taste its salty complexity, and open my eyes.

“No. I can’t, Doctor.”

His face drops.

“I just can’t do it, it’s unnatural. I don’t want to live forever, we’re not supposed to live forever. I like my life here, my life here is real. I love my girlfriend, and I will make her my wife, we will grow old together. I love my dog, and I love knowing he is real. I have to stay here, I can’t join you in the after Earth, in The Machine, but I can tell you how much I appreciate you considering me, it’s an honor that will stay with me for the rest of my life, I can promise you that.”

Dr. Howard just stares at me. His face doesn’t change, but I’m sensing anger now.

“Mr. Clark, I don’t think you properly understand. I chose you, you don’t choose to go in or not, I picked you. I’m giving you the opportunity of a lifetime, on the contrary; I’m taking away the factor of time in your life, and you tell me no?”

“I’m sorry Dr. Howard, but my answer is no.”

His forehead crumples, his eyes are piercing me.

“So, what do you think you’re going to do now, just waltz back out of here? We already know you can’t be trusted with the information you have, that’s why we had to get rid of Richard.”

“Pardon?”

“You had been awake for what, fifteen minutes and you went and talked to one..” He looks over his notes “Richard Butler?”

“You killed him?”

“No, well, I gave the order, but I didn’t personally kill him, I haven’t left Dartmoor since, oh, umm.. 1945?”

This time, my heart drops to my belly. I’ve killed my best friend, and I can’t even remember the last thing he said to me. Sadness takes over my entire spectrum of emotions.

“You see,” continues the Doctor, “we can’t let you back out now, I mean first of all, I need you, I need you in my system, despite this ugly situation you just created here, I still want you in my system. And yes, secondly, I can’t risk you blowing the lid off of this place, too much hard work has gone in here, the wheels are already turning, I can’t have you ruin all this. Now, I hope that we can see eye to eye on this, you know, it would be a shame if something terrible were to happen to Chloe and that dog..” flicking back through his notes “Theodor, now, wouldn’t it?”

I feel rage, starting in my toes. Within milliseconds it rushes through every fiber of my body, through my stomach, my heart begins pounding, bursting through my head and into my eyes. I see red. Before I know what the limbs on my body are doing, the coffee table is flying sideways, my right arm is behind my back, reaching for the gun I tucked into my trousers earlier that morning, my left arm has Dr. Howard by the throat and we are quickly traveling towards the wall behind him. My right arm is around the front of my body now, at the end of my arm, in my hand is the gun, and at the end of the gun is Dr. Howard’s forehead, wedged firmly between the wall and the barrel.

“Ha.. Ha.. Ha ha HA HA HA HA!!”

Doctor Howard’s manic laugh reminds me of the man I met in the flashback; the man that wanted to die. I drag him by the throat and push his face into the computer screen.

“Shut it down! Shut it down, NOW!”

“Please, Harvey, why on earth would I do that?”

“Because if you don’t, I’ll blow your f*****g brains out!”

“And if you blow my brains out, then how will you shut it down? The Machine will continue and someone else will take my place. This isn’t very well calculated, Harvey, this isn’t like you now, is it?”

I pause for thought, he’s right; rage has clouded my judgment. This is not going in my favor at all. I re-prioritize my actions, f**k The Machine, that’s not my problem anymore; I just need to get out of here, alive.

I release Dr. Harvey’s neck from my grasp, point the gun at the back of his head and start backing my way towards the door.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you..” He glances up to the corner of the room; I follow his gaze, and notice a security camera. He props himself up against the desk.

“Harvey, it’s too late for any of this, you have to start accepting your fate now; let me upload you to The Machine and fulfill your purpose. There are dozens of armed men on their way, if you shoot me; they fill you full of holes. If you try and escape, they fill you full of holes. Even if you did manage to escape, I’ll find you. I’ll use Chl..”

“Don’t you f*****g say her name..” I c**k the gun. “Don’t you EVER say her name!”

“Harvey, what are you doing?”

I realize, I’m trapped. He has control of me, I’m either dead very soon and will never see Chloe again, or, I end up trapped inside The Machine for eternity, and never see Chloe again. I have nothing left to lose now.

I point the gun to my own head. I close my eyes. I see Chloe; and I quickly imagine the rest of her life without me. I pull the trigger.

‘Click’

I open my eyes. ‘Click click’.

“What the f**k?”

“Ahah ha ha! You don’t seriously think we would let you bring a loaded gun in here do you? Hah!”

“aaaaAAAARRGGGHHHH!!”

I let out a battle cry, I throw the gun at his face and charge towards him. I wrap my arm around his neck and begin to cut off the oxygen to his body. I hear him choking; he’s struggling and gargling against my forearm.

Behind me I hear the doors open. No words or shouting, just a piercing noise, and cold against my back. I feel blood trickling down my spine. Breathing feels difficult on my right side. I release Dr. Howard, he grabs his throat and falls to the floor, catching his breath. I fall to my knees, I can’t breathe properly. Blood is starting to pool around me, it’s coming from my mouth now. I look around the room I will die in. I look at The Machine. I’m bleeding out pretty quick now. I think about Richard, Chloe, and Teddy. I close my eyes; I see her for the last time.

I kiss her, she smiles at me.

“Goodbye, I love you”

She tells me that she loves me too, and I leave.

XVI

My mind awakens, quickly followed by the opening of my eyes. I look up at the ceiling that I don’t recognize. I glance left.

“Chloe?”

“Hello handsome” She smiles at me.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital honey” her eyes well up, and tears start falling.

“How? What happened?”

“You were found in Dartmoor, just lying on the side of the motorway, you had a bullet lodged in your lung, thank god someone found you in time and called an ambulance. Do you remember what happened? What were you doing in Dartmoor?”

I bring my hand to my head and rub my eyelids.

“Yes I do remember, it’s an incredibly long story, you won’t believe it when I tell you.”

“You should rest first, there will be plenty of time for you to tell me your story. You will have to make a statement to the police as well.”

She squeezes my hand and smiles at me. She tells me she has to fill out some paperwork for the Doctors, and that I should get some sleep. I agree.

I rest my head on the pillow.

I don’t understand why Dr. Howard let me live, why he let me escape the lab.

I think about how I nearly died, twice.

I think about Richard, how it is ultimately my fault that he is dead.

I gaze out the window. It’s a beautiful sunny day; the sky hasn’t been this blue for a long time..