The Inner Evil

The revolt of the inner me...

The jerk and jolt of the halting train, distracted me from my vacuum dream. The curtains of my eyes opened into the stygian darkness of my compartment. I looked around, envying my coupe-mates who were sleeping like logs.

I scanned the platform for a sip of coffee, but my eyes paused at the sleeping figure of a poor, homeless girl. Her clothes were aggressively ragged and dirty, but still much tidier than the platform s**t she slept on. I kept gazing at her face. She was shivering, maybe of the northern winter, or maybe of fright. I found my metals of sympathy being severely magnetized by her woe.

Moments later, I noticed a hefty policeman walking towards the same platform, his drunken legs aimed at the lone, helpless slum-girl. With no regret for his action, with no shame for his sacred uniform, he wasted no time in trying to strip the girl of her clothes. She got up with a shiver of fright and cried. The unwelcome music of her hapless cry pierced my ears and seemed to kill me.

The policeman made a second attempt, this time with more brute force to quench his macabre recreation. Blood heated my cheeks, I nearly drowned in a pool of fury.

I should somehow save this girl. I should get out of the train, run to the platform and save the girl.

Or should I? Should I welcome trouble? Why should I worry about this slum-girl? Who is she to me? Not my sister, not my mother, not my love. She is no one. She is Nothing.

But she is too young. Too young to be raped. Too young to die. Get out of the train and kill that thug.

No. I foresee wastage of money, wastage of time and even danger to life. The hefty policeman is too much for me. It is better for the girl to die alone than to kill me too.

It is her fate. The fate decided by God. Only he can save her.

Yes, only God can save her. But what if I am that God-appointed person? What if he wants me to save the girl?

No no. I am not God. I have no right to save her. Now see, the train has started moving. I have no time, no chance to save the girl. Forget her.

Maybe, I should jump out of the train and save the girl. I think I have a last chance.

No no. I shouldn't jump from a moving train. Forget her. This is her fate. I have no time to save her.

But But..     

The train moved far away from the screams of the tortured girl. I closed my eyes for a sleepless night. I closed my door against humanity...

 

     

Author's Note

The world is full of sympathy. I have given it, got it. But, empathy is something I am still searching for..... even within me. A story about human selfishness and one-dimensional style of living. About the fight between the good and bad in every man. The dominating thoughts of evil are penned in Bold letters. The dominated human thoughts penned in italics....

Edited by Shawn Reene, Bard Constantine

Reviews

[YouoweYoupay]

Oh my God...I could hear the girl screaming and crying for help in my ears. That was a powerful write that symbolized a universal and eternal struggle. Satan vs. God. Good vs. Evil. White vs. Black, courage vs. cowardice, and humanity vs. inhumanity. I enjoyed every part of it. Thank you so much fo sharing this. Keep writing.

-Wella.

[Seepz]

I like the way you have put in words the battle taking place between the li'l devil and the saint inside the guy. Excellent read! Reminds me of this line i have heard "It is said that There is no sin in killing a beast, only in killing a man, But where does one begin and the other end?" This piece puts the man and the beast inside us in perspective. Keep up the good work. :")

[Emily Quinn]

I care about the slum girl, her still being a person. But I do think it was tragic because it shows how our society often turns a blind eye for reasons formed around ouselves. Many weigh the stacks of personal gain and loss to determin whether to take action or not. It is tragic because he had more then two otions (jumping or staying) He could have at least chosen to allert someone thus not putting his own life in any danger or a number of other things, instead he went to sleep. And I disagree with the word you used for the MC, "hero" just doesn't seem appropriate being that the only thing remotely heroic thing he did was put the option of helping her in his mind. Of course this only my opinion; everyone has a different one upon reading anything.

[Rachel]

Variety application of story writing... A powerful story removing the dark face hidden within us... Wonderful method of inclu. good and evil inside the hero as 2 characters... terrific climax... Superb story...

[Zackery Alan Daley]

I love the metaphorical comparisons, but I dislike the cliche of a huge burly cop raping a little dainty female. Other than that it flowed nice, was written well and with proper grammar. Well done my friend. Can't wait to read some more of this interesting New Age stuff.

Yours Truly,
Zackery Alan Daley

[Matthews Reggie]

But emily, on u saying that the ending was tragic, i will argue... Because my hero lost nothing, lost no money, lost no time, did nt gt into any trouble.. yes, my hero indeed won, thus a happy ending... who cares about the slum-girl...?

[Emily Quinn]

I love how you didn't make a fairy tale endng; if he had jumped to her rescue it wouldn't have had such a strong impact on us. I found myself- when he first began to battle with his own reasoning- saying do it! jump! (in my head of course) This story feels very real because... well, it is.

The contrast was excellent in portraying the debate between the logical mind and the caring heart and the difference in font helped secure that as well. It is short and doesn't carry any meat (no background info on the MC, no explinations for how he became on the train, no descriptions of the other passangers etc) and that writing style is perfect for this content, were solely involved in the scene and dellemma, were with the MC which is how it should be.

The ending made me cry (Anything to do with wrongs against humanity does this to me) but even though the ending was tragic and had this effect, I am very glad you ended it the way you did. I very realistically sordid message. Most people think of theirselves before anything else

[Matthews Reggie]

i agree, david.... Just that its lot easier to do evil than to do gud....

[David W Moore III]

Very poetic prose at the beginning. The inner dialog is one we've all had to some degree, hopefully not on the scale you present. But we all make those incrimental decisions that shape our soul. Does anyone set out to be evil/bad/damned? I think not (with a few sociopathic exceptions). But do we slide down the slippery slope of one small step to the darknes here and another there until we don't even recognize that we've become that which we would have loathed previously? Hmmm I addressed these same thoughts in Siren Song. Let me know what you think.

[deeps]

Powerful i must say, found some truth in this as well.
like the detail and imagery.