1815

The Battle of Waterloo Recreated...

 They regicide, we campaign: blood, flesh and terror

 camouflage your eyes, afield from the world of error

 napoleon, ney: saints of death! are they near?

 give me truce, death, or mere freedom to fear!

 

 Unity undone, amity abstract, most glee apart 

 those days of comity, will it ever again start?

 mock the genre of rats, a comrade to horrors

 man is the prey and human beasts predators.

 Came the French army, for more power, more enmity

 do I have the fate, to fight, to exist, or am I to infinity

 my heart bled for her, hex the clamoring recruitment

 forced to leave my love, coerced to join the regiment.

 Every me in the Prussians, prayed, every big and small

 petitioned god, a communal dream, the napoleon fall

 Our women awaited blood, every news from war

 We'll fight, for them, for life, but never for honor or star.

                                                                     THE END

Historical Note: 

The Battle of Waterloo takes place near the Waterloo, Belgium on June 18, 1815. In this battle, the forces of the French Empire under the leadership of Michael Ney and Napoleon Bonaparte were defeated by the Seventh Coalition and a Prussian Army, which was commanded by Gebhard Von Blucher. The Battle of Waterloo puts an end to the tyrant rule of Napoleon as the emperor of France. (From Google)

Author's Note

Emotional side of a conscripted man....

Reviews

[Emily Quinn]

This is the kind of writing I deeply enjoy and am always searching to find. It's not a mere poem of entertainment purposes or only to express, it is about real issues, real world battles of various kinds (dictatorship being one of them) and that is what I absolutely love.

Now, moving onto the writing itself. The way you wote each line with kind of two different subjects- almost seeming to be 2 seperate lines in themselves separated by one form of punctuation or another- was a great was to make the poem more impactful. The words feels like hard, quick punches as you read due to these quick stops. You had great imagery and emotion; I couldn't help but feel blood rush to my cheeks with anger...and then you mention "she" which suddenly turns the poem personal and my mood changed to grief and compassion. For me, thats a good indication of a well written peice of literature.

I would be intested in reading more writing if you choose to add more to the site.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Despite all these good comments here, I'm gonna critique more deeply.

The profound thing I noted in this poem, is that the sentences are broken too frequently. These really aren't a rule of good poetry. For instance ' I was forced, I left her, coerced to join the regiment.' is what you wrote. Doesn't 'I was forced to leaved her and coerced to join the regiment'. I'm not saying the words are bad, just that the presentation can be vastly improvised. This applies to almost every sentence.

And this wonderful descriptive would do best in meter. In case you don't know, Google search 'Foot prosody' and read the first wikipedia link. I can imagine some of the lines in iambic pentameter and it seems perfect :)

Also, I'd recommend you not to use similar rhyming words.. As in 'Terror, error' are only a small distance away from rhyming with 'Near, fear'.

A little bit of suggestion too.. '1815' really doesn't seem a title fit. 'The War of Waterloo' conveys the strength and folly of the situation. You might grab some eyeballs too. :)

Otherwise, I always loved historical fictions. Glad to have read this. It's a very good poem. :)

I see you are new here, Welcome to Writers' Cafe :) Rather than sending each one a mail, you can send 'Read requests' to your friends.. It's in the first box in the right side. :) I hope you become one of the sought-after writers around here :) Keep writing.

[...]

. beautifully written ... it seems like a lot of concentration was invested in word and event selection ... and it definitely makes a mark ... my father served in the indian air force for over 33 years ... he used to fly transport aircraft ... supplies and troops ... helicopters too ... again supplies and troops ... i think that the war mindset is complex and yet intuitive ... though at the point of facing gun shots ... maybe life is of paramount importance ... but to get to that point ... patriotism plays its part ... i think that patriotism as a response to intrusion and invasion is not sacrilege ... the basic principle of good governance states that people of a common identity pool tend to govern themselves better ... and that's why Mahatma Gandhi ... while driving the British away ... said that our lives (as indians) is our internal matter ... we would not replace our fathers if they faltered ... and we should not and we cannot ...

of lives lived
on battlefronts
and words of war
on battered souls
i find the soldier
the samurai
who takes an oath
and keeps his word

. a million thanks for the invite ... reading your work was enriching and rewarding ... thanks again ...

[RedPoet]

Matthew, thank you for your comment, it made my day.
I love what you have written here -
napoleon, ney: saints of death! are they near?
give me truce, death, or mere freedom to fear!
that made me shudder

[Sara]

very good use of your vocabulary and I see what you mean by the punctuation adding a little something, very well done. :)

[Ed Hart]

you are certainly stretching your poetic muscles...me? i don't think these are the thoughts i'd be thinking if the big Nap and his cannons were coming my way; if i was doing any thinking at all, it'd be a lot more desperate and immediate...just my take...people around here tend to be real gentle with one another...not me

[Robin]

very well written and expressed . I like the choice of viewpoint from one who is to face a seemily unstoppable force . history tells the rest of the story .

[Hello, Goodbye]

I absolutely love this. The message is clearly well stated and the description of is fantastic. The imagery you use gives of a plethora of emotions and visions but delivered with the power of brevity. Even more I love your understanding of rhythm and the stop-and-go flow. You employ a strong sense of control over your delivery and you don't settle but reach out to put something in line that will pack a punch. I guess the best quality that I find it... is that it motivates me to read it multiple times in order to gain its true articulation and enjoy the vibrant way that it tells its message. Awesome stuff here..

[mystic soul]

you marked your entry with a very beautiful poem... thanks for sending that request for i enjoy reading such a piece. The flow of the poem is really good. overall a fully enjoyable poem...
keep writing ...