Broken

Darkness doesn´t scare me;  Isolation does.  The cold wind blowing soft needles  between the thinning threads  of an unwashed blue hoodie does scare me.  Prosperity is sickness.  Courtesy is blind  on an evening stroll  through urban-planned beauty,  and you are broken  like me.  Torture:          is the way you put faith          in something that will never          love you back.          is the way you drool over          the prose of half-naked half-wits          because their juices          dribble          on the tip          of your tongue.          to wake up          and play the same piano scales          without ever listening          every morning.          to fall asleep          in the warm bosom          of archaic tradition          without ever caring          every night.

Reviews

[Matthew Bass]

I´m a stickler for doing things in 2´s or 3´s. I want the flow intentionally disrupted because there is a difference between, scares me, and does scare me. I write how I read things live. To change that would change the connotation, and thatnks forthe critique. Much appreciated!

[haidyzakaria]

Much better. ok try replacing "does scare me." with "scares me" I think it sounds better. Reading it out loud to yourself is really helpful, makes you notice things you wouldn't notice by just reading it.

[haidyzakaria]

I really like it. However, try to play around with the line breaks in the first stanza. Also, the last sentence of the first stanza seems a little off. Try playing around with it.

Good Job though.