Escape

The word ‘escape’ whispered its way out of her mouth
Dancing on her breath in the crisp air 
Yes escape was what she needed
To grab her things and run 
Fast and far
Because that’s what she did

The feeling of longing pumped through her veins
Yes longing she had
For him, for beautiful cities she only dreamed of
Far and out of reach
Because dreaming was what she did

The blood in her body started to boil
As she thought of what she wanted
Yes she wanted so many things
Out of reach and far fetched 
Because being ambitious was what she was

The tip of her tongue tingled with your name 
Yes it was him she missed
Far fetched and long gone 
Because missing him was what she did

The outer part of her body craved to be touched
Yes missing his touch she did
Long gone and addictive 
Because his arms were the only ones she knew

The insides of her eyes began to tingle
Yes emptiness in her chest beginning to tingle in his absence 
Addictive and heartbreaking 
Because being alone was all she knew 
-K.P

Author's Note

Feed back please :)

Reviews

[KeeD]

The feeling of longing and belonging, you paint a nice story which can help a person forgot about a situation and live in the authors shoes for that minute and dream, dream about that special dream where the world is less harsher and the people aren't so mean. Yet the shadow of loneliness can crowd even dreams but at least we can share that dream.

As far as the structure of the poem goes, it's a different style from your other pieces, very well presented, neat good flow and strong content. A poem that adds impact to the readers life, good job!

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you!

[Chloe_Spence]

I loved this- so emotional and very well structured :)

[audrie]

I love the way you depicted familiarity throughout this poem. It's sort of like even though the feelings aren't full of love and fluffy good times, she is still comfortable in this state of heartbreak.

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much and you're very right!

[CatT]

This is absolutely heart breaking. Reading this makes me so intensely thankful for my husband. You've made me want to hug him and thank him for the fact I don't have to be alone like this. Very, very nice work!

[Maskedthoughts]

i'm glad that it could evoke a positive action towards someone! Thanks for the kind words :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is a great poem .It is very thought provoking about the things people really need.

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Calissa Knox]

This is a unique poem that portrays everyone's need to belong. We all want to be understood and loved, yet we have a fear of being vulnerable enough to stay in one place.

I really felt the ending stanza,
"Addictive and heartbreaking
Because being alone was all she knew".

This is a beautiful and wonderfully written piece!

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much!

[Calissa Knox]

You're very welcome! :)

[koty bell]

This was truly beautifal great work! :-)

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much!

[koty bell]

No problem at all hope to read more of ur work soon...u should read mine as well :-)

[Augustus]

I like the basic premise and I like the form and flow. You have succeeded in making the reader empathize with "her" and feel her longing. The opening two lines were my favourites. I like the closing line as well. Given the form that you have used, with the last line of each stanza beginning with "Because", it is important to bring closure to the poem with the very last line. Making it fit the same mold and yet stand out. And you have achieved that. So very well done.
A couple of words of friendly advice....First, I think the poem gets slightly repetitive in places. For instance the word "addictive" has been repeated in the last two stanzas. Secondly, in lines like "The outer part of her body craved to be touched". I would remove "the outer part of" and just write "Her body craved to be touched". I think the former phrase adds unnecessary detail and robs the poem of some of its charm.

Overall, though, I think this is a very good poem. I truly enjoyed it. Thanks!

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your advice. I've always felt like there are some parts to this that aren't quite there yet so this really helps, thank you!

[Augustus]

You're most welcome. I'm so glad you're taking it positively. :)

[Antoñyo]

"The word ‘escape’ whispered its way out of her mouth
Dancing on her breath in the crisp air"
AND "The tip of her tongue tingled with your [his] name" ...loved these lines most of simple yet revealing need and longing, still, the entire piece gives in-depth insight into the soul here.
I enjoyed reading this...feeling this,
Thanks for sharing

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much!

[Antoñyo]

You're very welcome

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

I like this because it's more a mystery, like solving a piece of a puzzle, because we don't quite know why she is running or who she's running from.

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you! and to 'solve the mystery' it was a bunch of combined things and people, i don't completely know the answer myself...i just wrote what i felt :)

[Mia]

The ending is the emotional climax of this poem for me!
“Because being alone was all she knew”
Up until that point it felt like someone wanting more as opposed to just wanting. It’s so much more saddening to think that someone wants something they have never experienced with so much of themselves. With that much longing what one has is never enough. Nice write!

[Maskedthoughts]

Thank you so much! And thanks for realizing the next level the poem goes too!