Hogwarts Sorting Hat Ceremony

Nolan stands in line waiting to be sorted into a Hogwarts house. He starts out fine, until his anxiety begins to weigh on him.

Nolan stood in line, waiting patiently for his turn. He had never fully understood the purpose of the sorting hat ceremony. It felt random and inconsequential which house one ended up in. But he also supposed that he didn’t really care which house he was put in. He knew the histories of each, how slytherin was regarded as evil or hufflepuff as foolish, but the idea of regarding an entire person or group of people simply by a house was so outrageous to him, he ended up labeling the whole affair as inconsequential. The fact remained that whatever house he ended up in it wouldn't change who he truly was. Maybe this frame of mind came from the fact that Nolan did not think of himself as very interesting. He didn’t see in himself the qualities represented by the houses. He didn’t view himself as particularly smart or brave, not especially cunning or loyal. He could not think that any part of himself was particularly notable. 

Suddenly, he felt himself being shoved forward. His name had been called. An uneasy feeling began to wrap itself around his mind. What if there simply wasn’t a place for him? Feeling the impatient stares of the auditorium, he forced his feet to shuffle forward. What if they had to send him home? 

“Sorry.” They would say. “You simply don't have what we’re looking for here at Hogwarts.” Completely engulfed in his thoughts, he only vaguely felt himself step up the stairs, heading closer and closer towards the hat that would decide his fate. He envisioned himself at home again, his little sister bounding up to him. She was so excited for him to go to hogwarts. She expressed a desire for them to be in the same house, but now he would have to explain to her that he simply wasn’t suited, or was perhaps unworthy to be placed within any of the house’s. The disappointed expression that appeared upon her face, although imagined, made him cease in his tracks. Only a few inches away from the stool, he stared straight ahead, lost in a dystopian future where his failures caused everyone to hate him. An irritated “Ah-Hem” broke him out of his trance. A weary Mcgonagall stood before him, eager to get this whole ceremony over with so that she could attend to her lesson plans for the rest of the year. Nolan recognized the annoyance upon her face and willed himself forward. 

“Go” he told himself. “Just sit down”. Nolan took a deep breath, turned around, and ran. 

Pushing through the crowd of confused students, Nolan sprinted as fast as he could out the doors and down into the hall. He raced through the winding building, startling the paintings and not entirely aware of where he was going or why exactly he was running. He just knew he had to get away. Eventually, he collapsed at the bottom of a row of stairs, breathing heavily. It was only then that he fully realized what he had done. “How could you be so stupid!?” he thought to himself. “If you had just sat down you could have… could have…” Nolan buried his face in his hands, his cheeks getting hotter and hotter. A whirlwind of thoughts swirled in his head, mostly about his failure and incompetence, but eventually his mind settled on just one thought. “Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry…”

Author's Note

This is just a little story I wrote as part of a writing jam with a friend. I ended up actually liking how it turned out! It was supposed to be a one-off but should I write more? Please tell me what you think and how the writing could be improved!

Reviews

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

Capitalize house names. They are based off surnames and are also proper names of--I don’t know how to say it, groups? organizations? you know what I mean. Ultimately, the house names should be capitalized.


The structure of the first paragraph may be even more enjoyable to read if it were reorganization/slightly polished up. For one thing, it is repetitive in the sense that it uses the word “inconsequential” one too many times. I think you should say it is inconsequential once, then elaborate on why Nolan feels that way. You already elaborated, very nicely, so I would suggest cutting out, “he ended up labeling the whole affair as inconsequential.” And maybe move, “but he also supposed that he didn’t really care which house he was put in,” to somewhere else, or cut it out entirely, as it interrupts the flow of Nolan’s narrated elaboration on why he considers the whole affair inconsequential.


“He could not think that any part of himself was particularly notable.”
This line should be cut, as it is just a restatement of him not finding himself interesting.


“She was so excited for him to go to hogwarts.”
Be consistent and grammatically correct. Capitalize “Hogwarts.”


“…but now he would have to explain to her that he simply wasn’t suited, or was perhaps unworthy to be placed within any of the house’s…”
I think another comma should be placed after “unworthy.”


I think that in “Mcgonagall,” the “g” is capitalized.


How does he know she’s got lesson plans?


It might be nice if a sentence or two were thrown in where Nolan thinks he’s already messes up by stopping in the middle of the stage—affirm to his doubts he’s not worthy of Hogwarts.


I think a comma should be behind, “Go” when he is telling himself to sit down. Also, is he talking to himself aloud, or thinking? I think this should be made clearer.


I think Nolan is a bit of an unsympathetic protagonist. He’s not unlikable, but I can’t put myself in his shoes when he runs off. Is it more frightening to take a few steps on stage or a thousand past the tables?


“He didn’t view himself as particularly smart or brave, not especially cunning, or loyal.”
I like the parallelism in this sentence a lot.


I like how he got shoved forward. Maybe I’m messed up but it’s just a little bit of a funny image to me.


“Feeling the impatient stares of the auditorium, he forced his feet to shuffle forward.”
Great wording! Sets the atmosphere very well! Narrating in line with the POV character’s perspective in super important and mastered in this portion!


Great balance between action and inner monologue!


“He raced through the winding building, startling the paintings and not entirely aware of where he was going or why exactly he was running.”
Great descriptions, and a GREAT balance between action and description of scenery.


As far as weather you should keep writing this or not, why not? If you like it, keep going. You may not make any money off it, and it might be hard to make into a physical copy book since you are using already existing places and characters whose copyright belongs to others, but I think that a fanfiction is still capable of telling a brilliant story.

[Marztothemoon]

Thank you so much for your review! This was kinda a one off story that I didn't really think about after I wrote it. But it was fun to write and hearing your review made me think about how I could expand on it. At the very least, I'll definitely fix what you've pointed out here. Thanks again!