Truthfully

A Poem by Maryam

You claim war is the beginning of peace

But peace is not the end of war

Killing the innocent white doves as they wander the streets

In an attempt to monopolise and gain more

Lives were taken at your hands

Yet they let you carry on out of fear

Speaking the truth is enough to eliminate the lies of your land

And lies were sufficient to fuel this game; it'll all become clear

Their silence does not mean your victory

Nor does your intimidation mean their silence

Waiting for the right moment may seem like an eternity

But one day it will end and all will make sense

You fail to comprehend this

Their patience will see them through

You insist on killing, and they persist on justice

They will look upon your dead body, and curse you

The purity of the dove is enough to defeat the vulture

Freedom will openly embrace nations

And you will lie dead, your intentions dirtier than mud

Your war, was their war, your loss and their gain.

© 2013 Maryam

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Aside from some grammatical issues, like I think you meant to write "And lies were sufficient to fuel this game" and "white doves as they wander the streets", I think the poem gets the message across very clearly and I get a good sense of the speaker's emotions and state of mind.

My suggestions would be to try to shy away from some of the loaded imagery we already associate with war, such as the white dove. It's a shortcut for writers to appeal to symbols because you get a lot of mileage for very little writing i n terms of getting across a theme. I think this is an opportunity to personalize the poem with imagery that is your own.

Also, I'd consider trying to say more in the poem. The sentiment of outrage at war and a sense of justice for its perpetrators is not all that novel. I would suggest adding more to the poem that distinguishes this voice from the others that cry out against war and its atrocities.