Mommy

A poem about a forgotten aspect of motherhood

Now I lay me down to sleep.  My mothers vigil watch she keeps.

And if you should creep up while I play.  Mercy for you I pray today.

More wrath than the vilest man.  She carries hidden in her gentle hands.

So should you be harm, fear or pain.  When you lay your head to sleep.

Pray to God in heaven.  Far, far away from me you keep.

 

 

Author's Note

the savage part of motherhood you never understand til you hold your own

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

This is an interesting poem. our sincerity and emotion really came well.

I think you should add a few commas though. They would make the sentences a little clearer in some cases. They aren't completely necessary, but some lines were hard to read as they are now.

I don't know what "So should you be harm, fear or pain." is supposed to mean. I have an idea, but from the word and tense choice, it's not clear.

In the line "She carries hidden in her gentle hands," I think you can get rid of 'gentle.' I understand the purpose of mentioning the state of her motherly hands, but it threw me off the rhythm I had in the poem. This is just my voice though, for your character, it works. This is just a suggestion, it's still good.

The ending kind of confused me to. If this person is harm or pain, then when they go to sleep, they should pray to be away from you? It makes some sense, and I'm assuming it's about the mother's love, of course. It was just a little head scratching the first time I read it.

Overall, this is a cool poem. You did a good job on it.

[Mauricio Montoya]

I love the flow in this piece and how it comes together
Excellent write.

[Blackdragon]

good one... captures the forgotten aspect indeed...

[Queen Jummarrium]

that was a very great poem. It flowed very nicely.

[V. Lucien Maier]

excellent. Great play on a old rhyme (Prayer)
unique and interesting good work.

[An owl on the moon]

Powerfully written, the fearless love of a mother for her child is amazing. You capture this imagery so vividly here.

[Lotus]

Haha very nice i love the idea.

[Tina Kline]

Very nice poem. A mother protecting her children from harm!
Its very powerful and forceful! The way a mother should be
in protecting her children. All mothers, I think, not just
human mothers!

Tina

[Jim Clarke]

Chilling yet undeniably accurate.

[Alyssa Dufresne]

Ahhh... nothing like a woman's wrath. Very Good!