The big decision

A Story by Mary Gatlin

Amy is distraught with her marriage and unsatisfied with her current life. Will she be able to make the change needed to save her life or will she remain idle for ever?

She closes her eyes and tries to remember a single moment of joy and happiness. Nothing comes to mind. Tears begin to stain the paper and her hand is quivering. Can she do this? Is the question constantly running through her head. Its a big decision, but is she ready? Her mind goes back to the day of her wedding. Everything was perfect, the band was playing their favorite song, the in-laws were getting along wonderfully and her dress was absolutely wonderful. Had she known things would have taken such a sour turn she would have never said “I do.”

   Her breathing becomes a bit more unsettled as she remembers the first time they ever consummated their love. It wasn’t in their honeymoon, but on a trip they had taken one day to the caribbean. In the tiny cabin in front of the beach the heat was unbearable. Clothes were not an option. She wasn’t planning on sleeping with him at that moment, but maybe it was the scarcity of clothing due to the heat, or the cool sweat dripping from their bodies; it was an act of pure passion, never had she felt so alive. She can still feel the soft touch of the cool bed sheets on her bare back, and the tingling sensation of his kisses on her lips. She would never be able to experience that again. Paul had never been a bad lover but with time and countless fighting it all just stopped.

  She looks out a window and sees a young mother playing with her child in the nearby park. She was once young too, filled with hope and the desire to start a family. At the tender age of 25 she was told she would never be able to carry through a pregnancy. The details were fuzzy but knowing she would never be a mother killed her, and Paul reminded her that is was her fault they had no children every day. Maybe it was her fault for not being enough of a woman but the pain never left her side. It was a shadow always haunting her.

  Maybe now her lack of willingness to fight is also a sign of her not being enough of a woman. The pain of having a dagger plunged into your heart every day is too much for her now. All the cheating and lying is too much. She takes a deep breath, takes grip of the bold black pen and finally signs her name. She is stunned for a moment, but it soon passes. Finally after 15 years of marriage she is free. There is no one who can hurt her, no one who can beat her. She walks past a mirror and stares at herself, a green bruise stares back at her. It’s not the first time he’s hit her this hard but it will be the last. She searches around her purse for a pair of sunglasses to hide the disgrace. It would take a few weeks or maybe even months for Paul to sign the divorce papers but this was the first step to freedom. It was the first step to Amy’s freedom