The Sky Does Weep

The stars show the way to my lover who has gone away

Because you're gone the moon does sleep
And it is as though the sky does weep
I see not a even a crescent of the moons face
Yet each star is in his place
So many stars are falling tonight
Like tears of sadness that do ignite

A deep dark night of velvet black
In the sky of stars I follow your track
The North star points the way
I will follow it till break of day
Every constellation in the sky
Shows the way and asks me why
Why does your lover go away
To find the place far away where he must stay?

Reviews

[KAin]

Sweet descriptions and great rhyming.
I like the idea of tears igniting - and with the imagery you provided of the night sky, it makes me think of falling stars.
The poem had a good cadence and was written very well, Honey-Bee.
Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks for your kindness and nice comments on my poem!

[Wynter Ignatius]

Distance is a thing we all deal with differently and hopefully this is temporary and able to be dealt with in a calm and reasonable way.

I won't pretend to know your woes, but this is still a beautiful piece to express your feeling with none the less.

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Wynter!

[DaughterNature]

I think overall this is a good start. Although I'm not usually a fan of rhymed couplets, you make it work. And the first two lines are magic! They just sound really good, I think you should keep them just as they are. For the rest of the lines, however, make sure that they have a similar flow to them. Rhythm is one of the most important parts of a good poem, so read your lines out loud to see if there might be "extra" words in some of them -- pruning out extra words or syllables will smooth out the poem. Also, since you're using end-rhymed couplets, remember that the words at the ends of the lines will feel a lot of emphasis, so make sure those are the words you really want the reader to notice. Best, DN.

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks DaughterNature!

[Coyote Poetry]

Why does your lover go away
To find the place far away where he must stay?
I enjoyed the poem. I like the above questions also. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sami Khalil]

Good rhyming, imagery and other aspects...Bravo..........

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Sami!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)................

[Jennie Baron]

I love your imagery of the night sky, which is wonderfully consistent throughout the poem. I also love the rhyming couplets. It's not easy to do. Look forward to reading more of your work.

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Jennie!

[Sky]

Sweet and sad..Nice rhyme.The way you wrote..Its really beautiful.Keep up the good work.

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Sky!

[PoemRodent]

From the male aspect :) Stars and sky and of emotions, I like this piece because you can feel the depth in which it was written. You did a fine job and yes I like it....

Thanks for sharing.

Rob

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Rob!

[melissa]

This amazing poem keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read i love reading them

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Melissa!

[melissa]

Your welcome

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

I love this piece, it's amazing, stunning! Beautifully written. :-)

Kaze~

[Honey-Bee]

Thanks Kaze!

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)