The Splendid Crush

Just a fantasy story about a crush on a beautiful lady.

            One smile can change the world, but one life can change another through love if you asked me how I wouldn't tell it’s a secret under your carpet if you sweep your house you will get to understand. Let me take you through a journey of secret love, crushes and crumbles they crash a man’s sleep and create visions dreams become less important and reality starts to kick in. Love is a beautiful disease that we all wish to be affected by. There is only one vaccination prescribed by none except the love doctor kisses and cuddling then the journey starts and the secret exposed before you even search for it.

I stand amazed by how life outgrows our mental capacity that we find ourselves under circumstances which we either need to overcome or adapt to, I used to tell everything to my granny until the stage I realised I can no longer tell her some things they may be against the grain. She remained my granny but I started to wonder the changes physical, emotional and feelings changed, I then distinguished the distinguishable a lady became one a man another.

It was one day when I was sixteen I was told I am still a child the legal age is eighteen I decided to do things my ways the backdoor way if I was selling something  it was going to be a black market. I was playing around with friends as usual I saw a beautiful girl passing by I wished to follow but the heart was willing the mind was screaming. I knew something was up, the heart said trust me she is the one she is good for you, the mind opposed “Oh think about it what if not, she is so good look at how stunning she is you stand no chance son”, my friends realised I had lost focus.

I remember someone holding me by the shoulder he said in a silent whisper like the piper she is beautiful isn't she, you growing now champ be of good courage go for her I had already given in to the mind I didn't give the heart a chance as far as the mind was in denial it knew very well as my physical being that the heart was right and that if it had a chance it was going to fight. For the first time I felt great in distress I was left shuttered but hopefully that she would pass again the next day my heart was labeling me with all sorts of insults I felt like a disgrace.

It surprises me to say I felt a moving understandable pain in the heart a feeling with no explanation attached to but it was there. I went to sleep seeing that girl in my dreams that’s the only time I had a nice time with her, Yes in my dreams all was good and nice but in reality when I saw her I became shy. Well I guess it’s not me alone who was ever attacked by the disease of fear a disease we fear. I pictured her with a smile on her face calling me with sweet names but in reality I had never caught her smile.

The third day I was early to go out and play, I didn't eat much on that day I felt like I was already late for a mind existing appointment. It was a none existing as it was based on a wish that like the past two days she may pass by and I would just say HIE!, My HEART was beating very fast as if it was being heavenly accelerated, my hands sweating and my knees shaking too. My heart was in a very bad space I could feel it boiling blood the beats of it pumping like a fish with its mouth on the hook trying to escape.

There was nowhere to go my heart wished the bushes, my mind was determined time elapsed but I kept waiting she would probably fly from the sky and come to rescue me. I wished she could come start the conversation and tell me she feels the same way towards me but which way I didn't know, I didn't know why I was waiting for her in the first place there was a problem of mixed feelings not in proportion the mind outweighed the heart but that day I wanted to say my portion.

I waited for her until it got dark I framed a picture of a little bit of sadness drowning my face, my heart went back to normal but at a distressed pattern. I got home sick but I didn't need a pill I knew this kind of sickness has no remedy even the feelings psychiatrist wouldn't have helped a degree in medicine would have been a waste. I was given food I picked a piece of meat I ate it slowly too good to be true for a vulture. But that was it I asked for permission to go sleep then it became a world of wonders I met her. 

Her first words out deep from the heart with a smile where “sorry I didn't make it.

I got a boosted kick I wished I could scream, I weakened on my knees I nodded a little I didn't know what to say, she came closely she asked a Question ‘love have I been forgiven”, I forgot the sun to the cold I had beard all day waiting for her to come but she had not came. I replied it is all right angel I know a beauty like you had things to do in a voice that was puzzled but I could see her smile, she said to me even though I should have mentioned it my heart pumped fast accelerating like a formula one car I created my own Maths in my sleep one plus one it became five I called it synergy what a considerate lady.

I was in green land where visa or black cards had no place but me and her it was like paradise even today I picture the greenness it was a flowered place full of roses I only needed to be next to a tree to get some for her, money was not a problem I was the King she was the Queen and we owned it all. There was no driving the lawn was well lit, animals where watching us birds singing for us and I reminisce of myself playing a guitar while she watched eating grapes all was free and after a while she sang along. Oh! It was all well I guess everyone deserves a little fantasy once in a while.

I was caught up in my own world of fantasy I believed I was in love. How? I can’t tell because she never knew I was seeing her every time smiling and talking softly in a whispering voice in my sleeps. I had great times with her in my sleeps, I treated her like a princess but my belief was that she was an angel that just landed from the heavens as in the morning I woke up to my normal life, I believed she had descended.

It was really or should I be precisely it felt so really I thought I was living it until my granny knocked on my door and I didn't answer for about three times that is when I had insults piercing fiercely though the lock hole directed towards me from the old lady, I then realised fantasies kill now I’m back to reality I couldn't believe I was still stuck with my granny what about last night the nice things I was seeing the beautiful lady I was with I fooled myself she went to heaven she would come again.

Still insulting me I then raised my voice morning granny I’m sorry I’m coming now I stretched myself I looked at the mirror picked up my watch oh snap & the flaps it was ten O’clock that is why my granny was calling me lazy as a snake, I took it to the door looking over my shoulder she was a high lady to touch basis with a clap if she wished, slowly I opened the door  I saw her facing the returning direction I prayed a short prayer Thank you Lord for saving me. I think I had urinated that night I don’t know even if I did I wouldn't mention it, because it was never my intention.

I went and greeted her she was worried because last night I had gone to sleep so early she believed I was sick she moved closer to me she felt my temperature of course it was high she told me I have some remedies for you come drink to be on the same page with her I did as she wished but I knew my temperature was not of being sick but of being love sick. I took the medication was forced to stay at home that day after two to three hours I was asked how I was feeling I told her better but I knew I was bitter on the inside so she fed me all day as a sick child but in reality I was a love puppy.

The day seemed like it was moving slowly it was like my granny had bought the day ever since she woke me up that sun should not set, I was already picturing the garden we were in the previous night all that was said was nothing to me all I wanted was to go sleep, my blankets were calling, dinner was served I was silent as hell when Christians run to churches. I would picture myself in self-mind made paradise with her running around the clear green grounds telling each other of our dreams and the future in my heart I knew that was the future. After dinner I wished to disappear like the day before but I couldn't it was too early so I let my mind sneak into the bedroom it went to sleep and it spied for the heart.

My mind had traveled but I was sitting holding conversations with my cousins and my granny I didn't smile they may have been fooled I was, but actual I only managed to offer them a grin so I would keep quite a bit to consult the mind which had made its way to the paradise chambers no one suspected a thing as they believed I was sick, I couldn't wait to get there with my whole physical body so that I could be inducted in it mental and emotional I only wanted to be inducted again into my own world where I am a King and I’m with a Queen, it sounded great, but truthfully it was sad.

Eventually time came I went to sleep with expectations, sometimes people go to sleep not knowing if they will see tomorrow but I went there with expectations that it was going to be the greatest night of my life. Our castle had no restaurants, it had no cars as I said it was just a clear paradise if I haven’t designed its image in your imagination it hasn't hit you the way it did to me but our castle was the best. Even though I was the ruler I didn't see myself on the chief chair because all my time was exterminated as I quenched the thirstiness of love for my lady queen.

I believe I was laughing in my sleep, I believe I was smiling and blushing who wouldn't when an angel had not just visited but came to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with you; I believed that she really existed. My dreams became reality and I started kicking it I believed tomorrow was going to be the same I was in the Garden of Eve with a lady nothing compared to Eve. I saw her looking down as if her mood has been tainted I asked what the problem was she said nothing and she came close and she pulled me down the lawn we rolled we looked at each other, gazed at one another with the apple of the eyes and I could tell she had something in mind, I didn't ask because even today I’m not the type that loves to pry.

It was tangible I wished I couldn't wake up from the nights if I did I wished I could come to the world where my granny lived and my cousins so that I could tell them that I’m now a King and she was my Queen. Surprise them a bit give them the shock of their lives I didn't care of anything I had it all so that I could ask them who is with me and who is against me, I guess we all know the fate. You with me you will live nicely as a brother and a sister to the King anyone against it, it was going to be unpleasant for them as they were just digging their own grave they were going to be peasants.

I arranged in my dream with my lady that we were going together to meet my granny and my cousins she agreed with a marvelous smile all was set and brilliant. She was a moonlight lady shining like the moon I guess it was my capacity as a King that enabled me to open my mouth and speak to her but in reality it was like I’m a car out of battery that needed a kick start I wouldn't have started a conversation with her I don’t know if she was either too much for me or my mind was just paralyzed by her looks my heart perplexed by the stunning beauty she had a great structure with hips shaped to fit the queen’s stature.

She disappointed me again like the day I waited for her and she didn't pitch, she didn't avail herself for the introduction to the lady I had knocking at my door asking how I was feeling. I made a mistake by saying fine because she threw some insults again I felt heart wounded why this lady had not just pitched so that I may tell my granny today I’m cutting ties with her and insults where going to get her banished in my kingdom. I was sad but as I was still stuck and oriented in that world of fantasy. I looked around me I realised I was still in my granny’s house with two duvets nothing had changed it would have been better if I said nothing much had changed but I painted a picture in your mind that things were just the way they have always been since day one.

Obsession and delusions faced me and fazed I would seat down and gaze take a walk with the intention to seat where she could notice me I felt unnoticeable but in honest truth it was just because she never surfaced, I would spend my time looking at the watch it moved  very slowly I wanted to go sleep. I blamed everyone around me who spoke things I didn't understand some people were inconveniencing me to those kinds I didn't say a word I would only sit down and gape.

Some days were about love I would just enjoy chilling and chatting with her but that day it was all about being inquisitive, I had thousand questions but expected a few answers many where indulged in whys? Why didn't you come meet my granny as you had promised? Why didn't you come save me from the insults? Why do you come only at night do I embarrass you in the noon time? These were some of the short questions monotonous I know but I needed answers to them even if it were essay answers I had all the time I wanted to know and be sure of why?

She did come in her high heels, moonlight lady she couldn't keep a low profile she was glowing more than ever. Did I say I wanted to ask the Whys only? The subject changed to Hello baby I have been waiting all day long the night has fallen you here to see your knight and shining armor. How do you manage to keep the stunning beauty of yours every day? Because today you way beyond than yesterday. What is it that you use on you face?, you so clear and glowing my dear you the finest I gave all the praises and compliments. I pumped questions and she could see I was beneath the horse she had to save me before it steps on me as it takes off. She touched my cheek I got weak dripped to the knees I lost life though I didn't stop breathing but I became stiff and not feeling a thing I was really mesmerised.

She opened her mouth I saw the white teeth I’m sure I lost it or I went to the heavens for an extension of life I came back to her there she was still talking I didn't hear a thing, I couldn't think I was under a love spell even a blind man could spell. She kissed me slowly it was like a dream, of course it was. I grabbed her nicely pulled her closer, I whispered and said if you had come early I would have been the man but you came late and it’s still the same.

The feeling was just marvelous I kept on wondering what I did that made me deserve and obtain such beauty in my favour, she was all I needed my days were better at night sad and sorrowful in the day I guess I was in the age where one can say welcome to adulthood, a cycle where there is no more guidance as a baby and no manual either. I believed the dream but never lived it. My nights were filled with happiness and smiles. Every day I woke up in the morning I would realise I had no more smiles left for the day, I guess it’s true what my friend said “My smile is constantly in pain with the battle in my heart, optimism versus reality that is my every day war” I was at war with everything no longer with the heart only and that was my fate for seeing and having an none extinguishable crush.

My granny became my enemy she woke me up every day for what I don’t know I felt like she was just jealousy of me and my lady but in reality my granny was the right one me and my stupid fantasy and heart that wanted to travel a new road that it had never traveled with no GPRS was to blame. I look back now I start to laugh at the lame and when I’m done laughing I pay my incurred costs back then by laughing at myself that I was the greatest lame of all times the ones I’m laughing at are just taking up after my astounding well-built foundation of the lame.

It was like that I decided to go out again this time around I asked my friends if they had seen her, they told me she had gone back to her place she had just visited her aunt in the area when I saw her, I got sick to the point of fainting but I could tell it wasn't worth it. I could see the picture my friends were painting. I was happy something in me triggered that there is something called love and men can never fight it as much as they deny it. My friends told me I was obsessed probably I was but I would love to call it the splendid crush, I only wanted to be with her she was the best she left a picture in my mind I kicked her at heart now I do no longer dream of loving someone in paradise I do love if the need be and if possibility allows.

I never regret anything in life like my meetings with the moonlight lady they made me want to work hard achieve more and enjoy life and her not pitching sometimes showed that love is like a train sometimes it misses it’s schedule but it doesn’t mean it won’t be able to depart and arrive at its destination, I do get triggered by lust and I know it’s just mere sparks with no fire and it won’t last but true love will send you out of blankets to the land of mosquitoes, love bites once it emanates.

I do no longer question what happened with her, I do no longer ask where my kingdom ended at but I know it was the start, the learning curve for the beginning of love for a lover beginner. I always tell my friends a man has that one lady in the whole world that he will love no matter the circumstances and situations, to the point that they get married or not he will always find room for her and she is the true lady that he feels like he can tolerate. I was once told there is nothing as true love or soul mate it’s only a matter of saying this one I can tolerate in reason to the fact of the characteristics we place upon those we believe are our true lovers and soul mates.

Well she was never that lady I can say I will always love but she was just a lady that triggered love in me for that I’m gratefully I learnt a lot to control emotions and falling in love the right way. Even if I don’t believe in falling in love because anything that falls breaks I still and will always believe in love the poor and the rich both need love, the lame and the weak are all supposed to feel loved.

“No human being is strong enough to deny the heart its desire to love. The feeling is good but very tormenting when not met & the thought of the person in question is too tenacious” " Benedict Mdluli