Friendship

Friendship

When I am deeply alone,

You blow it away like a cyclone,

When I fall and get hurt,

You are always alert.

When I look down, sad,

You wouldn't even be mad,

When there aren't colors,

You bring the opposite of dolours.

Even if we age,

Our Friendship is tied in a cage,

Even if we rage,

We will always have joy of wage.

With Friendship in our hands,

Tied up in bands,

Running together in the sunlight,

Saying bye to each other in moonlight.

Author's Note

Please tell if I did any grammar mistakes...

Reviews

[Arundass TP]

A beautiful poem on friendship. Enjoyed reading

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks, Arun, for reading. Glad you enjoyed reading it.

[JayG]

You’re focused on rhyming, and forcing the line to the need to rhyme. But that way, instead of the tink of a cymbal as an accent to the thought, it’s the thud of a drum. And it's the thought being expressed that matters.

Read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode less traveled, on Amazon. He’ll get you on a path to what makes metrical poetry as special as it is.

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks for the tip, Jay.

[Chris Shaw]

Friends are like gold dust, I have some that I have had since I was at school and that was so very long ago. You mention how supportive they can be, in times of sadness and of joy. What good company they can be. There are so many aspects to friendship, the most important being trust and loyalty. Being there when it counts. I enjoyed reading you Martiya, keep that ink flowing. All good wishes.

Chris

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks Chris for reading. Indeed, I also have many friends who support me.

[Twilight]

As for this actual poem, you have covered the friendship topic; rather well indeed. Unusual, to express such a seemingly worldly knowledge; with your young mind. You could have included a mention, of what loyalty means for friendship? And, possibly something about trust? A good friend would avoid showing "rage" with you, even if that was his or her true feeling in the moment; because he or she would not want to risk hurting your feelings. Indeed, close friends are less likely to show anger openly to one another. Instead, good or close friends are more likely to try and resolve tension or conflicts in constructive ways; rather than risk damaging or even ruining a friendship.

[Martiya Daman]

True. Most friends (Including best friends) won't rage. But I have a best friend who would always try to blackmail me and get short tempered easliy, so I added that friends could rage. Thanks for reading tho.

[Twilight]

Nothing about loyalty or the importance of trust, in your poem; and hope that your other friends don't resort to blackmail. It's bad enough when an enemy blackmails, somebody. Worse still, when a supposed "best friend" does this. Indeed, it makes one wonder how your ordinary friends behave; if a best friends treats you so badly..? Thank god, I don't have such friends; who throw rages or use blackmail towards me lol.

[Martiya Daman]

Yes. Now my best friend has improved a lot. I tell her when she is angry to do meditation and we play games to fix her mood.

[Martiya Daman]

For loyalty and trust I can maybe create a separate poem since I forgot about it this time.

[Twilight]

Of course, yes. Loyalty could be a significant enough for one poem, and possibly trust in another piece. However, loyalty trust are relevant to more than just friendships; remember. A mature romance for example, requires both loyalty and trust; in order to last. Loyalty can also be in the context, of soldiers remaining loyal to their comrades; or even a mere dog showing loyalty to it's master. Don't lose confidence though, because you certainly seem to have writing talent. In hindsight, it might be too awkward to cover too many different sides to friendship; in just one poem for you. Unless, you did so using verses; perhaps? Such as verse one, covering the value of loyalty in a friendship? Verse two could cover, the laughter which friendships can produce.? Of course, it's up to you.

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks for the great advice! I’ll think about writing separate poems for loyalty and trust, and using verses for different sides of friendship.

[Twilight]

In the line which mentions colours. You need the word "the", before the word "opposite". And, you spelt colours incorrectly. Probably, because you just typed too quickly.? The Americans spell it differently, as "colors". There are other ways, in which they use english differently too.

I have noticed that one of your strengths with poetry, is making them rhyme so well. Though occasionally, I have noticed you sneaking in a less than suitable word; so that it still rhymes lol.!

Your use of metaphors is often good, particularly for somebody so young as yourself. Occasionally, a bit clumsy; but we all must learn from experience (and experimenting).

Take care, and still feel free to keep in touch; in comments or by messaging.

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks for the tips, Julian.

[Twilight]

Any time.!