Her As Music

by Martin Martel

Her As Music 

I've heard folk songs through your ears

I have seen them in your eyes

talk country through your mouth

you speak blues and so do I

Could you be so Avant Garde?

I've smelt the punk rock in your hair

having felt a progression in your touch

your lungs are full of jazz

your heart beats like a soundtrack

Could you be the mix that I desire?

You are my new wave

we see the chaos in our soul

so lets bebop the metal

and we can reggae to the birth

with the dance

of stars

and melodies

Reviews

[Belle]

I really like this metaphor. I think the use of all the genres makes for a very modern romance, but there's also a timeless quality to it. You've also linked the different genres to personal traits very well, using the genre's purpose/reputation as a descriptive tool; I can imagine what the accent of a girl who "talk(s) country" would sound like. My only qualm would be the last three lines - whilst still good! - are a little out of sync with the rest of the poem. Whereas your description elsewhere is very clear and evocative, "bebop the metal" and "reggae the birth" don't quite have that impact.

[Amy J]

I've always loved this Mr Martel. Always. x

[Rene Salinas]

So the words first of all seem to be intrinsically related to musical genres which instantly makes it subjective as genres are defined by people who most of the time, but not all, are worried about the aesthetics of music.

If I understand it correctly you are essentially saying that you have felt, thought and done things through your relationship with the other person that you love or appreciate or feelings along them lines...

Without going into boring, intellectual, conceptual and overall comments that may be miscontrued for criticism, you must agree that a poem, although very personal, it may be given to be read; within that a certain harmony between words and meaning should coexsist.

I have no doubts that the feelings for your close one are pure and sincere but that is not written I only assume -- because you choose musical genres as expressions of thoughts feelings and actions.

So the meaning gets lost, although of course I can assume it! But not because it is written. In that way then the writing has the tendency, and only because you are using music, that I will continue in the same line, to become "enharmonious" and to that extent maybe not a fair representation of that which you really want to express.

The beautiful feeling associated to that important someone.

Thank You for the invite.

[Arthur Martel]

wow this is way over my head :/ I'm a bit confused but thank you for the long review :)

[Rene Salinas]

Ok then If I tell my wife that she is as as beautiful as an Ascari ! I'm not sure that she would understand the comparision as she hasn't got a clue about cars..... She would probably turn around and say "You nob". What I meant was fine yet my words.....

[Arthur Martel]

oh right yeah definitely very subjective :)

[Matching Socks]

Very unique love poem.
Really enjoyed the comparisons here.

[MomzillaNC]

Interesting imagery. An entirely new way to relate a lover and music…

NOTES: I think this could use some minor tweaking for copy edits.

[Arthur Martel]

Tweaking for copy edits? What are copy edits?

[MomzillaNC]

Your poem is your "copy." and "tweaking "is minor adjustments/corrrections.

[Arthur Martel]

Oh like spelling and grammatical mmmistakes?

[MomzillaNC]

Yes. There are a few grammar errors that are mildly distracting.

And, tweaking it, in this case, means building in the rhythms you hear when you read it. Where does it rise and fall in your mind? This one, because it's musically themed, I think could benefit from a more lyrically balanced meter -- that's just my perspective. Like my poems, "A Soldier's Hell" and "Shariara's Lament" -- when I here them in my mind, I hear them spoken or sung with a distinct rhythm and inflection and I tried to set them down to draw or push the reader the same way.

[Irenic]

expressing caresses for woman who is music lover with usage of words in a beutiful mannner is something i found unique. i like that line very much
"your lungs are full of jazz
your heart beats like a soundtrack"
it is simply bewitching poem.

[Stone Fox]

Music as a woman is perfection, it's magic. You've captured her here better than any picture ever could.
My favorite lines were the ending starting at "so bepop the metal and we can reggae the birth with the dance of stars." You not only know how to make a woman feel beautiful but you promise her moments of exciting new beauty. A guide to unknown wonders.

Well done Martin, you have composed a piece all any woman would wish was about her.

[Arthur Martel]

Wow thank you so much ! I'm flattered ! This is my favourite review :D

[Stone Fox]

My pleasure :)

[Lis Palkovac]

Cute! This poem reads quite easily, I enjoyed it. I thought you've used the metaphor more effectively in the first two paragraphs. It was fun reading this. L

[momo]

too much jenre of music, cliche of using star.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing description of someone who is music. I need my music ladies to motivate me to write. Lana Del Rey and J. B Harvey give me reason and purpose to write. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry. Music and poetry are my two favorite. You are a good writer. I hope to read more.
Coyote

[Arthur Martel]

Thank you so much ! Much appreciated :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.