You would think

constructive criticism always welcome

You would think my full stops
Would button up a meaning,
Would dry the sense and make it harden.
You would think I choose Fortuna
For the final cut,
And film the moment before
The drop of blood
Reaches the water in the bath.
And the cadre freezes there:
Oil burgundy red in the air.
You would think the lights are hollow
And the books are lying on the ground for months
And that this silent chaos
Of men’s dirt and women’s squirt
Would have mapped the ground:
Her world. Stained and torn,

 forgotten shirt.

My world.

Смърт.
You would think I judged,
I burnt, I even got my hair cut,
And bit my lips to blood,
Out of shame, disgust, distorted lust,
You would think I licked ,
I bit,
I shook, and groaned and growled
And left sperm, blood and a final word:
I kill, forgive me, I was wrongly understood.
You would think I chose a house with wooden floor
where her steps echo from room to room
And door to door
And I have put my grandmother’s scarf for a curtain,
And slice slowly, and with certain
Kink.
You would think.
BUT.

Reviews

[Edward Beaman]

The rhyming patterns you employ tie this poem together like a corset, which in a way, it's shape and your words remind me of. Or perhaps a poisoned goblet. But then I think of the blood dripping. There's such a fierce power running through the spine of the poem which has been allowed to drip, or rather flow, to the end, only halted by the final BUT. It's very cleverly written. The more I read it, the more I like it.

[Marri]

I find your review thought-provoking and encouraging, it makes me see things in my own words that I didn't see before, which is quite a challenge and one of the best things about reviews. I love very much the idea of a corset or a poisoned goblet, it gives to what endeavor a whole other taste. Thank you very much! I will return the attention of reading as soon as I am done with my exams

[Marri]

i meant it gives to my endeavor ***

[Jack...]

Do we ever stop to think, to look into the eyes of another and see the torment that is locked inside, or imagine that it could be. The world is a callous place, leaving scars in its wake, building mountains out of sand only to watch another collapse beneath. You would think we would realize that all who walk and talk have feelings and needs, that the world is more than just about us. This piece sends many visions to my mind. I find a person in pain, wishing away that pain, taking the remedy into their own hands. This poem moved me and I thank you for sharing.

[Marri]

thank you, Jack, what you say gives me the feeling of walking down a busy rainy street, pushed and passed by, or often unseen, stepped over by another for which I apologised and then beat myself about it?!? and yet, a head turns around and wonders about the depths in which I drown and this feels better than a replayed a million times hug out of a memory...what you say is deeply touching and feels like a pause for a conversation amidst a hurried cacophony....thank you

[Jack...]

These feelings are understood. I am a respected figure in my industry though always I feel invisible, hoping only that one might glance and realize the pain that flows behind this stood up smiling face. You have a wonderful talent of bringing the reader in and moving them to their knees in offerings of knowing.

[Marri]

oh, this is nothing but humbling! Thank you!

I hope that along with respect people share their warmth and inspiration with you and the smile is earnest!

[Jack...]

This place does bring that smile to a true genuine gesture and I do find inspiration in kind words. Yours are now added happily to that feeling.

[Marri]

same here, Jack!

[krish]

awesome..........i liked + loved =enjoyed really..........
now u r gonna inspiring me....hannn................

[Ken Simm.]

But indeed. I find this very visual. I could pan across this with a camera. All the clues are there. To the lighting, the colours. This requires a soundtrack something dark with jazz undertones. This is not a write for mornings. This is a write for late. Wonderful.

[Marri]

Thank you! I was afraid that writing from a murderer's perspective would make my writing even more chaotic, but getting a review from you always honours me! You are incredibly close to my musical choice of the moment! Thank you!