Neon Quetzecoatl

Spiderweb bed canopy curtain

tangled web of limbs akimbo

World war three of skin cells

amid a battle ground of

regurgitated sheets.

 

Wraith shadows dancing with wraith

Victorian lamplight

Tango

Hazy how did I get here?

Wraith body writhing

somewhere between snake and

the smoke rising off of an incense stick

 

Graceful gliding slithering

nimble aerial ballet without moving

across our lovewar

hiss hissssssing

phosphorescent evanescent

Innards wrought with uneasiness, but

electric serpent scale touch’s got my outer layer feeling grand

 

Coiled around me

some sort of fragrant

ecstatic gas

expanding exploring

orifices and curvatures

graceful gas hiss hissssssing

setting off nerve endings like landmines

censer serpent censer serpent

Neon Queztecoatl

slither-gliding into my lungs

 

Hazy how did I get here?

This posh house on the lake

instead of the streets of KC

Life’s really f*****g weird.

Reviews

[Matthew Ervin]

Great work. That having been said... there are two lines that I find problematic/in need of re-working:

1) "the smoke rising off of an incense stick" here the compression of poetic language is lost, the rhythm interrupted, etc. etc....something more like "incense smoke rising" would fit the rest of the poem.

2) "electric serpent scale touch's got my outer layer feeling grand" to me this feels like two lines sandwiched onto one, it also does not fit the rest of the poem. Also I found myself pausing for an inordinate amount of time attempting to decipher "touch's"...the pause for that really interrupted the flow and seemed unnecessary/detrimental to the overall aesthetic of the piece....

All-in-all...very sexy, but more importantly, incredibly sensual...there's a difference, and you've captured it here.

[Hedra Helix]

awesome, slightly different tone same strong voice, this is high and wavery, did you meet the shaman on the way to the house? That's my bet, cracking open seed to get to blood red pulp is exciting!
what?
So hey, I think ill be making it all the way through to the top! So cool. I'd stop if I hit something off but thus far its been so smooth.

[Frankie James]

Wow... I am kind of confused but want to read it again and again. Are you smoking?

I like it.

Frankie James
www.frankiejames.com

[Ilene M.W. Lush]

yes. how on earth did you get to that house on the Lake...

I LOVE THIS. ...all the reasons I read poetry.