Goodbye

Moving times

There are many ways to say goodbye.

I could revisit old loves, and emboldened by departure,

tell them the other half of the truths that cowardice silenced.

I could sit in places ripened by sentiment to the point of rotting

and conjure the casual comedies of quotidian life.

I could hold a fin de siècle party, and full of solipsistic angst

beatify moments of random, heightened closeness.

 

I could remember who I was. 

 

But, I think it’s best done gently,

Like a moment’s distraction to the sound of distant song.

 

The choice to go is always a form of rejection.

And it is met with real tears or feigned indifference.

The severance a litmus paper of all that we felt,

and of all that we did not feel, shockingly visible.

 

I have been secretly leaving for over two years now,

and the partings have barely been noticed.

Even as they have piled one on top of another,

attenuating me to little more than a hearty ghost.

 

I have slipped away like

the scent from cut roses,

youth from a face,

warmth from a blanket.

 

Until suddenly,

 

there is just a space,

But not a void.

Only a few people will recall me going: those I love.

And they will be with me on the journey anyway.

It’s about those whom I just quite liked:

they are the real losses, the real departures.

And for them,

I think it’s best done.

Gently.

 

 

 

March 2010

Reviews

[Craig Bates]

I'll start by picking out one or two technical things that stood out to me on first reading. The first one is pretty pedantic - I'm not sure that you need the apostrophe in 'moment's' but I'm also aware that I may not be reading it right so I'll leave that totally to you! My other nit-picking comment would be on the end of the second line. I'm not sure about the comma and I think it reads better without. As it is it sets up more of a break when I think the two lines would work better with a closer connection.

I like that you set 'I could remember who I was' having established that 'I could' pattern, it's effective in making the statement stand out as an important point in the poem.

'I have been secretly leaving for over two years now' makes me think of someone who thinks they want to leave, tries to leave but just can't do it, for whatever reason. Someone thinking they are being decisive when in fact they aren't at all. Maybe that's just my reading.

I like
'Until suddenly,

there is just a space,'
with the structure of the lines emphasising that, but to follow 'void' with a break also suggests to me that a void is present too and just denied. Or maybe it's just space...

Anyway, I hope I've been somewhat helpful. Thanks for the read =)