Building Excuses

For so many years I built up this defense, holding up because of my excuses.

Images reminiscing like puzzle pieces, picturing a fake reality, but I lose it.

So much built in, that is there for no reason.

That's why the feeling of losing myself is more than just a meaning.

They don't know, but I do.

So I try to get the attention but it's honestly for no reason.

Crying to myself, looking for these reasons.

But every time I try it’s like this feeling is something that I'm not leaving.

Well at least not that easy.

Running from the truth and looking for the lies.

Why did I choose this door as my disguise.

If only they knew my weakness.

And it's not the feeling of feeling hurt because it's more painful.

So Unimaginable, what's needed to be spoken.

Like what's really needed to be said.

I'm talking with no words. Breathing with no air.

And for f*****g what?

Because the truth is something that I fear.

The reason why I'm scared.

The reason for these tears.

The reason I built up this defense for many years.

That's the reason I remain here.

Trapped, in this skin.

This horrible tainted skin

So built up with nothing but pain.

And for what?

Because I'm selfish to myself.

Knowing I deserve nothing but happiness.

But feeding myself only the crumbs left.

I'm not fair to myself.

For so many years I built up this defense, holding up because of my excuses.

Images reminiscing like puzzle pieces, picturing a fake reality, but I lose it.