Secret Room - Love

                       Hello. I am delighted you are here. Please, have a seat. Drink a glass of wine. You wonder where are we? Glad you asked. We are in one of those secret rooms of our memories. I want to tell you the story of it. Would you be so kind to listen? I hope so. No story, is not worth hearing.

                    Our story begins with a boy. Almost 20, he is searching the world for life. Not too tall or too short, neither beautiful nor ugly he came from a broken home. His family was divided by the madness and the violence. But he was kind. Never raised his hand, never betrayed a friend. He had no particular dreams just a strong desire to find special relationships with unique persons. He wanted to grow mentally and physically. His weapons? Willpower and empathy.

                    I still remember how strong he laughed with his friends. And it was his friends that guided him into that car. A car with a girl inside. He only got a glimpse of her neck and how the short black hair of hers were above it. But it was enough. Enough for him to feel his curiosity climbing mountains. She was the sister and the cousin of his newest best friends. His house being close made the ride too brief. It was one of the few times of his life that he entered that home with such a smile.

                   Let me tell you something about the girl. She is really pretty. She possesses a perception of nature that is quite magical. Gorgeous smile. Brown eyes. Behind those eyes though, a terrible insecurity was lying. She was not shy. She was scared. And small. Thus fragile. Still she was shining. Her light reached that boy when she started going out with them, mysteriously after the car meeting. If you ask me, that was terribly cute on behalf of her. More wine?

                    He would love to chat with her. The sound of her laugh. The way she covered her mouth. The movement of her eyes diving towards the floor due to embarrassment. It was overwhelming to him. Her sweetness resonated with his kindness in a magnificent way. It is obvious to tell you that those two started going out alone almost immediately.

                    When was the last time you were overflowed with happiness? Seeing him in that state made me think of that. Their kiss. Their holding hands. Their smiling at each other. Charismatic at least. The most intimate thing though was their hugs. It was not just two bodies holding each other. It was two hearts merging together. Their souls dancing above, white as snow. The relationship started.
                  Months passed. Now be careful. Just because I say it like that I do not want you to take it lightly. It was a lot of time. The first ones were filled with fireworks and passion. Birds were singing, flowers blooming, the whole package. But inside every one of us there are sins waiting for the wrong moment to pop-out. After 7 months the boy had to leave for a period of time. It was not long but it was enough for his mind to tell him that distances destroy relationships. The current one had made him so over-protective cause he simply cared of keeping it perfect. He could not let distance poison it but he could neither avoid going away. So the day before the departure he told her he thought it was best if they got separated. Quite silly, if you ask me. Do you smoke? I will have one.
                  She felt betrayed. She did not speak though. She did not show emotions and she just accepted the situation. Two months they passed, on different countries. He did not do anything with anyone else and neither did she. But after the reunion and even after all the hugs and the kisses something had changed. Outside her heart, a wall was built. When she realized, she kept silent. Her insecurity was always forcing her to accept or ignore things. He, on the other hand sensed something was going wrong and he tried everything to make that uneasy feeling on the shadow of their bond disappear.
                 What do I mean by everything? He was not the kind of person to stop in a challenge. She loved horses. They went to Rome to a festival full of them. She loved nature. They went to Martinique, a Caribbean Island and walked through a park with plants from all over the world. They swam with dolphins. Once I was at home with him and she texted him late at night that she was so tired after studying so much and that she wanted a hug but she would sleep instead. He got up, walked twenty minutes, woke her family up, rushed to her door and hugged her after she opened in her pajamas. Then simply whispered goodnight and went away. Her cousin and brother adored him. They were one big happy family while they were joking about him becoming a part of theirs sooner or later. Anyway I could go forward for ages. They were together for almost 3 years.
                 It pains me to say you can not have yang and not yin. You cannot meet Dr.Jekyll without Mr.Hyde. There were problems after the construction of that wall. He would get impatient and raise his voice when he noticed her insecurity get a hold of her. She almost never took initiative or had free time from her university. Once I remember him being jealous while they walked on the beach, holding hands. She told him a guy from university hugged her just like that. Our protagonist did not react excessively. He expressed his uneasiness but he also told her that he trusted her when she assured him that they were only friends.
                Ten more months passed before that night. The last night they spent together. The dark hours that our protagonist is forced to remember day after day. They had a road trip just for the weekend, making them both awake the last 20 hours. Drove all morning, walked all day and drink during night made her feel really bad. He was so scared. Things were not going well between them but at that precise moment nothing mattered. He could not sleep while she was trembling. He wanted to hold her but holding her made her feel sick and she was coughing and running from bed to toilet and vice-versa. He could just be an observer. But he would never let her alone. He wanted to stay with her. Close. Both in sickness and health.
                 They returned from the trip and when both were at their own home she texted him. He read:
              
                   "Hey. I wanted to tell you I know things have not been great between us lately but I want to fight for us, for the precious beautiful bond we have created. All I need is some time alone to gather up my strength and fight with you."

                 He was moved. A whole year was hoping to hear those words. And he did. He accepted and in 3 weeks they only exchanged a couple of messages. Then he decided to write a letter to her. Asking her how is she, revealing that he misses her but he can wait more if she needs. He also sent a mixed CD alongside the letter. So she called him and asked him to meet the next day. And they did.
                 It was November. Slightly before lunch they met on a horse fountain. It was unusually shiny that day. He hugged her as soon as he saw her. He was smiling like a moron. She handed him a letter she wrote last night. He took it while giggling and start reading it. After he did, he understood nothing that surrounded him. She explained that she needed to break-up with him. The precise definition was:

 "I have so strong feelings about you that they make me feel like I am in a prison."

                       It was over. All he fought for. All the waiting. The hopes. The feelings. He had to accept reality. All went wrong because all was strong. He did not sleep. Next day he went to her home and made sure she knew all he felt for her. But her opinion did not change. They were about to separate for good. They boy was about to leave when he turned to her thinking that perhaps this was the right choice after all. He managed to speak only one phrase:

                 "I am afraid we have met each other too soon in our lives"
               
                     You think this is all the story? Ow dear let me pour you another glass. We are halfway there. I hope you are not bored. The second part is much more intriguing.
                     After five days he decided to go to the movies to see a film with his friends. At their way back he was sitting next to the driver's seat looking out of the window. At the place where she was when he met her for the first time. And there she was again in front of him. On a bus stop, well-dressed talking with the guy from university. That is right. The "only-friend" guy. He had tried to go out with her for a whole year. He knew she was with him once. He did not care. And as soon as she was free they went out together.
                    Would you be confused? Was she lying when she said about such strong feelings? She was using her "friend" to stay away? Was he just a new experience with no history or complications? How? Five days? There she was in front of her ex's eyes. He was crushed. I remember him crying. I remember a friend of him hugging him for comfort. He was beaten. Inside.
                   Good thing he had friends. Many were upset about the whole thing. The bad side was that his best friends and thus her relatives had a band doing lives here and there. He went to four lives and had to see her smiling and holding hands with his new boyfriend.
                     He started drinking. Did not help. He started smoking. Useless. He threw punches on the wall. Futile. His mind was playing dirty. Till he started hitting his head on the wall. Her brother that happened to be there stopped him and throw him inside a car to calm down. I was there. Watching him cry worse than a baby. Being sorry for ever hurting her. Being sorry for being greedy. He was even sorry for letting his friends look at him in that state.
                    Time kept passing. He was doing his best. He never tried to call her or text her. These things are for boys. He had to respect her choice. He had to let her free. Even at the cost of his tranquillity. He did not hate her. Despite the fact that she promised him heaven and she rained hell down on him. He did not care. He saw the whole thing as a I-will-accept this-pain-for-you-to-be-happy. No hard feelings. And he tried to show her that by getting her birthday gifts, leaving them outside her door. No contact. Just gifts that represent his absence of ill-thoughts about her. She thanked him but never sent him a message. Never a birthday text or a Happy new Year. For four years the only possibility for him to feel her included only seeing her with her relationship.
                  During those years he grew. He got less naive. Less genuine. Intelligent enough and a lot stronger. Made experiences but never found a proper girl. She on the other hand stayed with that guy. She got thinner. Her hair grew long. She dyed them red. How I know? I saw both of them when her brother got his university degree. They talked at the party. She was quite happy for her brother and wanted to dance. But her boyfriend did not like to dance. Her ex's answer to this fact was:

                                             "Yes, but he likes you."

                 They continued talking and he realized she was still so insecure. They talked about many things. And she wanted to talk some more another time. How can one say no to a request like that? Of course he would accept. He did not like regrets and saying no would be a big one. Could you pass me the ashtray?
                They talked at his place. They cleared things up. She talked for the wall for the first time and he admitted overacting here and there. And they decided to play a game. A game of words. He said one word in english, anyone and she answered with one then he then she and so forth. Their exchange was poetic. It was the definition of sharing and expanding and floating. They both realized they had feelings for each other. Always had. Always will.
                She asked him for a hug. He was there looking at her knowing that he had to choose. If he hugged her, in his mind he would be like her current boyfriend that hugged a committed person with another. If he said no he would say that to the person he wanted to hug the most for so long. What do you think he choose? Being rightful and saying no or saying yes and feel happiness once more?
               He said no. She asked again. And again. And again. And again. And once more. He refused every time. He was devastated. I have to admit it was one of the most surprising things I have ever encountered. He decided to respect the relationship of two persons, whom never showed him that kind of respect. He knew that he could only hug her in one way and it was too intimate for a non-single person. Instead he asked her of one thing. He wanted her to make the best choice for her. Does not matter who that is. Just to make the best.
                 That is all he wanted. Nothing less than her utmost joy. Did she deserve it? Did he deserve it? Does not matter. Do not expect rules or fairness when it comes to feelings. He just wanted that. She said of course she would do the best choice for her. Little he knew that this promise would die two days after when they met again at a birthday party. She said that she will not make the best choice. She revealed that she would never leave her boyfriend. She will not leave a relationship which is not going bad.
                 Does that make sense? Just because one thing is not going bad it does not mean it goes well. Yet people like him have to see this world turning the wrong way. Without having any possibility of making it better. That is why he left far away. He will never accept the way things are. If he cannot have the world, the world will not have him.
                 Look around. Go beyond the room. Do not use your eyes only to see. Use them to observe. You will notice a few persons like him all around you. Discover their story. It will not be sad. It will be, what Love is.

Reviews

[Ardra]

I loved the way you said the story... a room with wine and then you narrating the story... :)
and loved the words...their connection...and finally the decision to move away... life is full of stories...each one of us have many stories hidden under our book... if you are able to pull them and save them into your ledger of life it will remain as a beautiful memory of the love shared.. :)

[Mirror]

Thank you for taking time reading it :)

Each of us has many stories yes and you have said something really beautiful but I am not sure if I want it to be a beatiful memory. Some thing are better left ugly. After all we are forgetful creatures :)
Thank you again and have a nice day

[Ardra]

Mmm about the ugly parts :) guess if that was not a part of us then we won't be the person we are today isn't it...

Thanks to the ability to forget and move on.... a glass of wine for that thought:))

[Tbear]

Hello Mirror.. I need to stop reading so late in the evening. It makes it difficult to give an indepth review. I was surprised by the ending but it does show the truth of relationships. I like that the boy remained strong and did what was right.. if the woman could not devote herself 100 percent to him then she didnt deserve his love... I am not sure how native speaker you want to become..but if you would like this story to be improved a little, I have made a list of a few changes that could be made. corrections are in parenthesis.
on(in ) different countries
Outside (around)her heart
speak(say) only one phrase
At(on) their way back
On (at)a bus stop

a friend of him(his) hugging
She talked for the wall for the first time ( beyond? from behind? I wasnt clear about this sentence
What do you think he choose(chose)?

Keep writing :)

[horizon]

I've started reading and it is very interesting the way you wrote about 2 hearts merging I felt that one...I am going to read it totally

[Jennie Lynn]

Wow. I'm probably making a mistake writing the review right after reading the piece. I know this will stay with me and I'll think more on it for days to come but here goes.
I like your writing style. It would seem English is not your first language but I think that adds to your style. I loved the setting for the story, the wine, the cigarettes. There were just enough reminders of that setting and they were perfectly spaced. Understated but they added to the story overall. I loved the subtlety of the story, the odd detailing. Mentioning just seeing her neck and noticing the length of her hair. You managed to describe falling in love beautifully in just a paragraph or two. Months passed. Now be careful. Just because I say it like that I do not want you to take it lightly. It was a lot of time. I loved that. It was perfect. I had that reaction myself, just to gloss over the mention of a few months to get to the next significant bit of the story but you as the writer anticipated that and pulled me back to remind me that no part of the story, even if it's not told in full, is insignificant. The whole thing was really well done and I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Mirror]

Thank you. The story is kinda special so I thought that a special narration is needed.