Motivate Me!

My longest poem more like a short story. About an inner ongoing argument as I'm trying to handle losing my father figure.

Motivate Me!

Angry at the world,

But no one specific,

Minds racing, another sleepless night,

How terrific,

Why does everything feel,

Like such a chore,

Yet the time drags,

Like such a bore,

Nothing to do but to,

Sit here and think,

Craving some distraction,

Debating a drink,

You know though deep down,

It will do no good,

So you just stay there,

Wondering whether you should,

As your mind just keeps going,

Continuing to race,

Creating further issues,

That you have to face,

But the prevailing thought,

At least for tonight,

Is how can you be up and down so much,

It just can't be right,

One day, you're bouncing off the walls,

So excited and full of glee,

The next, it's dark, it's dull and

You're as low as can be,

With no rhyme or reason,

Just random mood swings,

But still you keep going,

Just gotta get on with things,

Try your best not to dwell,

It's just a rough patch,

So it's time to get better,

Follow a plan you hatch,

Seek help, prioritise

And regain control,

You are not suicidal,

You're just in a hole,

So get yourself together,

And start climbing,

I know you are struggling,

And it's all such bad timing,

It's all come flooding back,

And it's again under your skin,

Over the years you've built your skin thick,

But now it's embarrassingly thin,

The ghosts of the past,

Are constantly on your mind,

In front of you is such torture,

And the same waits behind,

So that's it, you are surrounded,

By all of your nightmares,

And whose here by your side,

No one, so who actually cares,

Now you feel guilty,

And ashamed for feeling so alone,

You've so many people who love you,

So throw yourself a bone,

Stop wallowing in all this,

Pathetic self pity,

You used to make people laugh,

You were actually quite witty,

Now you're just sat feeling all,

Fat, lonely and sad,

What a waste of life,

It's actually driving me mad,

Life has dealt you a cruel hand yes,

But just reshuffle the deck,

You're still lucky you have all you have,

I mean come on what the heck,

What is it gonna take to,

Get you out of this mess,

You should really be grateful,

But nevertheless,

This isn't a pep talk,

This is more of a demand,

Life is just too short,

For you to make it this bland,

Snap out of your depression,

Put your anxiety to bed,

Go get some therapy,

And work on sorting your head,

All that you've been doing,

All the mistakes you've recently made,

It's time to move on,

So what you feel played,

You're going through the worst time,

That you've ever known,

But your family needs you,

So get back in the zone,

If you don't you will,

Never forgive yourself,

Only you can fight the battle,

That is your mental health,

You are taking positive steps,

But you've gotta give yourself a while,

This isn't a quick fix operation,

This journey is more than just a mile,

This is your life,

And you have to get it back on the tracks,

Fight the tears, fight the rage,

Combat the panic attacks,

I know this is new territory,

Hell, you can't even sleep,

So you throw on random TV shows,

And even they make you weep,

Try take your mind elsewhere,

To where the good times were,

Don't harbor resentment,

She only hurt you because you let her,

You are going through a meltdown,

Give yourself a break,

You take on everyone's troubles and

Just give well maybe it's time to take,

Maybe for the first time,

You need to put yourself first,

Stop being so pessimistic,

You're blessed not cursed,

So what you feel lonely,

So what you're ego got hit,

That pain will pass as quick as the hope came, it'll only take a bit,

You're world is upside down,

Your belief systems been shattered,

I know it's tough to doubt,

If you've ever really mattered,

All you actually need though,

Is a new perspective,

Change your thought process,

Create a new collective,

I write these verses but rather than state I,

I write you,

Because we all love to give advice,

But we can't take it, that's true,

So this is a piece I wrote,

From one part of myself to another part,

To try to snap myself out of the darkness,

And to mend my head and heart,

But sadly I am faced with something,

That no words can fix,

Losing my hero, our foundation,

The reason for our four walls of bricks,

See I've been off trying,

To get myself some sort of life,

Because his is coming to an end,

In such cruel strife,

And because my life will still go on,

Once he has passed away,

But things feel so dark now,

Will there ever be another light day,

I say the sun will rise again,

But how do I really know,

I can't see an outcome,

Where I ever let this go,

How can I? Why would I?

So many questions I want to ask,

How can I handle depression, anxiety and

Take grief to task,

People say "well you're only human"

But I'm relied upon so that's not gonna cut it,

I need to do something,

I can't just wallow where i sit,

But my minds a mess now,

When it happens it'll be mayhem,

But whose gonna look after my family,

If i can't save them,

My mother is losing her whole world,

Without me, however will she cope,

My brother, my sister, I need to carry this and be strong to be a symbol of hope,

There's no time for me to crumble,

I need to help lift them if I can,

For Chris, I need to show him how well he taught me to be a man,

I must recover quickly,

I've been wounded but not killed,

So I'll use all my power,

Be brave and strong willed,

You have to get through all of this,

If not how worthless are you,

As much as you always told yourself,

And that's a scary thought too,

These issues that I've bottled,

Once I beat them and I will,

I will take life by the horns,

And I'll get my fill,

Because there's no way all this shame and guilt,

Will shape anything else that I do,

I will make the man who co-raised me proud,

So Chris you always know, I love you.