Chapter 48- My Heart Will Go On

Why was I over-reacting like this? I had no clue. There were two guys and I fell in love with one and have known the other my entire life. Austin deserved a chance, right? God knows he’s liked me forever. With Nick I felt safe around him, I could let myself relax around him and just enjoy life. With Austin, I could completely be myself with no worry of what he’d think of me. We had been friends ever since I could remember and now that I had my chance to finally be with him, why couldn’t I?
I looked up at the ceiling above my bed, examining the popcorn-like texture. Right now, I was thinking of whether to push the call button on my phone or to just roll over and go to sleep. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning and Nick still wasn’t home. I knew he could take care of himself but I still worried. What if he does something stupid because he’s upset? What if he’s had an accident or something?
I had been debating this for the past hour and a half; just staring at the ceiling and my phone. His number dialed. Waiting for either him to call or to finally decide to call him. Why was this so difficult?! My emotions were all jumbled up and going haywire.
Sighing, I cleared my phone and dialed somebody else’s number. Clicking talk and holding it up to my ear, I waited until they picked up, knowing they would, even at this late hour.
‘Hello? Alice? Are you okay? What’s wrong? Why are you calling so late?’ Eli said in a hushed tone.
‘Hey, Eli. Yeah, I’m fine.’ I sat up and ran my fingers through my messy hair. ‘Can you talk?’
There was silence for a minute, then he sighed, ‘Yeah, hold on.’ There was a shuffle on the other end and then a door shutting. ‘What’s up? What’s going on?’ He replied in a louder tone.
‘I just… Are you okay? Like, about what happened earlier…’
He was silent for a minute. ‘What about it?’
‘Well… um. How are you feeling?’
‘Hm, lemme see I’m in love with my sister, dating her best friend, and just found out my sister is pregnant because we had sex. How do you think I’m f*****g feeling?’
‘Please, Eli. I’m sorry, it’s not like I wanted to be pregnant- I just want your support. I know I’ve screwed a lot of things up lately but I’m trying the best I can with the situation I’ve been handed. I don’t want the baby but I don’t want to kill an innocent soul. I want you to back me up on this decision since you’re the father and my brother.’ I grimaced at the thought of him being my family but held on strong. ‘I love you, Eli. I would do anything for you and I wish you’d realize that someday you’re going to push me too far and I’m not going to care anymore. And you know, I wished you would have approved of Nick and I before all of this happened. Him and I just got into a huge fight and I don’t know if he’s going to come back. I love him, Eli. I wish you would have approved. And now that Austin asked me out and we went on a date tonight, I don’t know who to pick. Which pissed Nick off because I just broke his heart and I’m having such a difficult time with this. I’m getting depressed again and thoughts are coming up in my head that I don’t want to do.’
Tears were pouring out of my eyes like waterworks and I’m not sure he could have understood what I was saying. I waited for an answer. And waited,,, And waited. ‘Eli? Are you there or did you hang up?’ The silence made me cry even harder. Nobody was going to listen what I had to say. Why would they? I was someone who was only going to cause problems. It would be better to just kill myself and get it done and over with. Nobody would care. ‘Eli, please answer me. I need somebody to support me. Please. I need you.’ I sniffled, got up and walked over to the desk to get a tissue.
‘Alice,’ there was a ruffle on the other side.
I held the phone closer to my ear, ‘Yes? Yes, Eli?’
The line went dead. I looked at my phone and completely broke down. My knees gave out and I collapsed on the ground in front of my bed. He wanted me to know that he heard and as a response he would hang up. ‘Nobody cares,’ I whimpered, bringing my shaking hand up to wipe the tears off my face.
‘Alice.’ I jumped three feet in the air and swiveled my head in the direction of the voice. It was Eli, breathing heavily right in my doorway. ‘I’m always going to be there for you no matter what.’ He walked over to me, picked me up bridal style, and set me on my bed. ‘Alice,’ he lifted my chin up to face him even though I was already looking at him. ‘I will support you no matter your decision.’
I was still crying but not out of sadness this time but happiness. ‘I will always care for you.’ He positioned me in onto my pillow and laid next to me, holding me. I cuddled up in his chest and quieted down some. There was no need for words. He knew how I felt and I knew how he felt. Things felt so much better now that I had someone here with me. I wasn’t alone. Before I knew it I was in a deep, calm sleep.