Vietnam War Journal Entree

A piece written from the top of my head to benefit me in a creation of mine involving the ideas of a multiverse, time, an afterlife, and people with other worldly minds.

The thought of death could drive one insane, from first hand experience i pass that piece of knowledge to you. I may be crazy but this place has taken its toll on me. At this very moment I lay in the warm wet jungle left alone to survive by myself. I'v been lost and forgotten once the prime of someones existence now even the thought of me is left for death to take me down to the so called fiery mitts of hell. S**t, even going to hell would be like heaven. You see every man women and child has a fear and sometimes they may have many, but i only have one. Its like an itch, you see, an itch you thought you could get, but feels as if its under your skin and you can't stop itching it because it itches so furiously. This one fear of mine has haunted me throughout my life, as a young boy, a teenager, and now a young man with death at the front door of his life. My fear is to not have an afterlife, to never exist again once my lungs slowly stop expanding and my heart stops beating. And that itch is to know more than i should like any human wants naturally even if they don't know it. Only my hunger has brought me to my breaking point and has left me alone rather than have been brushed away to the back of my head never to be thought of again. Here i lay alone and unsatisfied with my choices in life and if there is nothing after death life to me is nothing but a never ending taste of what it actually could amount and never actually will. The exact definition of a waist of my damn time. What happens if i just was to die right now. If i stand up into the open and get cut down by gun fire right here and die by a grimy Vietcong scumbag fighting for nothing just like me. Just wasting their very life away and taking others. The world wont stop, people die everyday, all the time. My body would be still here on this vile earth but my consciousness, where would it go. What would happen to me and will I ever be unbound from my flesh outside of my lucid dreams. Think about this for once in your life without the clouding of other peoples thoughts and ideas. That means without religion, not even your own if you even have one. Just use the raw knowledge you were given solemnly by the creations built by only you and your mind and not based off of other peoples accomplishments. Plants die, microscopic things die, insects die, other animals die and last but not least humans die. As a matter of fact everything dies and we are taught that here on earth naturally that everything ends. Scientifically souls do not exist, but even if they did science wouldn't be able to see them. These thoughts and ideas i will die with, but i need to know the answers while in a mortal existence, because what if there really is nothing and your just dead? The purpose of your life would be nothing, but your death could have purpose to the others in your time period thus effecting the outcome of the future. My true question is and always will be left unanswered. But one goal in life based on what I have stated in this journal entry is to base the meaning of your life to others off of your death. This would be a fun way to change the balance of things in existence, just one last change before you ever let yourself try and pass on to whatever afterlife your brain has created to keep your mental balance in check and to keep you mentally stable. I have lost that natural balance of the mind. I may have ideas of the perfect afterlife, but i question them so much they remain unclear and unspoken even in my own head. I just wish to have the answers of life rather than the knowledge that will remain pointless without my existence. Back to survival of the fittest, a disgusting creation of humans they call war. Thank you for listening, when i am alone this notebook is all i have for company and it makes me feel as if someone is listening maybe even watching if i'm lucky.

Author's Note

This is just an idea to help me organize thoughts.