A little closer

From being the weakest of little girls
She went her own way
And found happiness
On her own terms

From a distance we could all see the soft smile
That came across her grief stricken face
We all noticed the straightening of her shoulders
And how peace had filled her being
The strongest of people you could wish to know

But then she heard the voice of sorrow sobbing
A voice that ached of pain
The one she hoped to never hear again
From his dark and lonely hiding place
The creature called her name

Now from a distance no-one dares see
The pain that darkens her eyes
And her quivering lip goes unnoticed
Yesterday she had looked ten years younger
From a distance no-one saw her torment

A girl alone
Not willing to go on
Not willing to speak up

We should have looked a little closer

Reviews

[Reeti]

The consecutive incurrence of joy and grief indicated by the girl's visage is enrapturing... especially as none but the author, and thus, the readers, can detect it. The poem has been also enhanced by the rhythm of the poem (as i read it and say it aloud in my mind, i find it riveting). It explains quite like a prose, but thanks to the lovely rhyming put to it, it's framed as a wonderful poem. It is specially sad when it concludes with a lonely girl who has for such a long time, persevered blissfully, but not enough to lead a thoroughly genial and happy life.

[Jolie Blossom]

Such a great piece. I can see myself in this, and think that a lot of other people could too. You're writing is very relatable, and I admire that. :)

[Woja]

Wow wonderfully put

[Allie]

I usually seek out these people. When I see someone sitting sad or pretending to be happy or sitting lonely I just approach them and begin a conversation. This is how I have made most of my friends, by trying to cheer up strangers. This is a good piece that can mean many different things to different people and that is what is great about a talented poet.

[...and some ideas.]

the 2 parts of the tale...
one is positive and the other is a negative vision..
got me thinking..How one's eye cxan translate things the way the wishes.. :)
nice.

[Hayley]

Ah, this hit home. So often we don't see the signs of pain or we look past them because we only gauge happiness when we see it. No one cares to look or understand the true depth of emotion when "a voice that aches of pain . . . from its dark and lonely hiding place The brooding creature" calls once again.
It reminds me of myself. Thank you for this.

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

I like how and when you speak of the "underdogs", I think you should write more like these with a twist.

[...]

A very intimate piece. Anyone woman who was gone through trauma would understand the sentiment. Very nicely done.

[Octob3r Star]

A daily struggle for folks. Thanks for the write.

[AmandaN]

Crumbs, this could be written for me Mark! It's making me feel all sorts of things. Flows so well,a story and a lesson in 5 verses. Thank you.