Used to be..

Ahh, its a song i wrote about this guy..

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I see you sitting there,

And I just stop and stare.

That’s all I ever do.

I wonder if there could be another me and you.

Thinking wondering if I’m,

Truly in love with you.

 

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I can't believe,

That we used to be.

I had given you all of me.

I wish we could be again.

Thoughts of you keep,

Running through my head.

 

As you held my hand,

I felt my heart melt and poor like sand.

I thought we were meant to be,

But there's never a happy ending.

 

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I see you sitting there,

I just stop and stare.

Thinking of what we used to be…

Author's Note

(:Enjoy..

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

Wanting,
Needing,
Bleeding
For you.

Fighting,
Crying,
Dying,
For you.

All I need,
And all I want,
Is you.

I like the repetitive lines. They give it that extra oomph. Don't know that much about writing music, but it sounds good to me.

[An owl on the moon]

Powerfully moving and lyrical, your song is beautifully bittersweet... The last line is just haunting... "Thinking of what we used to be..." Excellent write.

[Looouise]

poor = pour.
wrong spelling
:]
Other than that, that was really neat.
The repetition and the rhyming made it flow nicely.
And it most definitely could be lyrical
:]

[Kelley Quinn]

I liked the flow of it all. It could be a really good song! Very well written, I'd say. Presents a strong meaning that everyone has experienced at least once.

[Alexander Z. Anthony]

=D Very nice. I enjoyed reading that.
(I'm a fan of rhyming) and I loved the rhymes here.
I also enjoyed the repition of the same starting lines, that a tool I use as well.
The only advice I can give you is to work out the syllables in your sentences, so that sentences that rhyme have the same length. I find it helps the flow of the poem.(Ex: Line A rhymes with line B and they both have the same number of syllables, and line C rhymes with line D, they also have the same number of syllables, but that number doesn't have to be the same as line A and B.) Hope thats not too confusing. =)
-Azza

[Lizanne]

Look how far you have traveled in just three poems. Kind of lyrical and could be a song. You have a refrain that nourishes your poem..Full of emotion and the questions that come with unrequinted love. You have really poured your heart into this one. I like it!! Keep writing, you do have talent and a gift. Look forward to seeing more from you.

[Scout]

aww very good. i rly get what your feeling you describe it well. i especially like the i felt my heart melt and poor like sand. that line is very good :)

[~Shadow Kissed~]

really good i love it :)