Betrayal for life

I can't tell

 I was only fifteen when I went to my best friend’s funeral. The agony of losing someone was crushing and I dropped onto my knees in front of her closed coffin, tears flying freely down my cheeks. 

       I have to tell someone about the note. Maria handed me a note a few days before she died. It explained everything. How she would kill herself, when she would kill herself. I had to stop her. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move. I had to be strong the day it happened. even though I knew what happened, I still had a nervous breakdown. I feel like this is my fault. I need to let go, but I can't. I feel like I am responsable for her death.

  It took me a while to back on my feet and continue life after that fateful day. A few long months after Maria’s death I got together with a boy named Marko. He seemed nice…at first. But whenever something bad happens it was my fault.

    

    “How could you?” tears stream down my face. I wish I never walked into my dorm room. It was past curfew, ten at night, and I was looking forward to say hello to my boyfriend and spend the rest of my birthday celebrating with him. At least that was what I planned. I most certainly did not plan catching my half-naked boyfriend on top of a naked girl in my bed. She covers herself hurriedly while shouting, “You told me you live alone!”

  “You!” I point to the w***e. “Get the hell out before I change my mind!”

She races out while dressing. The door bangs open and slowly revolves back. Marko stands up and I jab my finger onto his chest.

  “What the hell was that?” I shout.

  His dark brown eyes grow cold, “Honestly? She’s much better than you. I’d rather be with her than with you!”

  My throat constricts tightly. “How long has this been going on?”

He smirks arrogantly although the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “About a year.”

“So all this time you were screwing around with this chick while telling me that I was the only one!?”

  He laughs darkly, “You think I had a good time when I was screwing you? It was horrible! You were so stiff I couldn’t enjoy it! Could you tell I was faking?”

  I hide my face from him. It was a lie. Everything was a lie.

“I can make you pretty. After all, this is your fault.” I open my eyes only in time to see him slash my stomach open with a knife. Pain radiates through my side and my vision darkens. All I can see is his damn smile.

  And then I am absorbed in a world of darkness, pain, and misery.

Reviews

[Persona]

responsable? ible. I loved the 1st sentence, but the second sounded forced and actually didn't really feel emotive. It sounded like she didn't care. Split the sentences, make it more jagged. It feels like a person telling a story. "happens" then "was." Is it past or present tense? Okay, the story's going too fast paced. It really sounds like you have not experienced either being cheated on or the death of a friend. Slow down. Take it in. Really stretch out how she feels about her friend's death cuz one second it's "waa she's gone! then "oh yeah then I got a bf." What's she changing her mind about when she shouts at the girl? "She's much better than you." Is that really what he'd say? Get inside his head - be him! Your partner caught you cheating. How would you really react? Okay and then he gets less and less like a real person. Oh and then he cuts her. I see that you were trying to cram in a lot of action but all these aspects could be really extended and then become a masterpiece. Don't worry - I do like some things. I like the basic idea, it's just the execution isn't there. It is interesting to read - but for something of this length, only 1 of those 3 main actions needs to happen.

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

good chapter. i look forward to reading more

[Ellie Reeves]

i like it, possibly extend it to add in details to add affect? and you mispelt betrayal, haha.

[Marinni]

i just had to do something quick because my compute sucks

[♥ Kinnixk]

and maria only gave me so much time to type it -_-