6 Reasons You Keep Settling For Guys Who Treat You Badly.

Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the same type of guys, and why you keep settling for someone who treats you badly? This article explores the reasons why.

I get it. I’ve been there. In fact, I married someone who treated me badly. Consistently, not just on off days. He treated me horribly long before we got married, and marriage certainly wasn’t the answer. The situation just deteriorated over time. I remember walking down the aisle, thinking “I hope this works out”. It didn’t. At the time I didn’t understand, but I do now. If you keep dating guys who don’t value you, it may be for one of these reasons:

1.                1.   You’re hoping he will change.

You’re dating his potential but you’re refusing to see him for who he really is. The truth is, people rarely change unless a seismic event causes them to. A woman is hardly ever the catalyst. I know how easy it is to fall into this trap. He may even promise you that he will change. As convincing as his words are, always look at his actions. A man who loves you does what he says he’s going to do. Not just once, but every time.

 

 

2.               2.    You find nice guys boring.

Nice guys are so predictable, you can’t imagine ever settling for someone who you have no chemistry with! Most nice guys are only too happy to be able to spend time with you. Being too available is not attractive, and because you know Nice Guy will be there whenever you need him, you lose interest. You like excitement and the thrill of not knowing. Surprisingly, there are nice guys who aren’t boring. Being treated badly gets old really fast. You might be pleasantly surprised if you’re willing to have a second date with someone who didn’t bowl you over straight away.

 

3.               3.    You allow bad behavior to continue.

When you meet someone new and you notice something that bothers you about him, how do you handle it? My guess is that you notice the behavior and you see it for what it is, but you convince yourself that it’s not as bad as it looks. We’re our own worst enemies. If you were to set a boundary by telling him that the behavior is unacceptable, you’d quickly see whether he cares enough to stop. There are only two possible outcomes; he will either value your feelings and stop doing what bothers you, or he will tell you that it is who he is, and to take it or leave it. The fear of losing him may just be enough to get you to stick around, hoping things will change.

4.               4.    You know what’s best for you.

You’re probably tired of hearing what people think of him. You’ve made up your mind that he’s amazing, and they don’t know him the way you do. I mean, they don’t see him when he makes you feel special and dotes on you. Right? I’d agree with that statement if one friend warned you against him. It may be jealousy, perhaps she’s feeling a little left out now that your new guy is taking up so much of your time.  If everyone warns you against him though, it’s a very serious red flag. You may be too infatuated to see what everyone else is seeing. Ideally, your parents and friends love you and only want the best for you. They don’t want you to get hurt, and speaking up when they see you being mistreated is their way to show that they care, their intent is not to cause conflict.  

 

5.               5.    When things are good, they’re amazing.

The highs are so high, it feels like you’re soaring. It’s the most wonderful feeling, it feels like your heart will burst with happiness any minute. You feel closer to him than you have to anyone ever before. Unfortunately, the problem isn’t the highs, it’s the lows. When you argue he insults you, he finds a soft spot and zeroes in on that. It makes you feel like you’re utterly useless, that you never say or do the right thing. The longer you’re together, the fewer the highs and more frequent the lows. Yet you keep hoping. You remember that blissful feeling and keep reminding yourself that he can be that person if you only behaved differently. If you were better; if you were less opinionated and more loving. In the process, you slowly lose yourself as you’re molded into the version of you he wants you to be.

6.               6.    You don’t know your worth.

I believe that this is the reason why women stay in relationships long past their sell by date. It’s a dad’s responsibility to show his daughter how she deserves to be treated. If you grew up in a home where your dad didn’t treat you and your mom as though you’re valuable, or you grew up without your dad, you end up accepting the love you think you deserve (a line from the movie The Perks Of Being A Wallflower). How will we know how we should be treated if we haven’t felt what it’s like being treated that way? We won’t, so we settle for far less than we’re worth. We look in the mirror and see someone who is lucky to have a boyfriend, instead of seeing someone who is worth being treated well.

I believe there is someone out there who will love you with all your quirks and imperfections. Hell, he will love you because of it, not despite it. You deserve to be cherished, to be treated well every day.  Consider waiting for this guy, I can guarantee you it will be worth it.